Does anyone else balance dealing with a parents clinginess and their memory loss?

60 years old is very young, and I'm sorry about your situation. Generally speaking, the younger it hits people, the faster the decline. You mother is NOT being "clingly" as you put it, but is frightened. Early onset means she knows she is losing her memory, and it's very frightening. Eventually this fear will go away as she deteriorates. Ultimately you will end up having to put her in a nursing home--since as you say, you cannot have her live with you; if she is on Medicaid this is no problem. Getting her on Medicaid IS a problem if she has assets, because they take it all, and anything to do with the government is involved. In my opinion, if she has been diagnosed with the disease, she already should *NOT* be living alone, and may be doing foolish things with what she has. She is also vulnerable to con artists. She WILL eventually wander and start walking and walking...until she collapses, or get hurt. I hate to sound this way but that's the way it is. YOU or SOMEONE ELSE MUST LIVE WITH HER -- OR get her in an assisted living facility. This will eventually turn into a nursing home. There is no other choice.

I found from experience and wish I would have known before some of the things below to help my care receiver maintain some semblance of independence (even if it was just in their mind) while I attempted to maintain some semblance of having my own life while not feeling guilty and also knowing she was being made as safe and comfortable as possible.
I made a checklists to follow for the care of my care-receiver and put it in a folder. It ended up being not only a good resource to ensure I did not forget something...but for home health care workers to follow. I wish I would have known to do pretty much the following for someone as they cognitively decline:
1) Have the care receiver continue to do as much as they can on their own with support from family and a visiting caregiver. Do they like to go to the local senior center? Take them after they cannot drive anymore. Line up their meals and label with large print. Put signs around to help them navigate in their house,etc,
2) Once the senior center begins to let you know your loved one has declined too much for the concern of safety there, look to Adult Day Care during the day and in home care during portions of the evening and weekends. Focus on having someone present to assist for meal prep and during the meals.
3) Start looking and touring residential facilities to care for your loved one once she is no longer safe to be at home.When she is moved into one, you will continue to be very involved with her care and the issues of the continual cognitive decline.
During the above steps, you will also be lining up the legal and financial aspects...as well as continue to team and gain more and more members for what I called "team grandma". It truly takes a village.

First, you're in a twist about something that hasn't yet happened. You're not tracking her meds...you're not cooking for her...tracking her appointments. You aren't being suffocated by her clinginess. You don't even live in the same country. You're worried about what-ifs.

You need a plan. If you get the makings of a plan together, you'll get more comfortable. Here's a place to start. If you don't have a healthcare and durable power of attorney for your mom, get them. If you don't know your mom's financial situation...how much money she had...where she has it...what benefits she may be entitled to...etc., etc., find out. Take an inventory. Is she eligible got social security disability? If so, make arrangements for her to apply.

I'm one of those people who believes that an adult child needs to step up. That's life.if you are an only child, that responsibility falls firmly on your shoulders. UNLESS your relationship with your mom is soooo toxic that you're better off living ad if she were dead. That's me. Others feel differently.

Yet. That DOESN'T mean you move in with her and vow to care or her for the rest of her life. In today's world, that could be the next 25 years. I've assumed she lives in The States. There are provisions for people in her condition. No one wants to see a beloved parent have to avail themselves of these, but sometimes there is no other choice.

I wish you well. And hope your oh-so young 60-year-old mom has an angel or two on her shoulder.

Whoever cetude is gave you very sound advice. I live with my Mother and while she is not as clingy as yours it is very very difficult to keep my sanity and a balanced life while caring for her. Please do not give up your life and go live with her. You WILL lose your life and you may never get it back. And you will not really be helping her. I agree that getting her on Medicaid and into an assisted living facility or a nursing home is the best solution. Please do not sacrifice your life.

speak with a doctor or someone knowledgable in this field and find out what you can do now to make things a little easier, but in time you should find a GOOD Elder attorney to handle assets she has to protect them and to help you thru the process of getting Medicaid for your mom. Good luck.

I would like to point out once you get her in a nursing home - visit often. Or have someone visit often. Nursing homes are not great - the workers don't love your mom--they are just doing their job. She will also be vulnerable to NEGLECT and ABUSE. The only way to combat this is very very very frequent visits and include INSPECTION of skin for breakdown or unusual marks. If you visit often, the staff will treat her better because they KNOW you are watching them. If you have no family around where she is, get her in a facility near where you live so you can visit every single day. The stress does **NOT** end with a nursing home. Let me assure you of that.

I think it's important to be careful with the tough love, ordering around type of advice. How much good does it do if it alienates the original poster? No reply for five days. She is living with a deeply painful psychological situation - I know because I share aspects of it. OP if you are still around, I would advise to find a geriatric care manager even if you have to pay them out of your own pocket - you need professional buffers between you and your mother. Even for people with parents who were non-needy and independent during their healthy years, holding healthy boundaries is very hard once their needs skyrocket. Hard to know how to love them and not drown especially when you barely tread water during their healthy years. Please take care - you matter too.

The same thing is going on with my Dad. He is so clingy and domineering, it is hard for my stepmother and I to get anything done. His Dr. has him on anti anxiety meds and that is helping. He is also on an anti-depressant, which has helped his OCD. This is a scary time for him and we are helping him through it by getting the correct medications to help him feel safe and happy. At this point, that is all we can hope to do. With severe memory loss, the quality of life is severely impacted, so we must do our best. Good luck to you!

If it Mom can afford round the clock homecare than she probably can afford an AL facility. I think since ur out of the country, a care facility is it best bet. They will set up appointments and make sure she gets there. They have to keep you informed. See if someone near her will stop in to check on her for u. Then visit when u are able.

You must think this thru. Your young and need to think of your future. These years are your earning years. Good jobs are hard to get as you get older. Your Mom will only get worse and end up in a facility anyway. I agree, check out SSD. If a widow, she can get SS at 60. SSD will give her Medicare.

So far we must be lucky, the aids caring for our father in a NH are very nice, they love to chat with him (when they can),even though they may be far fetched stories. My mother visits about every other day at different times, I visit as often as I can, sometimes thats only 2 or 3 times a week but I have never seen any abuse (not saying that it doesn't happen in some homes). So we are very fortunate. But yes, making things easy for your loved one until they can no longer care for themselves is good, and also for you. But even signs at some point may not even make sense to them or understand them.