My mother was raised in a very strict Baptist home - everything was a sin and filthy. Mom took herself away from all that decades ago and while she has a vague belief in some kind of God, that’s where it ends. Mom lives alone in her home, with home assistance 3 days a week. She has burned through caregivers - she’s on #8 or so. They churn in and out for all kinds of reasons. The newest one is an evangelical Christian, and proselytizes nonstop. She stops pregnant women in the grocery store and asks if she can pray over them. She cross-examined Mom about her beliefs about death and the afterlife, and on her next visit gave Mom a 500-page book about Heaven to read (Mom is nearly blind.) This has upset Mom a LOT. She tried to read the book and found it creepy and upsetting, and does NOT want this woman’s prayers and exhortations and inquisitions. She’s afraid to say anything because “they’ll be mad at me.” There’s a whole lot more backstory with my mother’s high anxiety, narcissism, paranoia, and dementia to complicate this. I told her I would talk to the agency and ask that this caregiver not bring her religion into my mother’s house. I’m a stone atheist and this infuriates me, and feel this is totally inappropriate - but my own feelings aside, Mom is VERY upset by this. Is it appropriate for me to ask (very nicely) that this person knock it off or send someone else because it’s making my mother extremely uncomfortable and she simply doesn’t have the social/emotional wherewithal to handle it. I have no trouble being the complainer… but given how much trouble we’re having with caregivers, stirring the pot is tricky. Advice? Thanks!
Tell this person that if they cannot keep their faith separate from their job they cannot work for your mother.
See. Took all of about 15 seconds to say that nicely. You can even add a nice little "I am glad you have the comfort of your faith BUT....................."
You can in fact do this about any subject. Sex. Politics. etc.
Free hire and free fire for most states. The person either works out for you or they do not.
This particular person would not work out for me at all. Nor be tolerated for more than one caregiving session.
Your posts reminds me of a caregiver that came to take care of my mom. She was a practicing Wiccan. She was very transparent about it and asked me if it was a problem for me.
I told her that personally I didn’t care who or what she believed in. Nor did I care if she didn’t believe in anything at all. I’m very much a live and let live type of person.
I explained to her that my mother was a Catholic who wasn’t judgmental in any way of other people’s beliefs but that I would prefer that she not discuss any spirituality with her.
Fortunately, this caregiver fully understood how I felt and there was never a problem.
The type of person that is in your house is either mentally ill or has been indoctrinated so heavily that she isn’t going to listen to you.
I would be concerned that if you oppose her “prayers” she would just pray harder for you and your mom. This is why I would want to ditch her altogether.
She is on a mission to “save” the world, regardless of knowing that not everyone wishes to be prayed over or saved. It’s disturbing when people cause damage to others all in the name of religion.
Sorry that your mom is blowing through caregivers. what’s one or two more at this point?
Good luck!
Not understanding professional boundaries is a deal-breaker for me.
"Ask... that this person knock it off"
I'd leave out the *nicely* & and ask FIRMLY. Also state this is a ONE TIME request & it is PERMANENT. Be professional or your contract is terminated.
You should definitely tell the agency .
It’s also appropriate to just fire her if you wish. You’re in a tough spot considering the revolving door going on with staff.
Does your mother wish she would not come back? Is she happy with this woman other wise ?
Perhaps you could manage it by saying that she is NOT PAID to talk to your mother about religion. She can pray for your mother on HER time, not on YOURS. I'd probably add that expecting to be paid to pray is contrary to my own beliefs, and I find it quite shocking.
But if you can easily find a replacement, I would let her go. It’s not a good fit.
Time to find caregiver #9.
Also causing your mother anxiety and distress, that should not be happening.
Her beliefs are not part of caregiving.
I would talk to agency right away.
I recall my elderly grandmother, who drove my mother nuts on her best day, got hooked up with an extreme group of religious zealots while she lived with us. She'd walk around the neighborhood handing out pamphlets and preaching to the neighbors which mom hated. Then she'd invite some of her religious friends over to the house and they'd all tell me, a little kid, how I was evil and a spawn of Satan and going to hell. Then they'd all pray over me while I'd slowly inch my way outta there.
Yeah, those were fun times alright 🙄
E