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My brother comes down here for about a month in the winter and I take Mom up there to stay with him for at least one month, sometimes 2 months or longer (depending on her health) in the summer. He is an excellent caregiver, actually, probably better than me. But he talks too much and drives Mom crazy LOL.
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Care4Mama, I feel your pain. You are not alone. I think this is common with caregivers and their thoughtless siblings. You sound bitter and twisted just like I have been for the past year and a half! Hang in there....it helps to hear others vent.
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Never! I have not had a vacation since the late 1990's. First my one parent's health failed, then the other. My sib has a condo in Hawaii that he is always urging me to "come and visit" but no plans for what to do with our parent, who relies on me for care. Not to mention that caring for my parents has left me practically bankrupt and I could not afford the airfare! He actually suggested that I hire a nurse to take care of my parent for a week, so I could get some r & r. When I asked if he would help defray the cost, he said I should get the money from my parent, who is very frugal and would part with teeth before paying for a nurse when they can get me for free.
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Never. I doubt it has entered their mind. I haven't asked them, however, so it would be unfair to blame. Wouldn't it be nice if people just knew what to do naturally? Most probably don't consider it, and if they do, there is consideration about how to fill the needs of the parent and their own families at the same time.
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One sister came to stay with Mom twice. Not to give me a break but to visit with Mom. The second time she slept on her "good" ear....Mom got up in the middle of the night, fell into the shower...turning the hot water on as she fell and screamed for over 10 minutes before my sister heard. She was 10 feet away. I'll forgo vacations for a while. The other sister...who lives 5 miles away....NEVER. She can barely be bothered with her for more than 3 hrs a week.
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Hope you can get her interested, Care4Mama. I think she would like it after she got to know people.
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Until recently my siblings never ever assisted me with our mother. Only since the last hospitalization have they stepped up a tad. It seems that each one of my 4 brothers and 1 sister purposely set their lives up so they could not have my mother come to their house to visit. I asked my mother to be my roommate (didn't want to strip her of her independence) because I was over there every weekend doing the laundry, shopping and housecleaning. Now she lives with me and my husband and is in her last stages of COPD. She is very difficult right now because she wants to "go home" and her time is not there yet. I can't get her to keep the oxygen on so I'm constantly dealing with "episodes" cause by lack of oxygen!! I am so sorry your do not have any support, I refuse to let my siblings off the hook, I have now given them a schedule of time to spend with mother so I can get breaks. So far, they are all participating and assisting. Some even apologize for being so blind and thoughtless!!
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My brother and his wife live 15 minutes away and they might as well be dead to me and my Mom. She has late stage AD. If I asked, they would agree to help, but it would be nice for them to offer!! My Mom took care of their bratty kids years ago and now she is ignored. I am her 24/7 caregiver and have accepted it. Getting old sucks......
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I have 7 sibliings. Only twice,for several months, did they cover for me - out of necessity. I had to have 2 major stomache surgeries, one year after the other. Someone had to help elderly father caregive bedridden mom. I had my 2nd surgery - at Hawaii. We thought I had ovarian cancer but fortunately it was not. But I get to stay in Hawaii close to a month! =) That was 4 yrs ago....Other than that NO.
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Never. I took one week off while she was in a rehab center and they complained and said I was selfish.
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