Doc wants to medicate ME!

If you are taking a blood pressure medicine, check it for side effects. One of them causes throat clearing or a small cough throughout the day. I don't remember the name of it, but it is a common side effect.

You could also have allergies now that you didn't have when younger. Try an over the counter allergy med (keep in mind that the ingredients in benedryl can cause drowsiness) if you are not ready to see an ENT yet. If that doesn't work, then why not go see the ENT to figure out what the problem is.

I would definitely figure out the source of the throat clearing before sedating myself with antianxiety meds. Of course, you might also think back on your conversation with the doctor. Perhaps you were sharing info that indicated an anxiety or stress, thus the offer for antianxiety drugs

I agree with you. Just don't take this anxiety medication. Lots of people clear their throat regularly...like 3 times a minute (rather than per day, like you)...at high rates it can be annoying to other people - as are lots of things; I know it is to me, and perhaps also to your husband...but it is within the wide range of normal health for humans. I wouldn't even see a doctor, and certainly would question a prescription for it. As far as the ENT referral, I wouldn't do that either.

I'm a bit confused by your thinking.

It's "just" stress, which you don't see the need to treat, and yet you are certain in your own mind that this "nothing" problem is causing your hoarseness.

So if stress can do that to your voice, what's it doing to your heart, respiration, brain, blood pressure, digestion..?

I happen to agree with you about not taking drugs you don't agree you need. But how about considering other ways to relieve the stress, sure as you are that it is now causing physical symptoms?

Bear in mind that although your doctor is happy to investigate, to advise, and to make recommendations, it is you who makes the decisions. Informed consent is the basis of all medical practice. So do not allow yourself to be deterred from seeking either this doctor's or the specialists' expertise by fear of being forced into treatment you don't fancy. It is *always* worth finding out what's going on.

Lol. Poor you Grammie! That would certainly send me round the bend. Is he aware that he does it? If he denies can you do an audio recording and prove it? On the other hand if he can’t help it that doesn’t solve the problem, like complaining about someone snoring. It sounds like it might be habitual for him. Stress can certainly make you hoarse. Vocal cords use muscles. If you’re tense they can be too. It’s a common problem. And I would certainly be tense. Clearing your throat a lot may be your subconscious reaction to something that annoys the crap out you. And that will irritate your throat too, but I would have thought it wouldn’t improve when you’re out of the house if that’s the case. Same with other factors like reflux, post nasal drip etc that can irritate the throat. So if it clears whenever you are out of the house...more likely to be tension.
Anti anxiety meds are not appropriate for plain old stress and tension. There are other ways to deal with it that don’t involve medication. If you are interested in finding out about your anxiety levels check out this questionnaire. https://patient.info/doctor/generalised-anxiety-disorder-assessment-gad-7. It is routinely used in the UK to assess levels of anxiety and the answer sometimes surprises people.
If it is tension but not anxiety then Speech and Language support might be helpful. You might mention that to the ENT if you go see them or research it on your own. Having a nasendoscopy should not be all that bad. Unpleasant but then you’ve had smears! Your husband must have had one that was pretty awful to make you so worried. You can ask for some light sedation for it to relax you.
Also something like cognitive behavioural therapy would be useful to help you find ways of dealing with living with someone like your hubby who is controlling and annoying.
Also I wonder about walking. It sounds like you might live in a nice place to walk and it’s a wonderful way to get exercise and stress relief. It would help get you more fit and may help with the weight loss as well.
Good luck!

Get a copy of the United Nations Declaration of Rights and Freedoms of the Individual Citizen and The United Nations Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights.

Get a copy of the Public Servants Questionnaire.

Take a camera with you ( you have a right to a witness ) and have him explain to you why he has a right to violate your rights under international law. If he refuses then inform him he will be up on charges of violating your international rights and a lawsuit.

I am not advising you to do this but it is what I do when encountering dictatorial government public servants ( those working for the government ) and they quickly want to get as far away from me as they can get while leaving me alone when they foolishly attempt to try to abuse my rights under international law.

I suggest you go with your gut instincts. I always do. You can also get a second opinion. I've had several procedures and even surgery suggested over the years which I felt were a waste of time and as it turned out I was right.

The doctor can not make you take an anti depressant. If you feel your doctor is not listening to you or will not work with you on better solutions to your situation, then find another doctor.

Good luck.

