Being nice to my mom who’s 91 and her dementia is worse.
Hi this may be a not so good attempt at getting good advice on being told to be more nice to my Mom. I’ve been on Aging Care for a few years and I’ve been through more than I needed to. Caregiving for my Mom and not being compensated. She says she’s supporting me when I have a Social Security Disability Appeal Case pending for a year. I have a Lawyer since Nov of last year. I should be getting an answer in the mail in a month or 2. My Mom’s dementia is worse since she had Atrial Fibrillation over a month ago. In ICU for 4 days and got transferred to the South Tower of the Medical Center. She had a UTI and a Kidney Stone. Had surgery and it’s been 5 times since 2019. So I understand being put under makes her memory loss worse and it’s quite apparent. Repeating stuff over and over about if we’re in trouble. She’s more lonely than before and I like to be alone. Finally getting a independent Caregiver for $17 an hour and she’s 65 years old. Starting September 6th for a week or more. She has to have her or she’ll be in Memory Care. My Sister doesn’t want her there and I can’t afford a place of my own yet. I can’t really have a remote job at home because of my Mom. It’s not easy. Oh I got Caseworkers thanks to the Therapist I had through Sondermind. I told her that my Sister told me if our Mom dies I can’t rent an apartment because I don’t have income or enough credit. My Therapist thought of me being homeless and on the streets because of Caregiving. My Mom has hearing loss so she yells out my name Paul more than a few times from the living room and she can’t hear me from my room. No fair. So she’s getting hearing aids for about $300 and I hope she isn’t going to be stubborn and not use them. Dementia is a bad mental disease and has made her as stubborn and insecure as anyone I have ever known. Terrible and she likes to drink Martinis and Port Wine.
M has enough money to support you financially and to keep herself in martinis and port wine. I hope she is also paying for the new caregiver, and that the caregiver really helps. If they get on well, it should at least take some of the ‘needs companionship’ pressure off you and M as well. And it’s interesting to register that there ARE some ways for a 65 year old to get paid.
I hope that the caregiver’s presence can give you time to get out of the house and find other things to do. Most places have free activities for seniors, even if it’s just a reading group at the local library. If you need ‘pocket money’ to get out, perhaps you could decide on a time in the day when you will do just what the caregiver does, and M pays you $17 an hour as well. You would need to make it seem special, different from the current ‘being there all the time’.
You have been waiting a long time for your problems to get sorted out. It might help to see if you can use the time more happily, rather than just being in limbo. Perhaps the carer is something different that could make that possible.
Best wishes, Margaret.
Not sure what u can do about Mom. Seems you need her for financial reasons for now. Is 65 her age, if so young for Dementia but not uncommon. Why don't you find a 2 way baby monitor. Put one monitor near Mom and the other where you are. Then you can be nearby without actually being being in the same room.
I am caring for my mother Louise, who is 91 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, arthritis, depression, hearing loss, and mobility problems.
I can see that you are stressed out and maybe even depressed.
Caring for your mom is exhausting. I’m glad that you’re going to have help with your mom. I hope your mom’s new caregiver will work out well.
I’m sorry that you have health issues of your own. Good luck with getting your disability.