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I have been physically attacked by the clients boyfriend/tenant twice, I have been sexually harrassed/abused twice. My bedroom has been broken into countless times. My keys to my vehicle have been stolen. Both sets so now my truck is nondriveable. My truck has been vandalized countless times and broken into. My stored belongings have been ransacked and strewn all over the property. She owes me for three and a half months wages I worked last year. She drinks from the time she wakes up if she happens to fall to sleep. Right now she's on her phone talking to ?? and saying all kinds of lies and bad things about me that aren't true. She has stolen money from me. Two of my paychecks have been stolen and cashed. My new bank account checks were stolen out of the mailbox that her son has the only key to and my bank account has been emptied. She's only 66 years old and there is nothing wrong with her other than she is an alcoholic and drinks a thirty pack a day and smokes a carton of cigarettes a day. I was hired with the understanding that I was here to assist her with her daily routine. She only is approved for three hours a day,. I didnt know that I would be rolling cigarettes for hours. I didnt know I would be spending out of my pocket for her food. Her son has her food card. He bought her a bag full of chef boy ardee and a can opener and threw her a box of plastic forks and that was in December. I have seen him shop for her all of maybe seven times when it comes to food. But every other day he brings her a thirty pack of booze and a carton of cigarettes. Wait, thats two cartons of cigarettes. Isnt her behaviour considered self abuse? She keeps me upp all night yelling and saying very hurtful and bad things to me and about me and I'm not talking all night as one night. She stays awake for days at a time. One time it was a week straight. The whole time abusing me mentally and verbally. I found drugs by her bed twice. She denies them. She blames me for any and everything. Can I report that she is injuring herself? Or can I report abuse towards me. She owes me a lot of money. Thats the only reason I havent gave my notice. If I leave, ill never see that money. Please help. And know that the whole time I've been typing, she's been down my neck talking crazy bad things to me. Oh and another thing,... ive been here a year this month waiting for my past wages to be paid so I can have enough money to move back into my own rented space. All my paychecks go to her and her needs. She threatens to have the utilities shut off if I don't pay everyones share and there's two other renters that live here. Well three counting the other tenants overnite guest thats always here. My food, my clothing, my mail packages, everything I own has been infiltrated and gone or ruined. Ive made almost 100 calls to the local police department about all the bad things that are happening to me here and they could care less. They don't like this lady or this property because a 23 year old pregnant caregiver died here about 14 months ago from an overdose in the bedroom five feet away from hers and was ruled a homicide. I never knew this until about four months after moving in to this job. At that point I was already owed three and a half months of unpaid wages. There has got to be some kind of law that is being broken by her. She hired me and two minutes after hiring me she had me cleaning her camode that I truly don't believe her doctor prescribed. She refuses to go to her Dr. Appointment for reevaluation cause she know that she is going to be cut off in home care. She had a fractured shoulder. That was her injury. Over three years ago. I didnt know any of this until I spent the time I've spent here. She wasn't going to tell me the truth. She just kept putting me off and putting me off. And now here I am, abused, abused, my animals murdered in my locked bedroom, poisoned two days ago the ones who survived the attacks prior but thank God I knew the symptoms and got to

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Who in the WORLD hired you to care for an alcoholic?
I could have stopped four sentences in, because the answer was already clear. That you have worked four months without pay means it is not clear to you. But the answer is:
You say this is a client. If it is, then quit.
You say you are living with this person. If so, then move.
Get a decent job somewhere and may your way forward without this crew. You surely are clear that there IS NO ANSWER if you stay. I sure wish you the best of luck.
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I would love to know your age.

First, everything you have said is against labor laws. If you are a live-in, you pay no rent or utilities. If you work more than 3 hrs that an agency pays, then it comes out of the clients pocket and that is minimum wage. You have lost more than the wages she owes you for.

Get to Social Services and see if they can help u with temporary housing. See if there is a way for someone to get into ur truck and hot wire it. Leave NOW, taking everything with you even if you have to live in a truck. You will never see that money. If she is getting 3 hours help it maybe Medicaid. Were the checks made out to you or her? If you, stealing them and cashing them is fraud. Same thing if the checks are made out to her and she isn't paying the caregiver its fraud. After you get out, report her for the checks.

Please, do not get yourself in this position again. Like I said, there are Labor Laws in place for live-in Caregivers. You may want to find out what they are. IRS considers you an employee not self-employed. So employers must take out payroll taxes and send them to the appropriate agency. You always have a contract. You work like any other employee 40 hrs a week with time off. The employer must hire someone else on your time off or do the Caring themselves. Overtime means time and a half.

Without a contract, you will probably never see what your owed. Chalk it up to a learning experience. Caregiving is hard work. Me, I rather have a 40hr a week job where I do my job and go home.