Seems rather odd that any doctor would want to prescribe medication prior to finding out what the actual issue might be. In other words, if they thought you might have and issue an ENT would be better able to care for, a good doctor would try to have that ruled out before even trying to give you the med you've indicated.
In any event, what is wrong with simply seeing an ENT? Who's to say that he/she wants to do an invasive procedure? Not all of them are, you know. Some simply involve you drinking something and then having a scan. Why not find out if you have a medical issue. If they decide to do something invasive and it bothers you that much, you can then refuse, but you could at least hear what they have to say. And, as some of the others have said, you are free to decline anything the doc suggests--she can not force you and shouldn't use threats either, but yes, they will put it on record that you refused their advice--and they will use the word refused. Not sure if they do this to cover themselves if you do fall ill, or to help the insurance companies turn down payment of future procedures required for anything that might develop because you didn't follow the advice given. You may want to ask yourself which is worse..taking a med that you may not need, or having procedures performed that for some reason you'd rather avoid. Perhaps you knew someone who had a procedure and did not fare well??? Maybe there is some deep rooted reason for not wanting that type of assistance that you need to sort out??? You might want to discuss that with someone as well. I haven't read the profile but there seem to be personality clashes going on between you and hubby that counseling might help with (but from what I did read, looks like he doesn't want to go that route). Hope things work out for you.

Honestly, I'd see the ENT then look for another GP for yourself. Prescribing meds right off the bat isn't the sign of an engaged phys. Stress can manifest itself in a myriad of ways, so an ENT's diagnosis would be the most telling if it is indeed stress or some sort of infection. You also need to take your husband to see his GP about his behavior. He's becoming compulsive and is a major source of stress. He might need some meds to help calm him down. His actions might be a sign of his internal stress and the inability to cope with them.

Not reading other answers first...but here's my 4 cents: Guess what: YOU are the one in charge and don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Now there's a possibility I suppose that your MD may know more than the rest of us and MAYBE her suggestion makes sense. BUT maybe not. IMO meds are not going to help change your circumstances and clearly it's going to add to your burden if you are opposed. So you need to find some other options to deal with the stress which may include some respite time to look forward to by getting some help in house to relieve you.

Are you taking any other meds for ANYthing? Some have that side effect of making someone cough/clear their throat. It could be just a stress related habit. It sounds like your MD MAY be too quick to pass you off and is looking for a quick fix. Maybe what you need is to look for a new MD for yourself.

There's also something here that smells: on the one hand she's saying it is a psychological/stress issue and prescribing a drug going down that path...and then she gives you this threat that if you refuse, you get a referral going along the lines that it is physically based. So many of our health systems these days are trolling for business....you have to wonder...and be an advocate for yourself.

And if you stay put...even if you do opt to go to an ENT YOU can say NO to testing and just go for a consult/look and find out what your options are, if YOU want to pursue them.

Good luck with whatever you decide...

The best vitamin is get out and away more,

I am sorry to hear of your distress. I, too, really hate taking any medications unless it is absolutely necessary. That being said, when faced with certain issues, I do take the necessary medications to solve the problem. In this case, however, it would seem that the situation is long term and beginning a long term commitment to an anti-anxiety drug is something that I would also tend to reject.

I do think, though, that the real issue in your marriage has been a long time in the making. Have you always been subservient to your controlling husband? It would be very difficult for both of you to change that pattern, even if you were both trying to change. Clearly he is not. If your husband has dementia he will not get better. You need to accept the fact that if you are going to continue to care for him you need to become the head of household. You also need to begin taking care of yourself. That is a tall order. You are right that you do need some support in making such big changes.

You mention that your son is now living with you. What is his role in the household? Can you make him your ally in caring for his father? Perhaps he could spend a few hours with his father while you read and have a cup of tea or some other relaxing ritual. Given that he is living in your house it is reasonable to expect him to help out.

At any rate, there are a lot of changes in the relationship with your husband that will have to happen in the next few years. If he has always been in control and you have always let him control you, this will be a rough experience. I would suggest that you begin with just 1 thing that you feel safe to claim as your right and take a stand on it. Keep it small, but make it yours and stick to your guns. If you do not, you will be overwhelmed and the situation will literally drive you crazy. Again, if you can get your son to back you on this, it will help. However, you are the one who is ultimately responsible for yourself. You may want to refuse to answer his demands that you account for every minute of your time. You do not owe him an explanation of why you spent 2 hours shopping for groceries instead of the usual 90 minutes. Simply tell him that "things took longer." Refuse to go beyond that. You also do not owe him an explanation for going into another room, beyond "I had things to do."

