I am trying to avoid getting involved in another's couple's situation but my husband only hears the husband's side of things and won't listen to any explanations I offer that might provide different info than he hears from the husband.
The husband says his wife doesn't want him back home (he had a fall and has not been able to walk since then, so he is in a wheelchair, can't do steps) and is placing him somewhere after the rehab center he has been in releases him next week. In addition to the fall, brain injury, and back injury, he was also diagnosed with MCI. (Just on the basis of that, I tend to hear his side of things through that filter.) They live in a very old farm house, very cluttered, and I don't know if there is a first floor bathroom.
I'm trying to tell my husband (who has Moderate Cognitive Impairment) that I don't think Medicaid is going to pay for a placement as long as his home is suitable (safe) for him to return to and it has nothing to do with his wife "hating" him. My dh (if you don't know anything from previous posts, very domineering) is ordering me to call the wife and demand an explanation for why she is throwing her husband out of his home. Of course, I am refusing. I don't think it is my place to get involved in their problems. And I'm not going to my husband's pawn.
Any way, am I correct in thinking that the wife just can't say "I don't want him home," and Medicaid is going to then pay for placement somewhere?
Yes, the wife can say she cannot care for her husband and ask for him to be placed. It can be because there is no bathroom on the first floor, it could be she can't afford outside help, it can be because she just cannot care for him physically. No one has to care for someone they don't want to care for. And from your description of this man's health needs, he may be better cared for in Long-term care.
You cannot argue with your husband. I agree, this is between the man and his wife. Tell your DH that its not for you or him to get involved in another couples marriage.
My suggestions are:
-Walk away when he starts demanding you to call. Or
-Tell him he can call the wife himself if he wants to. Or
-Tell him you called and the wife didn’t answer, so you left a message. Or
-Tell him you called and the wife threatened to call police on you and him for harassment.
Goodluck.
-Tell your husband that the wife agrees to keep her husband home if she has help. Since she can’t afford to pay, she wants to know how many days a week can your husband come over and help take care of her husband.
I would stay away from having any involvement in this conversation between guys with dementia.
I suspect your husband may be seeing the handwriting on the wall, no?
If discharge from rehab to home is deemed unsafe, then wife and discharge planners will work together to find a suitable placement.
In my state at least, only his assets and income count towards Medicaid. She is not required to spend her funds to place him in a facility. In fact, some of his income can be diverted to her if she needs it to maintain living in the community.
If you have any conversation with her, I'd make sure she's seen a qualified Elder Law attorney. And if she has, get the name.
Thank you so much for the update.