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My mom went into hospice on Friday, myself, my 2 kids and husband flew into town Saturday morning. Kids and husband returned home Monday while I stayed with mom and family. My kids are having a hard time without me. Mom is very weak, unable to speak much and doesn’t have much time. I want to go home to my kids but guilt about leaving is unbearable. Compounded by guilt I’ve always felt for moving so far from her in the first place. My 2 brothers have wonderfully supportive families and live within 20 minutes and dad is primary caregiver. We are all grieving differently and I feel completely alone.



Currently we are all doing the caretaking 24/7 with a nurse visit every couple days. It’s exhausting to suddenly be in this position but I want nothing more than to help. I know if I leave it will be the last time and I feel so selfish and guilty about leaving her and them to care for her. But I’m starting to hopeless and under water and miss my family. My mom was my best friend and the only person who would know what to do. I’m lost.

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No one can know how much longer your Mom will be around, even in hospice. My MIL was put into hospice while battling covid in 2020 and was so sick we called up her 2 other sons to say goodbye to her. She was there for 4 weeks and then made a full recovery. I realize your Mom may not be able to recover from her situation, but are you willing to leave your own family if it goes on for weeks?
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If you want nothing more than to help, and since mom is your best friend, your decision should be clear, imo. There is no joy in watching a mother die, I can vouch for that. But there is no more important place to be right now, and missing your family isn't a valid reason to leave. I guarantee they'll be waiting for you whenever you get home. And there will be no guilt on your part for leaving moms side when she hasn't much time left.

Ask yourself how you want to feel about yourself after mom passes? Like you did everything you could for her, or you left because you felt hopeless, underwater and missed your kids?

This does not mean you have to be present when mom takes her last breath.....that is not necessary for you to "be there" for her during this final journey.

Congregate with your siblings and comfort one another right now. God bless you and give you the strength to do what you need to do.

Good luck to you.
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So difficult. I lived with my father as he was on hospice and that was trying and emotional in a different way. And I too felt I wasn’t doing enough and missed opportunities to make the most of the time before he was called Home. There just seems to be no way to avoid the pain of such a profound loss, whatever the individual circumstances.

Thinking of you.
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Either choice you make will leave you with feeling some "guilt"
And I really do dislike that word.
You can feel Grief, Fear, Uncertainty, Sorry, but you did noting to feel "guilty" about or for.
You will feel like you are abandoning your mom and dad if you leave, you feel like you are abandoning your husband and kids if you stay.
If you stay, it will not change the outcome with your mom, if you leave it will not change anything either.
You can be in contact with your dad and brothers for any change, you can contact the Hospice Nurse. (Many Hospice have an App that can keep you i n the loop as to what is going on and make it easy to ask questions. Find out if mom's Hospice has something like that.)
Quite often the Hospice Nurse can give you an idea when EOL (end of life) is near. You can get to mom in a matter of hours.

Your mom raised you, apparently she instilled great values in you. Would she want you to leave your family and sit with her for ......? who knows how long? Or would she want you to be with your family? You need their support and they need yours as well. What does your family want you to do. Big difference if you have kids that are 5 or 6 VS 19 or 20.

This is a difficult decision. The choice is yours. I can tell you that no matter what choice you make you will probably feel "guilty" so you need to let that thought go.
(If you were my daughter I would want you with your family not sitting at my bedside. )
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No. You are not lost. If your mother doesn't have long and if you want to be there stay.

Nothing is going to happen to your family back home if you stay until your mother goes to her reward God willing.

Your house isn't going to fall down to the ground. Your kids will be fine without you for a while. Their father will have to handle things at home for a bit that's all.

I'm assuming that you married an adult, grown man and not a child. So he can manage at home while you stay in town by your mother.

I'm very sorry for your mother and I hope she goes in peace, but for God's sake please stop complaining and acting like a martyr.

Are you really alone? I think not. You have a husband and a family. You have two brothers with their families who live nearby.
So pick up a phone and call one or both of your brothers. Now is the time for all of you to be together.

I'm sure your brothers and SIL's will not close their doors to you. You're their sister. Call your brothers and go see them. I think your mother would probably be happy if all her kids are together.

God bless and I hope all of you find comfort and support in each other in your time of grief.
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Your husband and kids will be fine. It is a good lesson your children are learning.
I believe you will greatly regret it if you do not stay with your mother. Your husband will handle home; it will be good for the kids to make the sacrifice.
Of course you miss them. But your mother is dying. On the scales the weight of missing home/Mom is dying? Not hard to figure out when she's been your best friend.
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Stick around till the end .
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