I have been in your shoes as a wife of a domineering man. I understand when he wont let you read or not focus on him. Know that he has issues and is wrong and you are justified to be upset.
I agree with others- get the physical throat checked out.
As a teen i had a dr who tried to medicate "my feelings" when i had stress with an abusive mother. - i hear that is a big issue for women. Change doctors if possible, see a nurse practitioner instead ,call around for support service's suggestions.
He demeans and belittles you for staying out to late at grocery- Has he hit you ? If it is verbal abuse only , i found that after 32 years i told him firmly- I am sick of the disrespect. A head of the house is not a master of a slave. I will provide meals and laundry but i will take 3 hours a day for myself. Say it firmly. Be a broken record and just say that over and over ,dont try to justify it.
Get back to that Bible study- you need the support and prayers.
(my spouse had a ogre dad and a "do it all for him" wife so he thought that was the way it should be- how was your husband raised to act this way?)
Prays for you. Know that you have been a gem to care for a unappreciative man.

Don’t completely rule out your doctor’s recommendation. Some types of antidepressants are used to treat non psychological conditions. I was prescribed an older type of antidepressant for a chronic dry cough. The drug works by affecting neurotransmitters and break the cycle of the cough. I took it; weened off in a short time. It worked. In the past, I was prescribed an antidepressant for chronic migraine. Because the drug works on serotonin levels, it was suppose to have an effect on the migraine cycle. It didn’t work for me.

I have found that a Dr. can put in his report a patient's refusal. I don't want medication either. I accepted the script, had it filled and reported next appt. it did not work for me.

Have you allowed yourself to be this controlled your entire marriage? If so, you truly need counseling. Being married does not mean you belong to someone or gives them the right to make decisions for you. No spouse or doctor has the right to do that. You gave him the right by allowing it and now due to his dementia his controlling is getting worse. If you do not seek help in learning how to deal with him and take back your life...I am afraid this will just continue and your stress will increase. Please help yourself.

I totally understand your frustration. But yes you do need something for Anxiety. Let me explain. I dealt with Mother for 9 years as a caregiver. It was not only exhausting, but my level of anxiety was ---- THROUGH THE ROOF!.

Please don't feel bad, you are human. My doctor finally just handed me some business cards and said "choose one and go talk with them." Changed my life! I was not ill, I was not crazy, I was just feeling alone and lost. I found a wonderful therapist, who has helped me through the caregiver and now the grieving process. Yes, I talked about everything that entered my mind and she only guided me to my own recovering process.

A therapist is a place you can go that is safe to let out ALL you feelings. And I am sure, like me, there are some that are not a nice as we would like them to be. But that is also OK. We are human. A therapist is a third, Non-judgmental, safe place, person to work through all that is causing our frustration and emotional upheveal. For me it has been and source of validation for all that I have done.

Look for a behavioral therapist that deals mostly with the elderly or people who deal with caregiving. Good luck. God Bless. You are awesome to take on being a caregiver. Do some things that make you feel good -- soaking bath - buy yourself a new blouse, or just find time for a quiet cup of coffee at a coffee shop. A little bit of "me" time. It also helps.

Doctors can not force you to take medication. You have rights. You do not have to go to appointments set up for you either.
Only you can determine if the the amount of stress is overwhelming or not. Same goes for your husband.
There are many ways to deal with stress that are natural.
Get enough rest, exercise daily, eat healthy and take lots of breaks. I get a massage monthly and have a massage chair. My husband and I go on dates once per week.
If trying to handle the stress naturally and without medication does not work, then, consider a doctor visit. But again, you always have the freedom to say no.

sounds like your husband need to see a doctor. constant stress is not healthy, you need an outlet. Put time aside for yourself. A nice bath with relaxing music and candles. Yoga is another stress releaser. Going for a nice walk every day, take your husband with you. Whatever you do find personal time. Reading the Good Book also helps. My wife and I put time aside every day. We also have a date night once a week. It's important to have OUR time.

Please visit the ENT. Hoarseness can be sign of other problems - something as mild as dehydration or gastric reflux to something more serious as throat cancer. Let the professional do his/her work and get the right treatment so you can have less worry and a great quality of life.

i have had a similar problem. Went to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. They recommended “behavioral therapy,” which, simplified, amounts to learning to take a “hard swallow” Instead of clearing your throat, or coughing.

It works too! No drugs.

