We are planning to attempt to move my mother into our home. My fear is that if I, as the caregiver become too sleep deprived I will not be able to care for her well during the day. She has been in assisted living for the last 3 years having 3 shifts a day care for her needs.
She already wears depends and is used to calling for help to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. She is frail and a fall risk so she cannot go alone. I have considered buying a portable handicap toilet for next to her bed. Overnight care givers seem expensive for just one trip to the bathroom but I have difficulty going back to sleep once I wake up.
Moving her in with you will be a lot of work and you may find that it is harder than you can imagine. I understand if it is what you need to do. A bedside commode would help, but if your mother is prone to fall, she may fall as easily going to the commode as going to the bathroom.
We have had many people in the group take care of their loved ones at home who were more frail. I hope that some of the people who know the technicalities of what you will be facing will join this discussion. They will have some good advice, I'm sure.
Those are the choices I see.
Why are you planning to bring her home at this time?
That's in a nutshell it, right?
Is it going to work? Well maybe but may have the same probability as me getting back into a size 4 rather than a size 14. As one who has lives abroad for periods of time, the adjustment of being back in the states is in & of itself a hurdle. Your body clock will be off for weeks. You mind will constantly be filtering change of language & culture (& perhaps some regret). Even if you've been living where US English is spoken everwhere. If you travel back & forth regular & have a homebase in each & fluently multilingual & multicultural, it's not quite the issue but will require adjustment nevertheless.
Then add onto this, taking on caregiving for a elder who is 6 years older & more frail than when you last were around her & that you know needs 3 shifts of caregivers presently. That you know has worn out your sister even with mom being in AL with 3 shifts of care. That somehow you being her 24/7 caregiver in your home is going to provide & make up for quality time you've missed with mom those last 6 years. Really is this at all realistic?
Please, please, please speak clearly with your husband on all this. If you all are moving back because he's retiring from a job abroad.....he is not going to be at all happy about coming back to the US to essentially become a unpaid caregiver & emptying a porta potty & having a needy elder 24/7 in the home. If you all lived in a country where all the expats have help, maids, drivers.....& he was used to having staff at work......well he is not going to be happy now having to do scut work no matter how much he likes his MIL. Please think about this.....Being sleep deprived coukd be the least of your problems.
My husband needed assistance any time he got up in the night. I was sleep deprived the entire ten years I cared for him. That was my choice. That was my soulmate. Could I have done that for my mother? Sorry, I don't think so. The nature of the relationship is just different.
To begin with, the sleep deprivation was so severe I knew it would not be safe to continue that way. He doctors came up with solutions to help him sleep through the night most nights. That made it possible. He still got up to go to the bathroom at least once, but that was manageable. I also had daytime help coming in the morning and more than once I stay in bed for a while after she came.
Good luck to you!
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