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Father (86) is in an expensive AL and has dementia, mostly alcohol induced.. The AL said he needs a sitter or must leave. Sitters are $25/hr. So sitter and AL is over $300K/year. I have tried other places, but they do not want him if he falls. He was warned he would become wheelchair bound if he would not exercise or do his PT. Hospice (care, not EOL) has told me homes are rated lower if they have a record of falls, that is probably why they will not take him now. At this rate my mother will have no money left for her life and eventual care in less than 2 years.
Does anyone have any ideas? I am at a loss, and mother (84) is a wreck. I hate to do it since he will feel bad, but I am going to speak to him today and let him know how he is ruining his wife's life with his insistence on getting up. Maybe if he has no falls for a month or two we will have a chance of placing him, but this is probably grasping at straws, especially if he does not comprehend totally.

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1. Consult a lawyer specializing in Elder Law to help avoid impoverishing your mother.

2. Restrict your search to Nursing Homes and Dementia Care places. Dad is no longer a suitable candidate for Assisted Living.

My mother's dementia keeps her from remembering she can't stand up, so she is a fall risk. Her nursing home has put a number of practices in place to help prevent that. No one has asked for "baby sitting" or talked about discharging her. You will find a place that will take Dad. Keep looking.
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This is confusing, I never heard of a nursing home not taking a patient because they are a fall risk. If that was the case all nursing homes would be empty because the elderly do tend to fall. Is this something new?
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See an attorney now to protect your mother. Elder law that is well versed in Medicaid planning! There are procedures in place that will protect your mother. Ask specifically about Medicaid impoverishment?

You father needs a nursing home and meds to keep him comfortable and safe? Safety of other residents is a major concern in assisted luving?
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glad- Hard to believe they do not want to take him in the nursing homes either so far. There is a large focus on falls now, so a nursing home or AL has their rating affected by the number of falls. As cliche as it sounds, most of the homes are owned by larger companies which are very concerned with how the ratings affect profits. So the decision to not take him is business related. So yes, where else can he go?

Jeanne - thanks. We are concentrating on those two search options. There is a real shortage of beds, but we will keep trying. You are the second person to mention the lawyer, I will set that up this week. I did not know about that one.
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Countrymouse - I agree, he should be in a memory care unit. In fact, he is in one now. But they will not let him stay because of the falls. And other units do not want him because of the falls. They do not want to deal with it and risk losing their facility rating. The hospice folks who first told me this are trying to help us place him now.
We are starting to wonder what they will do if we just stop the sitters.
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Agreed FF. What are we supposed to do if nursing homes start to refuse residents because of falls?! I know, we will have them all held up by marionette strings, install a track type system? LOL!
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glad - great idea. I had not suggested that one. freq - It is all very confusing to us too. He has always been a fall risk. When he was first admitted they put that on his room. The frequency went up when he had an infection. I still do not understand this. His other needs are really not a lot for a home resident. We always pay the bill and even launder his clothes. We called the state, but they were no help at all.
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Ender, he has dementia unlearning behavior and learning new ones most likely will not be possible. We would all like to be able to change our behaviors to make life easier, I do not think this is realistic in those with dementia, probably will cause more frustration and stress especially for the caregivers whether they are family or those working in the facility. I am sorry you are going through this.
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Yes, he needs a nursing home. He needs meds and help with all aspects of living. All of them except eating. He is not a danger to other residents, just to the rating of the facility, according to some of the health care workers.
Yes, contacting the lawyer is a good idea. We have his assets in a small trust for his grandchildren, but the only concern now is that there will be enough left for my mother.
We really just need to place him somewhere where he can be cared for without both of them becoming destitute in two years.
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I'm sure the trust is worded that it is for your parents care first? In fact, trusts are not safe from Medicaid recovery, it would have to be used for your parents first. If your parents names are on it, it is their money. If the trust was setup in the last five years, Medicaid would more than likely consider this fraud, an effort to hide assets.
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