My granmom refuses to use the bathroom or use a diaper. How to get her to wear a diaper?

If it were me, I would check her in to a nursing home ASAP. It definitely sounds like dementia or Alzheimer's. You cannot possibly take care of her,.any longer. The most loving thing you can do for her, and yourself, is check her into NH. Best wishes on this transition. Don't try to be a super hero. Just because you get her into NH does not mean, you love her less. You love her more, if you get her appropriate care.

ana345raghavan, what are your Grandmother's medical issues? Does she have memory problems, or is she just being stubborn?

My parents are in their 90's, and my Dad wouldn't wear Depends... finally my Mom got tired of cleaning up his messes so now she is making him clean up his own mishaps... guess what?.... Dad now is wearing Depends.

But if your Grandmother has memory issues and cannot understand why one needs to use a toilet and hates wearing a Depends, it is time for a higher level of care in a nursing home.

Please, do not refer to the disposable underwear as a "DIAPER". That is demeaning to anyone over the physical age of 2. You should refer to them however she has all her life. Either briefs or panties or underwear, or whatever the terminology is that she has always used. Believe me, you would not react well if someone told you to wear diapers.

You don't say in your profile, but is sounds as though your grandmother is suffering from dementia. You can't reason with dementia and you really can't train them either. If you are rude to her, and it might escalate from there, then perhaps it is time for you to make the decision not to be her caregiver anymore. Either let someone else be responsible, or place her in a home where they have equipment and trained personnel to deal with situations as you have described. This could go on for many, many years, and will not improve. People do not get well from dementia.

Do as much reading as you can find and ask as many questions as you come up with. We are all learning as we go along this pathway with our loved ones.

I apologize for continuing that term's usage in this discussion. You are totally correct that we should not refer to it in that manner.

Here at home, I would never use that term, and Mom and I call them "pads" as she uses the Tena pads.

Sorry, that's my rant for today. Thank you for being nice, geo123. You could've just told me to go jump in the lake. I just hate to hear that term used with adults.

I wish I had something more helpful to suggest, but how about a bedside commode? It sounds like she loses it on her way to the bathroom. You can put it there at night and take it away in the morning if she has a problem with it.

I don't know goe123, it sounds like training a puppy LOL. I think it is a basic instinct ingrained in us all since we were potty trained to use a toilet, so much so that often elders in nursing homes cry when they reach the point of needing diapers permanently. If grandmom is soiling her room purposely then she has definitely gone off the rails cognitively. Discuss it with her doctors, perhaps there are meds that will help her. If not then I agree that it is time to seek out a higher level of care.

I don't know that it's possible to force her. My grandmother, when forced to wear a diaper and it was really secured on her would sometimes go to the back yard, reach in, and pull the stuffing out by the handfuls and throw it over the fence. Or, at night, would do the same but throw it onto the wall-to-wall carpeting that was under her bed.

When you say that she relives herself in her room, do you mean in a commode, or do you mean she just goes on the bed or in the corner or something like that? If it’s in a commode, I don’t know if you’re going to do any better than that.

But if you mean somewhere undesirable, like the bed or floor, I have several of those mattress pads that wick moisture away but protect the mattress. If Mom has an accident, I change it along with the sheets. Of course, that means laundry and doesn't solve the problem of the wet behind. Getting someone with a wet behind to change their clothes and wash their behind isn’t that easy, either, so it doesn’t solve the entire problem.

I purchased incontinence pads that you can put on furniture, but the washable ones, not the disposables that they sell at the drug stores. When Mom is especially having problems, I put those on top of the mattress pad because they’re easier to take off and wash than the entire mattress pad.

If it’s the floor, I’m trying to think how you could put these pads around so that she’s using them instead of right on the floor, but not sure if there’s a way to secure them.

txcamper, I'm fine. I was going along with the lingo of the discussion just to be a little lazy about it, but we do have to be careful how we present things.

If it's hot by you, you can still jump in the lake, but it's still too cold, here. I had a glass of wine to chill-out, though. :-)

Thankyou so much for all your suggestions and understanding !!
This has helped to take the pressure of and helped me think...I realized I needed to divert her attention to other things after she wears one...and she has always liked playing board games and simple puzzles..so I got her a few...and she now is busy playing them !!
@txcamper- I agree and understand your concern abt the usage of the term diaper,I probably should not hv used it in a public forum...But I also should hv mentioned earlier that I am from India, here it just is a technical term.
And most definitely not meant to be demeaning to my Grandmother or anyone else.