Has anyone been the sole caregiver for a parent who had an acute stroke?

Get help.
You need caregivers.
Place him in facility as is possible.

This isn't a 'make him happy' moment - it is a time to do what is needed for your and his quality of life and safety.

Realize often there is "NO" making anyone happy when going through these life changes. The 'best' you can do is keep yourself healthy so you can make appropriate decisions for your dad.

P.S. We can never 'make another person happy." We can support them to be as comfortable as possible and they must decide how they feel or want to feel. Dealing with disaiblities, aging, this isn't 'cut and dry' by any means.
* Key is that you realize you cannot make him happy - and if he has a moment of 'happy' - that will change the next moment. Then you are not setting any personal or healthy boundaries - and that is never good. It will exhaust you and you will lose yourself.

When we / you try to 'make' others happy ... we/you are giving her personal power away and NOT do what is in his best interest.

Gena / Touch Matters

Gena / Touch Matters

If you try to do this alone you will be miserable. It’s a day and night job which means very little sleep. You will probably come to resent your dad. He probably needs to be in a nursing home unless he has a lot of money to pay for 24/7 help. If you choose the NH try to visit most days. You can even take him for drives or out to eat if he is able. You deserve a quality life and doing this alone will not be it.

OnlyChild1960: In answer to your question, I was the out of state caregiver for my late mother, who suffered a life ending ischemic stroke. You are absolutely going to require help.

If you want to keep your father at home with you I suggest you hire 2 or 3 teams consisting of a nurse and a caregiver (or 2) that can be at your home 24 hours a day. Some caregivers (and at home nurses) prefer to work 4 12-hour shifts. Maybe a nurse just during the day (7 days). If you were to do this it will be very expensive and completely exhausting for you if you pick up some of the shifts plus work your full time job outside the house.
It is IMPOSSIBLE for you to do it alone. And… I think your father would understand. I can’t imagine him even asking this of you.

Explain to him and yourself that he needs to be where he can get physical therapy, vocational therapy, regular nursing check-ups, his meds on time, bathed and dressed. So unless you can quit your job and hire a full time staff to do this he needs to be where he can get this help.

Maybe you haven’t considered all that this will entail. Start visiting some homes, get costs, call caregiver agencies and get costs; you will understand.
Love and light,

To be family caregiving, you will face many new responsibilities. Here’s how to find support, overcome challenges, and make caregiving more rewarding for both you and the person you’re caring for.
Matilda

Trust the professionals and the voices of those here who have been in your shoes. You love him and want to do what is best for him. You want to keep him safe. It probably won't make him happy but in a way, the "I want dad to be happy" could really be restated as, "I don't want to make dad mad." You have tough choices ahead but I think folks have made it clear that you cannot do this yourself. I'm sorry, it is a tough spot to be in.

The professionals are correct, you can’t do this alone, working outside of the home or not, no one can. Even a professional caregiver couldn’t do this alone well and it has nothing to do with how much you want to or not. I also doubt there is any way to make him happy, he is learning to live with heavy life limitations from a stroke and you can’t take that away. But you can keep him safe and give him the best life possible. Is he able to communicate and comprehend what is happening and what his needs are? Have you been able to discus it with him? Are his limitations now permanent or is he still recovering and improving? I assume he has been in rehab and you are faced with the next step now that either Medicare has run out or his improvement has reached a plateau and he no longer qualifies for what he has been getting. Does he like where he is, is there a choice to stay there as a permanent resident? What are the choices you have, can he afford full time help if he moved home and would he get what he needs? Can he afford a residential placement that provides what he needs? These are all the questions to answer as you are figuring out the best thing to do, nothing is likely to be perfect, it isn’t a perfect situation and you will have to choose the best option, the right option rather than the ideal one. I feel your pain!

I was a son full-time caregiver for my mom. I had to live with the daily fear of her having a TIA (mini-stroke). It would come on suddenly, but only last a few minutes. Each time, I would try to be calm as I could see the struggle she was having. It saddened me that there was nothing I could do to stop it. As part of our daily routine, I would ask her write down her DOB, SS No., Address, and Phone No. Then I would have her sign her name. It was an exercise to keep her mind active.

