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Patient is in beginning stages of dementia. Gave medical POA to daughter but regrets decision. Prefers I take over and I am willing to do so. How do we proceed?

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You and the patient need to go to an elder law attorney. There the attorney will take the patient aside privately interview him/her to assess if this person has legal capacity to create a new PoA, and is not under pressure from whoever brought him/her to the attorney. If the PoA is successfully changed, the daughter will need to be informed that she is no longer his/her PoA. If you don't do this, she has no other way to know she no longer has authority and it could cause problems.
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EllieW Jan 2023
Thank you. That's pretty much what I thought.
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to those who reply to OP, careful.

—of course there are exceptions—but sometimes a hired caregiver wants control, wants to grab the money (i know OP’s question APPARENTLY refers to “medical” POA, but still…). of course there are sometimes family members who abuse POA too.

anyway, careful responding.

there’s a conflict of interest when the hired caregiver is also POA (whether medical or not).

POA document is sometimes called a licence to steal.

if the POA’s patient is fully, legally mentally competent, the patient could have easily answered the question how to go about it since they’ve already done it before for their daughter.

the fact that the patient didn’t answer the question is suspicious.
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EllieW Jan 2023
Wow. First, I'm not a hired caregiver. I am the patient's partner although we are not married. Second, there is no money involved. Third, the patient didn't request that his daughter become Medical POA. The daughter took that upon herself and used her influence to get the patient to sign. Finally, nothing subversive or undue is going on here. It's just a guy that wants someone else to manage his medical appointments. Why all the suspicion?
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It depends on how far the Dementia has progressed. Medical is the easiest POA. The patient has already put in the Medical what he wants and doesn' want. All the person assigned needs to do is carry that out. They are just a voice. They are just a contact for Doctors and staff. The assigned just says, no thats not what the patient wants. The assigned carries out the patients request.
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EllieW Jan 2023
Could you elaborate on the issue of how far the dementia has progressed? How is this determined? Also, is it necessary to be medical POA in order to speak with physicians or other caregivers? Can the patient himself provide the necessary permissions or must the medical POA do that? Thanks for you help.
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Try not to get involved with a family POA that has already been given. You have access to your friend and are talking about it which can be seen by the daughter as a form of plotting. You are an outsider in the eyes of the family. There is such a thing as undue influence. I suggest you read the warning signs in this link https://alzfdn.org/undue-influence/
If you want to start a legal fight for a person already diagnosed with dementia, this could be legally costly.
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If you aren't family, butt out. It's not your place.
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BurntCaregiver Jan 2023
Amen to that.
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EllieW,

How you proceed, is you don't.
I was an in-home caregiver for almost 25 years. I have had dozens of elderly clients that I worked for privately who wanted me to take over their POA because they thought their kids weren't 'doing enough' or they were delusional from dementia.
Do not open that Pandora's Box and take POA for an elderly client with dementia. Even if their dementia is mild. No way. Don't do it.
It's not worth the serious trouble you could get into.
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The profile indicates that this is an ex partner of someone in a nursing home.

I, also, would advise caution in altering long standing arrangements.

What has changed since the original MPOA?

Did one of them move further away so that communication and timely response is an issue?

Have the person’s end of life wishes changed? I can see someone in a nursing home for a broken hip finding out that they are in “the beginning stages of dementia” and needing to change their MPOA. If they are there because they can no longer live safely alone, it is difficult to see them making a well thought out change.

They would change the MPOA by creating a new document with the same formality as its predecessor. If this is necessary, be very gentle in facilitating the change so as not to damage the relationships. Leave the DPOA alone; once someone is in a nursing home, dealing with their finances is usually a thankless task so leave those arrangements undisturbed.
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EllieW Jan 2023
Thanks. Good advice. The only thing that has changed since the original MPOA was established is that I am now willing to be an MPOA whereas before I was not. Unfortunately, I'm not sure my friend was competent enough to sign the original MPOA document, let alone sign a new one. I'm not looking for a battle. I just want to help out a person who is very important to me and who happens to be more comfortable with me than he is with his daughter.
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