My mom is hungry but she can’t seem to open her mouth to eat. How can I get her to open her mouth to eat or drink?

Oh, this is very, very sad. My heart goes out to you. What does Hospice advise? They have seen this situations many times.

If she is in the final stage, on Hospice, she is dying. That is a hard reality to accept, I imagine. Getting her to eat might prolong her living, but it will not improve her quality of life and won't prevent her from dying in the near future. I understand that at the end many people stop wanting to eat and may refuse to open their mouths to accept food. Since your mom has dementia it is hard to know whether that is what she is doing, or if she wants to eat and just doesn't know how to accomplish that.

Again, what does Hospice say? Hugs to you as you face this incredibly difficult journey to the end.

J,
Jeanne and Ladee are aware, caring ladies, friends around you here. Try not to think, just get in touch on spiritual level and have a talk. You relax, give Mom your blessing to go when she needs to. These are the mysteries of life, which someday we will understand. You are a loving, devoted daughter. Don't fight anything, my friend. Big Hugs, Christina

I just recently went thru this with Ruth. Have Hospice explain to you what is going on. They gave us a pamphlet to read that explains what the body starts going thru at this time . It helped me so much and explained in a way I could understand... Ruth's body was taking care of itself, just as God intended.. giving them food or water when they are refusing can cause them to aspirate,and that is very very painful for them.. As jeanne says please ask Hospice what to do if anything.. I know this is very very difficult to stand by and watch... but please also get them to explain the pros and cons of a feeding tube.... If she is unable to speak, how do you know she is hungry?? I kept having to explain this to the family... please get Hospice to fill you in... my heart goes out to you, it is difficult, hugs to you...

There is no way you are giving up on her by allowing things to follow the course they are destined to follow.. you are a very loving daughter and she KNOWS that... and sometimes we just don't know what keeps them hanging on. Isn't God's time yet? She is waiting to hear something, maybe permission to go on? Her light isn't done shining yet? I wish we did know, it would be easier for everyone involved.. but never doubt that with our permission or not, when the time comes, there will nothing we can do to stop it.. I recently had a very good friend (on this sight) remind me that I had done everything I could possibly do and that I would not want Ruth back here suffering any more.. She also had last stage Alz. I really do know what you are feeling right now, and Ruth was not my Mom, but I know now she is happy, she is whole, she is with loved ones that passed before her.. No, there is nothing easy about any of it... be kind to yourself, your mom would want you to accept that, she loves you as you love her, and when that time came for Ruth, I just sat by her bed, and talked and talked and talked.. about any and everything.. I think she knew that was for me... but I patted on her, gave her lots of kisses, there was nothing else I could do but love her till the end... You are in my thoughts and prayers... hugs to you..

I contacted moms hospice and asked about any type of artifical nutrition that Hospice will cover. Unfortunately, thats a touchy question for them. Thats prolonging life when hospice is about end of life. The situation would be different maybe if mom just refused to eat, but all day she whimpers and keeeps saying "hun" meaning she is hungery. Which in turn I sit and cry. My husband came up with an idea about an 2hrs ago: Put a straw in baby food jar, I suck up some food in straw, place straw in her mouth wherever I can get in fully and I will slowly blow the food in straw into her mouth. Well, we tried it and it worked I managed to get a whole jar in her. Its a long slow process, but the look on her face was priceless. She is now resting comfortably. So I guess for time being that will work.
Luvmom, this stage of moms dementia came on practically overnight. 5 weeks ago mom was still walking(with assistance) eating semi solid food(with assistance) and eating soft cookies all by herself holding the cookie to her mouth. She went into hospital, 3 days later she was a different person. THAT FAST!!!! My husband and I has watched her progression go in about 3 month or so intervals, will slow decline. This was so fast, that 5weeks later we still can't comprehend what happened. And as the days go by now the worse she gets.
Hospice likes their Morphine but I told them up front ONLY as needed I will give it to her. Mom is Opiod tolerant so she requires more than normal dose of Morphine to comfort her. I don't want her sediated but comfortable.
My husband has never been emotionally attached to my mom. But now, I see all this is even affecting him emotionally. He is worrying himself about how to get her to eat.
I am lost for words. ....
I feel for any caregiver who did or is going thru it.!!

I found a poem online which was like a aha moment for me and wanted to share with others:
"God Saw You Getting Tired"

God saw you getting tired,
When a cure was not to be.
So He wrapped his arms around you,
and whispered, "come to me."
You didn't deserve what you went through,
So He gave you rest.
God's garden must be beautiful,
He only takes the best
And when I saw you sleeping,
So peaceful and free from pain
I could not wish you back
To suffer that again.

- Frances and Kathleen Coelho

Yellow, that is an ingenious solution you came up with. It brings two devices to mind, that might be easier, since you feel that feeding your mother is appropriate. One is called a haberman feeder. I used something very like it to feed my infant with a cleft palate. Look it up with google -- you could order one and have it overnight shipped. Something else you might be able to find in the local grocery store is an inexpensive food decorating kit. The plastic tube that you fill with frosting and push a plunger to squirt it out onto the cake could hold baby food to be squirted into Mother's mouth.

May your efforts to give comfort be successful.

Jeeeesh Yellow - my spirit is soooo with you! Take care of yourself and I wish you, mom and your husband peace.

YF, first, how awesome that you figured something out.... what a loving daughter you are. You KNEW she was hungry... sometimes we have to go against things we are being told and follow our heart and gut... happy to hear she is resting better, super hugs to you...
The poem was beautiful. I am going to copy it if you don't mind... it spoke to me about Ruth... hugs to you...

This is breaking my heart reading. I am so glad you got food into her and that your husband is helping. My husband is so good to my Mom too and loves her. My Mom signed forms she doesnt want artificial means of nutrition years ago and I wonder what will happen if she wants to eat but cant now. I prefer she be sedated and not know what is going on if it comes to that point, Oh I feel for you, bless you and good luck, please keep us informed how you handle this to help us all and to support you as much as we can. Can I ask how long your Moms been with you and why she went into the hospital? Did she has anethesia? HUGS 2U