The TIA's did take a toll, as she became more frail, and thus my responsibilities as caregiver increased. I often thought, "What if this time, it turns out to be the "big one." How will I handle it? I was so relieved I never had to answer that question, as she never lost the ability to feed herself, speak, write, walk or smile. She died at age 93, having lived a long and productive life. I still get upset thinking what we both had to go through. You do need additional help. Reach out to your local Office for the Aging, and County Dept of Social Services, for suggestions on how to get assistance. I wish you well.

If it were me, I would listen to the professionals. Are you going to quit your job? You may be able to hire care to come in full time during the day while you're at work, but when you come home from working, guess what? He still needs care and you're going to have to provide it no matter how tired you are. What if he needs care at 2 am. Soils the bed and needs to be cleaned up...how are you going to work the next day after doing that? What if the daytime caregiver doesn't show up due to bad weather or illness...

I would let him go to LTC/Rehab and see if there are improvements. Don't make any rash decisions. Wait to see if he will be permanently in this state or if therapy can help him get some of his mobility back. His age, what other health issues he has and how bad the stroke was will all come into play here as well.

I am very sorry about your father. I am a full time caregiver for my husband. I do not work and thankfully I don't because the caregiving is a full time job as one of the others mentioned in your fathers condition. However, my mother had a stroke 2 years ago and she has come a long way in those 2 years. If your father is getting therapy, he may get some functions back. My husband can not transfer either, or bath or dress himself, etc. It is a full time job and does not give much freedom. If you can afford it then maybe hiring a daily caregiver to assist him with his needs while you are at work. Also, having all the medical equipment is necessary. Medical bed, ADA shower, wheelchair, transport chair, hoyer lift, bed pans, bed pads, etc. I wish you the best of luck. Whatever decision you both make it will be hard emotionally. Just take one step at a time because your father may get some mobility back in his left side but it could take a while.

I had a stroke leaving my right side paralyzed. I can't walk and get around in a wheelchair. My wife, now my ex, was no help at all. Her attitude has caused me to leave for another state, leaving the home I bought and put so much work into.
The night of the stroke she got mad when I tried to wake her up, so I had to get up and call 911 myself.
Thanks for letting me rant.

I feel for you pardner. I am in the same boat with my wife, who had a severe stroke last November. It has taken me some time to grieve and I am sorry you are going through this terrible experience. I brought my wife home twice, and she went back twice. I am 81 and found out pretty quickly that I could not care for her at home by myself. I bothers me deeply to have her in a long term facility, but at least I know she is safe, fed decent meals, medicated by professionals, and cared for by folks who know what they are doing. Please don't blame yourself. You REALLY CAN'T do this alone and it is not your fault. As a sole caregiver myself, I can tell you I still deal with my never-ending grief, but I am slowly learning to deal with it.

With the help of equipment and caregivers when you are not there it MIGHT be possible to care for him at home.
He will need to hire 1 maybe 2 caregivers. Some will require 2 caregivers if there are problems with transfers or if equipment is used. (This is if you hire through an agency)
Most AL facilities can not use equipment so if that is necessary and he can not be a 1 or 2 person transfer he would then be a candidate for Skilled Nursing Facility.
Maybe the only way to be sure that he is safe is in Skilled Nursing.
YOU can NOT "MAKE" him happy. That is not your job. He can chose to be happy or not that is his choice.
If you are POA and he can not make decisions at this point your sole responsibility is to make sure he is SAFE and cared for in a setting that is appropriate for his level of care needs.

I'm sorry about your dad, my mum is in a similar situation having had her stroke 4 months ago. I have thought about caring for her at home because I just want her to have the best life possible, but it's just not feasible really.

One of the main things for us is that my mum is able to sit in a chair but she needs to be hoisted there. Hoisting someone requires two people, so even if I was there 24/7 then she could only move from bed to chair or back when another carer is there. I don't know if that is the same for your dad but that is the kind of practicality you have to consider.