Also, get a PO Box for your mail. This way you don't have to worry about someone stealing ur mail, which too is a crime but u have to prove it. I think there is something called general delivery.
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Laura, these people steal from you but you wanna pay them more so…um…you’ll get more later? They poisoned your animals but you still are living there (with any surviving animals)?
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Walk away today ..
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Pack up your belongings.
Get yourself as far away from this situation as you possibly can.
Getting your back pay is of little concern when it comes to your health and safety.
Once away you can contact a lawyer for advice on all the other matters.
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You my dear are in WAY over your head, and need to get out ASAP.
I like others am having a hard time understanding how a 3 hour a day job turned into you moving in and having to pay everyone's expenses.
You are not only being abused but you're also being used, BIG time. And the sad thing is that you're allowing it to happen.
You say in your profile that you're smart, but after reading your post, I'm finding it hard to believe that, as no one that truly is smart would put up with any of what you've posted. I mean really. Why haven't you left already? Surely you know by now that you're never going to get any of the money that you say you're owed, right?
So cut your losses and get the hell out of there!!! Your post says that you're new to caregiving. Might I suggest that perhaps this really isn't the field that you should be in, as you seem to be way too naïve, gullible and don't have enough backbone to be able to set healthy boundaries needed to do your job well.
And once you leave might I also suggest that you get some therapy for yourself to better understand why you would put up with ALL this unhealthy nonsense, because you my dear have some major issues that need to be addressed.
I wish you well in getting your life back in a more normal situation and in finding a new career.
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NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2023
This is true. Caregiving may not be the best fit for her. She is in a nightmare situation. I don’t know if she was deceived or didn’t assess the situation properly. Regardless of what she assumed the job would be, she needs to get the hell out of there and as soon as possible.
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Inhomecarelaura - with all due respect, I´m very confused. You mention that you were hired to help her three hours a day - but somehow if I am understanding correctly you are living with her full time? Did the hired position change or did your own personal situation change and necessitate a reason for you to live with her and in exchange you are caregiving for her additional time or she agreed to pay you as a live in caregiver? You talk about paying utilities for all tenants so this arrangement is very twisted up in a lot of ways.

In any case - this situation sounds horrible. I know that you are waiting for all of that backpay so that you can get on your feet when you leave. I don´t think that is a safe option at this point. I agree with needhelpwithmom -I think at this point you cut your losses and just go with whatever you can take with you.

If you are working through an agency - report the situation and let them battle it out for the lost wages. If not, I would just chalk it up to a very hard lesson learned and walk (RUN) away. Even a shelter until you can get on your feet sounds safer and more stable than your current situation. You are being virtually held hostage by this woman and your situation and this is akin to domestic abuse where the spouse does not have the means to leave the situation so they stay because they see no way out.

Someone is paying for that 3 hours a day right? You mention that she has stolen two paychecks so I am assuming that someone is sending those to you to pay for her care, and she is not paying you for the other hours you work. Have you reported this to them?

One thing I would caution you on. There are other paid caregivers here who can speak to this much better than I can. But at the very least for the 3 hours a day that you are paid by another agency, make sure that you let them know you are leaving so that you are not in a situation of job abandonment and potentially putting a ¨vulnerable adult¨ in danger. It doesn´t necessarily sound like she qualifies for that title any longer, but if she did get those 3 hours a day, at some point she qualified for care, so just be careful that you don´t put yourself in hot water for leaving her without alerting the proper people. I know you have tried to get help from the police, but definitely let the agency providing your ¨official¨ time know the situation and that you are leaving.
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Why do you live there if your client "only is approved for three hours a day"? Who is sending you the paychecks? An agency?

Is this your first caregiving job? Are you mentally incapacitated in some way?
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I don’t mean to be rude so please don’t take offense but this is one of the craziest postings on this forum that I have ever read.

I am sorry for your pain. Please step outside of your comfort zone and take a hard look at reality.

Oh my gosh, I don’t even know exactly where to start but I suppose that I will start with your profile.

I respect your faith in God but I absolutely do not agree with your beliefs. You say, “that you never give up on a person.” That’s your first mistake!

There are many people in this world that you should definitely give up on. What makes you think that you have the power to change anyone? None of us have the ability to change anyone.

Another thing that you say is, “you can’t let God see you not doing your best.” Newsflash! God doesn’t expect anyone to be a doormat. God gives us a brain to know that we were not placed here on earth to be abused.

You say that your client owes you money. Lady, cut your losses and find another client!

You can’t be happy in this position. You have been abused in several ways and yet you are still there. How much money does she owe you? No amount of money is worth sticking around for. This situation is a nightmare that will only become worse.

Are you working for an agency or as a private caregiver?

I certainly hope that you are going to give notice ASAP. Good luck!
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Inhomecarelaura Feb 2023
Awesome!!!!!!!Thank you soooo much. Those are the words I needed someone to send me! I love you! Yessss! I am so glad you are on this forum. I am so glad I joined. I don't know what answer I was looking for. Didn't even see this one coming. But you are right on the money. I am the blame at this point for still being here. Yes. I thank you so much. I just got a bunch of "get right" back in my soul. Its hard to see things clearly when you're beat down daily over time. Thany you thank you thank you. Can I be your friend? SERIOUSLY?
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