My stepfather has dementia and my mother is his ONLY caregiver. She has no money to place him in a home and she needs surgery herself but can't get it because there is nobody to care for him. It's a catch 22 situation and she is at her wits end.
And if your mom says "no, we make too much for that " please find a local eldercare attorney who understands Medicaid. It's complicated and you'll both need help understanding how to qualify dad.