My mother has to go into care and my father health is failing. I moved in with my parents to care for them in 2012 after losing my job as it seemed the logical thing to do. I have had no support from my sisters who are making life very difficult
It sounds to me as if you own a home, but can't afford the mortgage since you're unemployed. So you move in with your dad and rent out your house so you can pay mortgage and have money to spend on your food etc. Wouldn't it be better to sell your property, rent a smaller less expensive home and find a job? You have to think long term. Sooner or later your parent's asset (their home) will either be sold to pay their bills, or, if they don't own it, whatever fundd are paying their rent, will be directed towards tbeir nursing home. The problem is not how to get all 3 sisters involved taking care of your dad. The problem is you're not taking care of your own needs first. You must think long term, how to support yourself, and plan for your own senior years. It would be unfortunate if you had to sell your property but its more unfortunate if you don't get back to work and making an income.
Pam is right, you need to be taking good care of your dad, not just living there because you have no other place to stay. Adults have to work and pay their own way--if you need help achieving independence as adult, and didn't get that from high school and college, check your county social services for ways you can launch yourself into a new job. They may be able to provide housing alternatives etc. Your sisters are probably not "making life difficult" they are just being adults, in that your parents need their home & assets to be used only for their needs, not yours. Cut the apron strings. Get a job, find your own housing, you will feel better about your Self and will regain the respect of your sisters. And your parents most of all will benefit from finally being able to use their resources just for themselves.
I would like to hear cmagnum's questions answered. What kind of care have you been providing for your parents? What would they have done if you hadn't moved in?
What kind of care does your father need? Would he be able to live alone? Would he be a candidate for a care center, too?
If neither of them depend on your care, could you get a job and pay rent to stay in your parent's home? If Dad does need care, could the two of you draw up a care contract that states what you do and what Dad pays you (such as room and board)?
But to answer your question, if one of your sister's has Power of Attorney she may be able to evict you ... but probably not if your parents don't want that to happen.
Wringles, I am so sorry to hear of your dad's recent death. I take it that your mother is no longer in the care center but has moved back home?
Your mother is a wise woman not to engage with taking sides against certain of her children. You siblings need to work out your issues without asking mom to side with you against your sisters. I hope that eventually you will see the wisdom of her position and not consider yourself without a family.
Wringles, to quote someone who has been on this site longer than myself, it sounds like you got yourself painted into a corner. Didn't look to me like you had much of a choice. i hope your sisters will one day appreciate what you did for him. I'm sorry to hear about your dad's death. You can feel good about the good care that you provided him while you lived there. I wish you well in seeking to rebuild your life.
The original idea was that you move in and lend a hand until you found a job. That was a good plan while it lasted. I expect your sisters are becoming nervous because you show no sign of getting a job? They probably are worried that you're getting bogged down in the home situation and think that that could be bad news for both you and your parents.
The best thing to do would be to ask your sisters to come to your parents' home, sit down with them (and your father, if he's up to the discussion), and work out a plan for everybody from here. Your father, your mother and you all have needs, and I don't suppose your sisters couldn't care less what happens to you. It's a question of figuring out what is going to work best.
Why would you have to pay for your father's day care? Your father pays for his day care. If he can't afford it, call a social worker and ask what his options are - because you need to work and you can't take care of him.
I'm sorry your sisters seem so unsympathetic. But there's unsympathetic, and then there's unreasonable. Will they not even discuss your parents with you?
hi ciuntrymouse if only thinks were that simple sadly my father has not got the mental capacity to make dicission and yes you are right ,my sisters dont care what happens to me all they care about is that their lives carry on without any disruption god they wont even take our father to see our mother on a sunday afternoon so i can spend time with my granddaughter and yet my middle sister spends time with hers as they live next door to my father i have had the offer of a job but i cant take it as i would have to pay for my fathers care if i can placehim in a day centre again i would have to pay if i put him in a care home i would be homeless so what ever way i go iam stuffed
wringles, your situation does not sound good at all. Did you save up any money before you lost your job or are you flat broke?
I think that you need to take the job offer, tell your sisters that you need a certain amount of time to get on your feet and move out, but that for you to have the freedom to do this, they will need to help pay for your father's care even if it means using your parents' money to pay for it. I think more than worrying about seeing your granddaughter that you need to find some way to address your need for a job, your own housing and your dad getting cared for so that you can move out of there and restart your own life.
Who is paying for your mother to be in the nursing home?
Who does your parent's tax returns? Who is signing them?
Who is in control of your parents' finances? If your sisters have access to your parents's money, then how did they get it without a durable POA?
Without a POA for your parents, your sisters are likely going to run into a brick wall some day that they will only be able to get around by upsetting their lives and getting guardianship.
What kind of care does your father need? Would he be able to live alone? Would he be a candidate for a care center, too?
If neither of them depend on your care, could you get a job and pay rent to stay in your parent's home? If Dad does need care, could the two of you draw up a care contract that states what you do and what Dad pays you (such as room and board)?
But to answer your question, if one of your sister's has Power of Attorney she may be able to evict you ... but probably not if your parents don't want that to happen.
Your mother is a wise woman not to engage with taking sides against certain of her children. You siblings need to work out your issues without asking mom to side with you against your sisters. I hope that eventually you will see the wisdom of her position and not consider yourself without a family.
The best thing to do would be to ask your sisters to come to your parents' home, sit down with them (and your father, if he's up to the discussion), and work out a plan for everybody from here. Your father, your mother and you all have needs, and I don't suppose your sisters couldn't care less what happens to you. It's a question of figuring out what is going to work best.
I'm sorry your sisters seem so unsympathetic. But there's unsympathetic, and then there's unreasonable. Will they not even discuss your parents with you?
if only thinks were that simple sadly my father has not got the mental capacity to make dicission and yes you are right ,my sisters dont care what happens to me all they care about is that their lives carry on without any disruption god they wont even take our father to see our mother on a sunday afternoon so i can spend time with my granddaughter and yet my middle sister spends time with hers as they live next door to my father i have had the offer of a job but i cant take it as i would have to pay for my fathers care if i can placehim in a day centre again i would have to pay if i put him in a care home i would be homeless so what ever way i go iam stuffed
I think that you need to take the job offer, tell your sisters that you need a certain amount of time to get on your feet and move out, but that for you to have the freedom to do this, they will need to help pay for your father's care even if it means using your parents' money to pay for it. I think more than worrying about seeing your granddaughter that you need to find some way to address your need for a job, your own housing and your dad getting cared for so that you can move out of there and restart your own life.
Who is paying for your mother to be in the nursing home?
Who does your parent's tax returns? Who is signing them?
Who is in control of your parents' finances? If your sisters have access to your parents's money, then how did they get it without a durable POA?
Without a POA for your parents, your sisters are likely going to run into a brick wall some day that they will only be able to get around by upsetting their lives and getting guardianship.
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