Facilitating care for a friend.

Get her to the ER stat.
And...
Get her a new doctor.

Yes, Geaton, checking in every day.

Interesting note, I saw one of her favorite pianists at Carnegie Hall this week and she told me about how this woman's career had been sidelined for a couple of years due to illness. I googled her and found at that she'd had complications from pneumonia (!).

Friend replied "yikes".

Maybe it'll be the wakeup call she needs.

Would it help to call an ambulance? Here, if you do that, the patient is seen in the ER immediately.

I usually walk with my friend. Today, we sat in the park. She told me how she hung up on a mutual friend who was trying to tell her about someone who had pneumonia which morphed into something more serious (mutual friend is a geneticist; she's just gotten out of the cardiac ICU at NYU).

We are all trying help this woman see that the fact that she has two of these total fatigue episodes in 6 months might be indicative of something more systemic (like leukemia). But she is simply not listening/taking it in. Very sad

Thank you all for listening!

Yes, she is tech phobic. My DH usually gets her out of these problems, but he is sidelined right now doe to his own health issues.

I have had a LOT of experience recently with getting emergency appointments with docs. Maybe it's because my mom was a medical secretary; I called NYU and they told me there was a 5 month wait to see a urologist. I called back, got the screener/secretary and told her that my DH, with a HX of kidney stones was peeing blood. He was seen the next day.

Thanks for the realty check. I told her to go to the ER last week. She is worried she'd have to wait. OY!!

My first step, if I knew the daughter, would be to call her about this; you know them BOTH better than us. I would not mention ANY of the other health care issues; only this one. I would ask her if she knows Mom is down ill (don't share dx in case she hasn't) and would she want to visit, or know any close friend who might be able to do so.

My second step, if daughter says "Honestly Barb, this is on Mom. She has the same 911 number I do. If she feels she should go into emergency room then she should call EMS." Then I would call this friend and suggest she call EMS and go to the ER. Or let you check on how she feels daily. Ask her if she is eating and has ordered herself in some food.

I worry if she has no other friends closer than you are to tell she needs help, that at 77 she may be in a situations she cannot stay in? You know her better than us.

I would be very frightened, to tell the truth, to "step in here".
Today getting groceries in is as simple as going online, and if she needs more, I would not step into that Barb. I would suggest she calls EMS.
You honestly have enough on your plate.

I think I trust you. If you are comfortable intervening this one time, then do it. But if you believe you are likely setting yourself up for future trouble I think you know that as well, and I wouldn't do that.

If she goes by ambulance she won't have to wait in the ER. Now is the cost worth not waiting? That's up to her to decide. Is she sick enough to justify taking an ambulance? I think she might be since she has not been able to get up and out for a little over 2 weeks. She's now on antibiotics for 3 days - is she getting better, staying the same or worse? If she feels she is getting worse then call 911 to request an ambulance.

A bit of an update. Friend finished her antibiotics a week ago, still weak, wobbly, no stamina. Has a sort of pain/pressure in her "stomach" but when queried, says under her ribs in the center. Like the chest.

By contrast, another friend, several years older who just did two rounds of antibiotics for pneumonia and is up and coming to exercise class, it going for a chest CT to make sure her pneumonia has cleared.

When asked if she thinks she should do some follow up she says "oh, I don't think I need more antibiotics".

There are some things you can't fix.

If your friend isn't really accepting any advice (from a retired RN!) and doesn't see the benefit in having an advocate, then there really isn't much that can be done. If she has all her faculties, you can't want it more than she does. The most you can do is call her every day to see how she's doing and then based upon that conversation, tell her what you'd be doing if it were you. Maybe you're already doing this... bless you for trying to help her.

Obviously new doctor.
But if she is on antibiotics for 3 days only that means for 15 days she was in denial or neglecting her health.
She needs to take some responsibility, assuming she was unable to get up on day one or two, calling 911 would be prudent.