All doctors want to do is put you on a DRUG, instead of finding out the "cause" of the symptom. That's what keeps them in business, and allows them to buy that mansion, and go on their luxury cruises. Sorry...but I was on drugs for many, many years; and all they did was mess up my mind worse!! You DO NOT have to do anything you DO NOT want to do. Listen to your "own" intuition, and "hear" what it's telling you. Good luck my friend!!

Dear GG, I know I'm late to the 'party' but your situation is so similar to mine, I am compelled to chime in. I was a long distance caregiver to my father from 2017 to 2019, until he and my mother died within 3 months of each other last summer. My husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's and dementia 4 years ago. The worse his dementia becomes, the more he tries to control ME. He has three grown sons in the area who are in total denial and offer me no help or respite. I started gaining weight and developed a lot of phlegm in my throat that was very difficult to clear. Stress and lack of sleep can most definately manifest in many physical ways. Turns out, my constant throat clearing was a result of acid reflux......directly related to stress. I started going for short daily walks and take 10 mg. of Lexapro daily. I also started reading again, which has been on the back burner for way too long. I go sit outside (I also live in PA) with my book and stay there no matter how many times my husband interupts me. It provides a means of mental escape. I'm gradually becoming better equiped to cope with, what I anticipate to be, a long caregiver role. You MUST take care of yourself. My advice is to go see the ENT doc and try the Lexapro. You won't feel 'drugged'......it just helps take the edge off to give you some breathing room. I hope that sharing my experience helps......sending blessings and prayers your way!

You don't HAVE to take this medication, you can't be forced. I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Sounds like you just need time away from looking after your husband. Can you look in to rest bite care for your husband? Please keep in touch and let you us know how things go.

I am in agreement that seeing an ENT would be your wisest option. If everything is clear..great you can give us all an "I told ya so" post!
There are lots of things that you can do to relieve stress that do not include medication but PLEASE do not completely rule that out. You take something if you get a headache, backache you like most of us are on at least 1 or 2 other medications. There is nothing "wrong or shameful" about taking a medication for your stress.
You have been on this forum long enough to know that many times a caregiver will die before the person they are caring for. Part of that is not taking care of themselves! that includes visiting a doctor, submitting to testing and possibly medication. May also include talking to a therapist about the stress and how you are coping day to day.
Your cue might also be from friends..I am guessing when you talk to them and you are on the phone you are at home with your husband there, in your stressful environment and when they see you in person you are out, not at home and I would imagine not in such a stressful place. Home= stress= hoarseness

Intrusive meds should be the last resort. Sounds like a knee-jerk reaction by your doctor. An ENT visit might not be a bad idea but you always have the final say on treatment.

It would not hurt for you to see an ENT. There are many reasons for throat clearing and hoarseness from allergies to polyps. Make sure you are well. I agree about not starting with medication. Have you ever tried a chamomile tea? Its lovely for taking an edge off your high stress level. I am dealing with a similar situation that I know is stress but was sent to a gastrointestinal doctor for some screening tests. I am going ahead to make sure I am well otherwise.

I contacted my PCP and he said see a therapist before he would prescribe. I was on anti-depressants for years through caregiving for my husband. It was necessary and helpful. Since his death, I weaned off of them. But since moving in with my parents to caregive, it seems I am having anxiety more than depression. I start seeing the therapist soon.

i would recommend counseling/therapy...AND...

Go see the ENT. If clear, either take the PCP’s recommendation or get a second opinion. Sometimes our bodies need help!!

If you are clearing your throat so much it is causing hoarseness; your stress related habit is causing damaged to the soft tissue in the throat. Such damage if left untreated can lead to more serious throat problems - like cancer.

Stress is the underlying cause of many health problems.

You need to be sure that Your throat is not damage - seeing an ENT is a start

You can get a herbal tea called Tension Tamer. It helps a lot. I use two teabags and let it seep long enough to get all you can out of those two bags. Check to make sure it doesn't interfere with any meds you might take. Drink it 2-3 times a day and also a good B multi-vitamin helps with stress. However, having said all that I know many family caregivers that take a low dosage of medication to help them with the stress. Your body chemistry changes when under stress. Don't feel bad either way you go. There is a calming app which I use it is around $45 for a year. The market has any calming dvd/cd as well. Any reason you can't go see a ENT doctor to rule out a sinus problem etc.? You are not alone -

ENT is a good idea to start. GERD causes me to clear my throat and it can also cause hoarseness. The ENT can rule out other causes before you start anti-anxiety medication. But of luck to you!!