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You don't mean "authoritative". You mean "authoritarian". I.e., he pretends to know what he's doing

He's a jerk.

You have no obligation to do ANY tasks for your mother.
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Is there a house involved? Why not just sell it if no one is living in

POA means that he is your LOs representative. It does not give him the right to demand anything from you. If there is no money for LOs care, and LO needs 24/7 care, then he needs to place LO in a Long-term care facility with Medicaid paying for LOs care. Neither the POA or other children need to pay out of pocket for bills, ect.

As a POA he can pay someone to do tasks he can't do. Like paying a tax person to do LOs taxes.

What Elisny is talking about is Filial laws only 27 states have them. They are on the books from before Medicaid and Social Security. Basically, it made the children responsible to make sure parents received the basic necessities. Shelter, food, clothing and heat. They are rarely enforced with all the Social Services out there to help now. The childs financial ability is taken into consideration. Your brother has an option, if LO can no longer afford for care in an AL, LTC is the option with Medicaid paying.

I doubt authorities could do anything. They may consider it a family matter. And to hire a lawyer means its out of his pocket because it seems LO has no money.

Good idea to get the loan in writing. Have it notarized. Is he trying to get an equity loan using LOs house? Not sure if as a POA he can do that. The LO may have to sign off on that. I would think he has to guarantee the e loan will be paid off. There are payments involved. If LO does not have the money to do it then brother probably has to make payments. That maybe the hold up at the bank. I think I would call the bank and run it by a loan officer hypothetically. What if...
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dnajaras Sep 2023
in Massachusetts. He still has not finailized the Home Equity Loan fully for her home.
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Wow! Your brother sounds like quite the jerk.
No he can NOT force anyone to do anything. Period. Let him threaten all he wants to.
As POA it is HIS responsibility to make sure things get done and bills are taken care of. That is all on him not any of you or your siblings.
So let him bark his orders at you all he wants but remind him that all of this is now HIS responsibility not yours and if he can't handle it, then he may want to give up being your moms POA.
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No. Your brother cannot delegate anything to anyone who is unwilling to do it, and if he is delegating, he had better be very careful, and he is the one, as POA, who is obligated to act in the best interest of his parent if that parent is unable to act for him or herself. As Handel of the Law always says, tell him to "go pound sand".

There is a lot online about the powers and duties of a POA which is a fiduciary duty under the law. You should advise your brother to see an elder law attorney and tell him he clearly doesn't understand his duties and obligations under the law and needs an education. You can also tell him that he can, as POA, hire a fiduciary to help him sort out bill payments. Your parent's funds stand to pay their bills. When there is no longer funds to do this the fiduciary will have to file for financial aid and help for the parent. But the job is all his. And he's welcome to it. It's an onerous and difficult task, made more so by his serious lack of knowledge.
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I am not an attorney, but have has significant experience with POAs.

As POA he is authorized to act in lieu of your parent (assuming this is a parent we are talking about) as long as your parent delegates that task to him or your parent is unable to do an authorized task.

Your brother can only insist you do something you are legally obligated to do. Ask him what makes you legally obligated to do something. There ARE situations where children can be held liable to nursing home care - I would talk with an elder law attorney in your state (https://www.naela.org/).

As for the loan - it absolutely needs to be in writing and reviewed by your attorney. If it is against the value of the home, then a lien of some kind might be warranted along with the loan doc. But you definitely will want an attorney for such things.

Sibling situations can be tough. You are not alone by any means.
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dnajaras Sep 2023
Thanks I think this comes down to division in our family about my mother staying in her home with assisted home care paid from her estate or putting her in a nursing home (might be cheaper). My brother strongly wants her in a nursing home it appears due to safety issues though she has close to 24/7 care in the home. i am trying to get palliative care in there to help advocate for her at home as is one of my sisters. My mother worked super hard in life; if possible, she deserves to stay in her home and have her wishes respected. But if she appointed him POA, it may be out of my hands, I assume he choses where her money goes for care: nursing home or 24/7 care.

I aggree I should not offer to pay for anything without anything in writing. Sadly it may leave to my mother being admitted to a nursing home via my brother (not sure POA can do this). Thanks so much for your support.
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