Follow
Share

He's the one getting paid & doesn't give anything to his brother who isnt even trained. Three brothers youngest ones idea to take care of mom who has dementia and gets paid to do so ,she's great with him,Now hes always saying he needs a brake and tells the oldest to watch here, & all he does is tell her to be quiet ,to wait he has no patience at all always in the other room on the web or asleep hebwoks only 6 he's a day and has No traing for this so then the always tell the other bro to help out that he doesn't pitch in well this bro works night shift and comes home tired but there always banging on the window waking him up demanding him that he should be up and go over there Is there sumthing he can do he barely making enough to live man and pays the bills for his house and for the older bro and pays rent which the older bro doesnt ,he doesn't pay nothing that I know of Now the youngest live as with his mom , oldest next door in front of the other bro the youngest owns all three so in other words he's using his middle bro woch doesn't mind to watch his mom cu he loves her but its very nerve wrecking for him and he Is a very patient man but has no training for this. And wut if the mom chokes or falls its just scarey and illegal for the Lil bro to leave all the time doesn't even give him a brake on the rent or at least half that check he's getting sos my friend please...

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I need to be sure I am understanding this properly and I mean no offence but it seems you are distressed by all of this:

If you are saying there are 3 brothers involved, one of them gets paid to care for their mother the other two dont, then it is still not fair that he does 24/7 care - he would be exhausted, especially if his mum is up at night and wanders and is incontinent etc etc
If the other two have no skills in caring then you should get someone iin who can care for their mum but it will be at a cost.

As a carer it is usual not to pay rent or have to buy food out of your own pocket if the care you provide is live in care

As has been said before there should be a laid out plan of what each brother is going to do. If one is caring for 8 hours one is working for 6 hours and the other is working for 8 hours then there are still 16 hours of care to cover every day and unless they are willing to pay then they have to share the duties or alternatively put their mum into care which would cost a lot mopre propbably then each could go their own way
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Why not get a carer outside of the family
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am having a difficult time following you question. Punctuation would help immensely. This does not sound like a good situation for Mom, figure out what is best for her and do it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

So who are you? Where do you fit in to this picture?

If you're concerned about the lady's welfare, call your local social services and ask them to come and assess her living situation. Three (untrained) men and a little old lady with dementia - it's certainly doesn't sound ideal.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

The going rate for a live in 24 hour day caregiver in the Philadelphia area is $9,000.00 a month. Room and board is free. Is this the compensation paid the brother? The going rate for an agency caregiver is $25.00 an hour, or $15.00 an hour under the table, minimum 6 hours a day. You get what you pay for. I am sure the brother is a bargain.

Reading between the lines, you resent the time taken from your boyfriend to care for his mother. Don't, encourage him to fully express his love by caring for Mom. Teach him the joy of intimacy, that one gets in caring more for another then himself. He will marry you, because you make him a better and happier person. If rather than complain about the burden, you shared the burden you would start to be marriage worthy. Good luck
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This is so sad. I can identify a little. I was care giver for my Mother for about 2 years. Untrained also. I remember my brothers coming over and telling me that i might want to 'dust' the tv ever so often, and they would walk around and look everything over, let me cook for them and never offered any help. They seemed to think that since i was here for her 24/7 & gave up my $1,000 a month job to do this, that i ws living here for free and should do everything. It's hard being obligated like that, with all the stress and trying to do it all right & going some days with almost hourly cleanup of the bed and cleaning up my Mother in her bed from 'accidents' & Much laundry. I remember somedays just sitting there sweating and sickened, and then another day, you might have walked in on me jst sitting there on the computer or watching something on tv, as it ws a good day for Mom, and i needed a break. So this is the other side of MY story. Something that all 3 brothers could do, is to write down needs of Mom. And also the one who is caregiver. Someone needs to give that guy a break. We finally got to the point that someone came and took care of Mom 1 day a wk for 8 hrs. I could make my dr appts and do the shopping and pick up RX and even go out to eat and get my mind off of everything. One day a wk isn't really enough, but it sure helped. If my brothers would have offered (both are retired), it could have saved Mom some money, and also let Mom realize that she ws loved by all of us. After making a list, if the 3 of them can sit down together and work it out, that would be great, but if it ws to end up with an argument, i would suggest having someone not connected w/the family be a 'moderator'. Good luck. My prayers are certainly with this family.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If mom is on a program that pays for in home help then she would have a case manager. The youngest that provides care for mom can speak with her/him, let her know he wants to be a paid caregiver for mom. Contact the area agency on aging, they have programs that may help, including caregiver support services.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sounds like the Mom, (and what ever funds are to provide for her care), need to be moved to a professional setting.

Sounds like the 3 grown men would be better off to create a little distance and do their own thing. Probably had good intentions to begin with, but then the novelty wore off and reality set in, if they are squabbling about who is supposed to be doing what.

I saw this same thing play out in a kid friendly neighborhood I lived in for 12 years. New family buys house, one perfectly little bathed well dressed always supervised 3 or 4 year old, maybe an infant or one on the way, stay at home Mom. Modest furnishings, average cars. Fast forward 3 or 4 years down the road, fancy stuff showing up on delivery trucks, a new SUV or 2. Mom's at work all night, Dad is always on the back deck eating something out of a fast food sack playing with an electronic toy. The 3 or so kids are dirty, unfed and begging from the neighbors, missing pants and or shoes, 6 blocks away with traffic dodging them. Then the "For Sale" sign hits the front yard right before one or the other moves out, ... Caregiving of any dependent living thing is a lot of work, not something someone can continually do "in between" other things, or just when ever they are able. It really is a full time job or more, without nights and weekends off to recharge.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

GladImhere: Not everyone who writes on this site has the capability to spell correctly.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

No amount of money can buy you peace of mind. I too am a caregiver for a mother who is bitter and angry. It is not easy and when you lose the peace in your own home its not good. It is easy for others to come by and look and see what you are not doing or what you should be doing and sometimes one break is not enough. Shifts would be even better because I feel that if tyou can come around and assesss the care thast you can come and help-. It may start off great being a caregiver but over time and without your own life being able to work and have a life like the other siblings....take shifts if you feel like your brother or sister is not doing enough and do it over time. Some are stronger than others Dont judge atleast the caregiver tried. Now let someone else try!!. They donot pay you enough to lose your life! No one can really talk unless they have taken care of a parent and a difficult one at that.l I belive in trying, thats why I did. I was hoping to make a difference and sometimes it just doesnt work or is not appreciated . My mother always treated me different anyways but again atleast i tried and I definitely dont see any one else offering to try..lol..They would rather see her in a nursing home!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter