Help! Siblings say I can live in the house after Mom goes in to long term care because I was her caregiver for more than 2 years. Should I?

The majority of siblings would never allow this to happen. You are very fortunate. But, correct, you will be responsible for all house related expenses.

You might start by calling the assessors office in your county and ask if you are entitled to any discount on the taxes.

How is the house titled? I have lived in my father's house since he died. The house is owned in trust by four siblings of which I am one. Because I live here, I am responsible for taxes, insurance, maintenance, repairs yard work and utilities and, yrs, it is very expensive.

If I owned the house by myself, I might sell it and move, but so far I have chosen to stay b/c I have enjoyed being "the keeper" of the family home and I enjoy my involvement in the community. I live on a low level of Social Security payments, so paying to stay in this home leaves me nothing extra, but as my husband used to say, "You have to live somewhere."

In my life I have lived many "somwhere's" including many years being homeless or living in a van or motor home. Maybe my willingness to spend most of my resources to live in this house is because this is b/c this is a satisfying new stage for me.

Excuse my digression into my own life. You get me started when you wondered if taking on a house was expensive. Yes, it is!

You have wonderful siblings, kind and considerate. I would consult with an elder attorney first. Wondering if you plan on selling the house in the future and if so maybe siblings can help with the upkeep and taxes. $4,000 a year is really not too much if you consider renting an apartment. Our taxes are $4,000 per year which is less than $400 per month if you think of it that way. I pay the house taxes and the upkeep for my mom and I know it is expensive but cheaper in the long run. Good luck.

You say that your Mom is on medicaid. Yes, you can stay in while she is alive, but what will happen with clawback of the money after death varies. You should see an elder law attorney. If your Mother has a will and you were left the home, then what remains of it after medicaid recovery would be yours. There are some laws that can/may protect the child inheriting who was caregiver and has health issues. You need a lawyer in my opinion, familiar with medicaid recovery, who can tell you what those are.
You say that your Mom is on medicaid. How she can then afford 4,000 in taxes is beyond me. She cannot due to spend down. So there is also that. If you cannot afford the taxes it is difficult to imagine how you can inherit the house also.
I would use this time to save like mad. Just save like crazy. There are ways to live VERY INEXPENSIVELY. My bro lived in a trailer home he bought for 30,000 end of his life (it appreciated to 100,000 at sale due to his improvements. His monthly space and utilities were 600 a month in So. Cal, so I would be the first to tell you you can live in a wonderful space inexpensively still with a lot of research on that on your part. Meanwhile, it is imperative you SAVE like crazy and become as informed as you are able. Sure wish you good luck. Right now you are a caretaker of the property and somehow family, the POA, is going to have to come up with a way to pay taxes if Mom cannot. As she is on Medicaid I assume she cannot.

Yankee, reading your other posts and profile, it does not sound like caregiving for your mom without getting paid for it is a good idea. Especially when your mom rages and threatens to throw you out.

You and your siblings need to use some of mom's money to consult an eldercare attorney to set up a caregiver contract for you (if that's what you want to do) or decide how to ease mom into a facility and get the house sold.

I hope that you have applied for low cost/Section 8 housing in your area and consulted with a caseworker about food stamps, job training programs and the like.

If you ENJOY caregiving, look into getting CNA training and you will be able to choose your job; there is a huge shortage right now.

You answered your own question. You need to get a full time job, find your own apartment and move out of the house. Living in the house gives you no special claim after your mother dies and don’t expect help with taxes and repairs from your siblings unless you make it clear that you are staying there in a caretaker capacity. Your siblings will want to sell the house and divide the proceeds equally after your mother’s death so you will have to move out anyway. Nothing you said makes me think there is any advantage to you to continue to live in the house any longer than it takes to get your act together and reestablish your own life.

I keep reading in answers that you can only live in the house temporarily. Maybe it is different in each state. I was my parents caregiver for over two years before they had to go into a nursing home. Medicaid allows adult child who lived in the home as a caregiver for at least two years to have the house. A quit deed was done and the home ownership was transferred to me. Now if the house was already in the name of all of your siblings before the 5 year look back this would not be the case - then your siblings would be allowing you to live there. In either case in New York Medicaid cannot come after the house in recovery because it was legally transferred out of your Mom’s name. Once the home was in my name, I assumed responsibility for taxes, utilities and repairs. In my case, it is still less than rent somewhere else. Good luck!

Just consult an elder law attorney. There is much misinformation here and laws vary from state to state. Providing two years of medically necessary care before the nursing home may, depending on your state, exempt the home and YOU from any impact of MedicAid estate recovery.

My question is this: If you can't afford the roughly $334/month tax bill, then how can you live anywhere at all? Rents are much much higher than that! On the surface it seems to me that your siblings are giving you a gift of very low living expenses, whether you own the house or not. Personally I would be grateful.

Please do not stress when you don't have to; by reading answers here you may upset yourself more. You need to touch base with your own elder law attorney who will be your advocate and look out for you. I am hardly an expert but I know there is something I believe called the adult child exemption, that applies to an adult child living in the home who is providing care or services to an elder parent(s). I document ever so briefly what I might do for my parents in the course of a day just as back up. I don't know how it will work out in the end at this point, but I am on call 24/7 and caring for them impacted my health to the point where I was rushed to the hospital and needed emergency surgery to survive. My sister left the state 18+ years ago and would happily see them in a facility. That would leave me basically homeless for all I've done. The thought of suing the estate to survive once they are gone has crossed my mind. My father is ingnorant, demanding, and naive not to mention deaf so it creates a bigger problem. He thinks family does for family. Lovely, so do I....but he doesn't realize what could happen in spite of our having met with a terrific CELA. (certified elder law attorney). Unfortunately I was looking for employment decades ago when the economy tanked and when I finally got a job, it was a good one, but 25 hours a week. I imagined getting another part time one to add in but it was impossible to find something that meshed and I was giving to much to the job I had, I had no energy, juice for anything else. So now I am approaching retirement myself, which for all I know may be in my favor, and at least will have a wee bit of a pension. I do agree that the taxes, while outrageously high in our area, are still going to be less than what rent would tally up to. I would definitely see what services and benefits you are entitled to and use them all. And be aware of your city and government....if you vote for a levy, your taxes go UP. In our area the bulk of taxes go to the local school district. There has been much discussion of how unfair a way this is to support school systems in our state. Yet nothing has been done. Wishing you the best. Take good care. (Maybe consider having someone house share with you to make ends meet?)