I'm curious how many caregivers in this group either did see or currently see a professional therapist for guidance and support?

Hand raised, I did. One thing I learned from the therapist was that any choices my parents made that my parents needed to be fully responsible for those choices.

Example, my parents chose to remain in their large single family house with a lot of stairs. I felt it wasn't user friendly for someone in their 90's, but my parents weren't going to budge from that place. So whenever my parents would complain about this or that, I would say "well, you chose to remain in this house".

That way I was finally able to set boundaries, which should have been done five years ago, but who knew. Why should I change my life because of "their decisions". Oh I did help, but I had cut way back because my therapist said don't keep enabling them otherwise they would never move, why should they, life was good.

I haven't been in therapy since my non- hands-on caregiving started, but I saw a therapist for several years, many years ago. I learned to recognize what I could control, and when my buttons were being pushed.

Just as an example, it's helpful to be able to say " mom is having an anxiety attack. Those used to really scare me when I was a little girl. They are still upsetting now, but now I can ask that she be given medication for it, instead of ME getting upset and lashing out at someone".

For me, therapy helped me know myself. It's a process you continue on your own, long after the session are over.

Is this a trick question?



lol

Hi Harpcat-I was seeing a therapist before we moved in August and am contacting one in our new town after the first of the year. For me it is very helpful. I didn't "click" with the first two I saw so my advice is to find one that you feel comfortable with. As with doctors I look for one's that I can feel as though I'm talking with a friend. Sense of humor is a must for me and also someone who I can totally trust with all the different emotions I am experiencing. What I looked forward to when my appointment was being able to discuss my situation, get guidance, suggestions and share some laughs. The human contact and being able to have a normal conversation kept me somewhat grounded. Sometimes the conversations would include the NBA or places to shop for a good deal etc. Also funny life experiences, jokes etc. I am looking forward to finding one here. Just last week got my husband signed up for daycare so I could pursue this and get a break. Will be just one day every other week. It's what we can afford. It's a start.

Babalou, how I remember those button pushing by my parents or sig other. You'd think I would learn not to explode whenever my Dad [94] said he would start driving again because I couldn't drive him to Home Depot that afternoon. BOOM!! My voice would go up a couple of octaves, my hands would shake, and I am crying on the phone. And Dad would remark for me to call him when I wasn't so upset :P

Now I can just say "whatever" whenever he says something that defies common sense.

When my mother was dying I needed a psychiatrist. I loved that he was clinically detached because it was my problem, not his. I wanted to understand and fix my problems without drugs. I'm not sure how many old-fashioned, conservative psychiatrists like mine are even left out there today. I think it's perverse how insurance companies will pay for drugs but not talk therapy.

Another hand raised. I've been seeing a therapist going on four years. It is very helpful because I tend to get lost in my caregiving role and need help holding onto my sense of self as someone other than a resource for my mother. I don't intend to stop going until my mother dies or I stop caregiving, whichever comes first.

Yes, I do...A psychiatrist, a therapist, a social worker, and I got to support groups 3X a week. Does it help..It keeps my feet on the ground..That way I am better able to take care of my husband...

Phizphiz.....that's a great point about "clicking". I'm seeing one now just because of all the chaos in my life plus the care giving. Have been 3 or 4 times. Although I don't know if he's the right one for me yet, he has given me some really good ideas for coping. I also agree with support groups. Even if you don't see a therapist it helps with knowing that you aren't the only one going through things plus like this site, you get great info and in site and you will have the added benefit of building bonds with others going through the same thing. Most support groups are lead by trained/experienced leaders who know how to guide the conversation so no one person takes up the whole time. Good luck and God Bless.

I also have a wicked sense of humor and if they don't "get it" then I feel it's their loss :)). And yes, keep on laughing. It keeps me going. Christmas is almost over and I hope everyone was able to enjoy a little "peace" of it. God Bless