My “mom” is abusive. I’m not sure you can really call her my “mom”. She’s so cruel and jealous towards me. She made me suffer for years.
She has health issues. I helped. I’m extremely low contact with her. I speak with her caregivers, but sometimes she screams in the background. Insulting me. The caregivers try to keep a distance, knowing she’ll abuse me, but she can scream loud.
Do any of you hear your abuser’s words in your head? The conversation (or versions of it) (or what you could have said). It takes me days to get it out of my head.
But after many years of therapy, it's not the only 'voice in my head' and I don't acknowledge it.
Maybe some counseling could help you.
:)
Happy caregiving to everyone.
“I realized that I was giving my NParents NSupply in absentia, and they would be delighted to know I was thinking of them. So I stopped.”
For me, days…Right now in fact, her words are in my head, and I reply in all sorts of ways. You know, they never admit they’re wrong, so you keep re-playing the conversation, in order to reason with them in your head, but then it turns out that also in your head they never say, “Sorry, you were right.” Instead, you re-live lots of versions of the abusive conversation, but every ending continues to remain frustrating.
“I'm constantly arguing, it's like living in a house and we hate each other. One of us is an absolute bitch and I'm not sure which is me.”
“I am constantly having conversations with people who stress me out in my head. It’s a lot of arguing or explaining myself.”
It comes up now and again.
To forgive my mother, I adopted the phrase: "She did the best she could with who she was at the time".
Nah, she didn't.
So many years ago.
“I think of my mom’s abusive words constantly.. but now, as I’ve been recommended, I think of what I'd like to have done all those years she abused me...”
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