My mum is sad about moving to a nursing home but she understands it is the only reasonable option really. Over the past few days, me and my brothers have been visiting some places and some of them are really nice and they care a lot about their residents and treating them well. I hope you are able to find a good place for your dad to live.

I too was the sole caregiver for my husband who had a massive stroke at the young age of 48. It affected his right side and left him unable to speak, write, read, walk or use his right arm.
He did however have extensive physical, occupational and speech therapy for many months after, and was eventually able to walk with a brace on his right leg, say a few words and some short sentences, but never did regain use of his right arm or knew how to read or write.
But we made it work together. I'm sure it was easier for me because I was 12 years younger than my husband.
It did get harder as time went by as my husband continued to have many health issues along the way, and eventually developed vascular dementia, which took him in 2020 at the age of 72.
But I was blessed(hard as it was)to have been able to keep him home and care for him until his death.
Your dad was older when he had his stroke and I'm not sure how much therapy he has had, but I would make sure that he is still getting the necessary therapy he needs to get back as much as he possibly can, before it's too late.
I know when my husband had his stroke, his doctors said that it can take up to 2 years before someone can regain what has been lost, so make sure that your dad and his therapists are still working hard.
I wish you and your dad the very best.

I was 24/7 hands-on caregiver for my spouse after he had an acute disabling stroke. In addition to what everyone is telling you here, I need to warn you about emotional lability of stroke victims. This means extreme anger, possible violence, sometimes long laughter when nothing is going on. A while into recovery, painful muscle and tendon contracture started. This affects mobility, balance and development of the muscle. This spasticity is why stroke victims’ arms and hands pull up in a characteristic way. Stroke is worse than you think it is. Recovery never goes smoothly and requires more people than just one to manage it. It is better accomplished in a facility than at home.

To follow onto what Zippy said, if you won't consider that advice or 24hr care accommodation yet - read on. Sorry to be blunt - better to know the truth of a thing & look it in the eye imho.

It may be possible for Dad to live at your home. Here are the immediate things I can think of you will need (there will be more);
- equipment eg wheelchair, wheelchair ramp, commonde, hoist (if unable to stand to transfer) electric bed
- support person for all assistance eg transfers, meals, toileting, dressing, bathing, medication dispensing.
- assistance for activities and social support

OnlyChild, if you work outside the home, then you will need to delegate Dad's care to trained people all the hours you are away.

This will be very financially burdensome + take much organisation for you to arrange - a staff roster, staff absences, late, fill-ins, training etc.

The hours you are at home, you will need to be 'on duty' to assist Dad. Eg every evening & every overnight. This will include toileting assistance.

If Dad can no longer use a telephone & has poor mobility or cognition, he may not be safe of left alone. This means if you wish to go out, he will need to accompany you. Probably in a wheelchair. Could you manage transfers in & out of your car & manage the weight of a wheelchair? There are lighter weight ones (but I know I can't). Or use a wheelchair taxi service.

It's 24/7 supported care with a staff of YOU + staff you hire.

Don't fall into any magical thinking traps that because someone is 'at home' their 24/7 care needs disappear.

Also, that their social & emotional needs will be met.

I have seen the fallout of people brought home when there is inadequate care.

Please change *happy* to something more useful.

PS Don't be surprised if this hits you hard. You may start to grieve what Dad has lost. It is probably a lot. It is OK to grieve.

I hear what you say "you want to make Dad happy".

*Happy*. What does that mean to you? To Dad?

I would start by listening to Dad's medical team. Update your thinking to the new reality, harsh as it is.

Stroke is a game-changer. It is a serious brain injury. Yes people do & can recover & it is good to be hopeful! I hope Dad has a great physio team to assist with his recovery journey. Be a part of that - to cheer him on with any gains made.

As to "make Dad happy". Look to rephrase this.

How about *support* Dad in his stroke recovery or *support* Dad in his adjustment to being a stroke survivor.

*Happy* does not mean trying to BE a 24/7 nursing home.

I cared for my father with a stroke after he left rehab. It is a lot to keep up with.

If you are able to, I would either hire additional help or place him in a facility.

I don’t think it will be possible to work full time and care for your dad.

Put him in a facility. Not possible for one person to care for someone in that condition.