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I'm 24 and now live with my mom, 2 kids, brother and dad, but I'm the only one doing anything around here. I guess I just wanna vent, its so hard watching my mom be in constant pain but also having to do everything for her and everyone else in my house is driving me mad, I don't wanna cry in front of anyone because I'm the strong one. I was a drug addict and I left it all behind to do this because love is stronger thabn any addiction. Bit its emotionally destroying me. I just wish I had help.

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Even after you get clean, the depression can pursue you for months. That is why it is important to go to the AA or NA meetings each month. You will find out that you are not alone, get good support and a lifeline when you need one.
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I've been clean for 2 years , its more watching my mom suffer its making me sad
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Watching your kid get clean is a prayer answered, a dream come true. I am so happy for her to be able to see it happen. Know that you have made a difference, and maybe someday you can be a sponsor. Go to a meeting. Share that story, it may turn the page for someone else.
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Yes, you've given your mom the greatest gift by getting clean. Please start or continue with NA or AA meetings, though. Using their program can help you cope with nearly anything in life.

Your brothers must be old enough to help to some degree but if they haven't been trained to help it's probably going to be hard to make them. I wouldn't do things for them that they can do for themselves.

If your dad is healthy, he should also be helping. It sounds as if you are being taken advantage of since your are the "girl." Also, if you are living rent free, your dad may feel that you "owe" them.

Try to have a family meeting of some type to see if you can get them to understand that everyone pulling together will make it better for the whole family.

You may want to seek the help of a family counseling service for more support. Many are free or use a sliding scale.

Good luck, Brianna. You are strong. We all need the support of others. Please let us know how you are doing.
Carol
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Funny, I just had this conversation yesterday with a friend whose husband is sick and daughter has MS. She feels like she does everything--and she does. Me,too. My husband is sick and I do everything.

It is only natural that people only do what they must. But you are too young for this. Sit your family members down and let them know that work must be shared. Make a list--a real list of the true amount of work--it will surprise them! Then, ask for help in sharing the load.

And get out to meetings!!!!! You can't imagine how it will help. There are others in the rooms who are in your situation. Meet people; go for coffee! I go to a meeting every day! I am not in good shape if I start missing. Honestly!

Big hug!!!!!
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You need to see if you qualify for medicaid for your mom. If so then you can get some help of 15 hours a week with a caregiver who helps you with your mom. Showers and washing her clothes, cooking for her. This might take time for you to get approved. But look into it and see what benefits you can get for them. Plus your dad if he was military. There is a lot or help out there. You just have to look for it. Even church has people who help people out like you. Keep clean and stay focus because God see's everything your doing for everyone. Remember he gives us what he knows we can handle. This might just be a test for you. Good luck and God Bless. Don't cry. Buck up! Life is too short. You will feel good about everything you did years to come. Your young and healthy and you can do it. God Bless.
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Congratulations on your success....and helping your mom...now get some help for you, I agree, meetings, meetings. Talk with God. Keep in touch here. Linda
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IF your other family members are NOT sick and are NOT disabled, make them a list of things they can do (take out garbage, do laundry, run vaccum, etc) and you take care of the personal issues with your mom. You did good by getting clean, but don't let everyone else take advantage of you. You are NOT alone, sometimes in families, everyone seems to think that one person can do it all while they just sit by. have a family meeting. good luck
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from someone who is much older than you and takes care of both parents...i know that this situation will never change. those lazy asses have gotten use to your mother waiting on them hand and foot...are don't care that she's not well...they are not going to care if you are overwhelmed even if you tell them! try to get out of there....if you can!? good luck...
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Find out what makes you happy and start a hobby. It can be therapeutic - knitting, sewing, collecting, picture albums, bible verses, journal, diary, training family in caregiving, playing games, puzzles, etc.
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SO glad you have been successful at getting clean! Good on you! And a great gift to your family. But please understand, one rarely gets into drugs or substance abuse, unless there are triggers prodding them.
USUALLY, there is family dysfunction, too, which helps push that button.
OFTEN, the others who are doing nothing to help, learned how to be that way.
These need to be taught how to help, maybe in baby-steps, so it's not so hard, then slowly add a bit more they can do...otherwise, if it seems too hard, they give up too easy.
Family meetings are really a good thing sometimes.
Making a list of tasks that routinely need done, really helps. Can post that on the refrigerator, and, list who to help with what, when.

Trying to get family members who can, to help, even with small things like taking the trash out once a week, helps them learn to be better people, too.
Letting them know how thankful you are for their help in getting things done, is a good idea, too. People need to hear that their contributions are appreciated, especially during hard times; it helps cope.
And can make you feel a bit better, too, just for telling them.

And try to get some home-help, as well. Check with your local Area Agency on Aging, or Social Services. See what might be available to help in the home, towards getting tasks done, and lightening your load.

Please keep us posted, too, on your progress! We're all here because we've walked the caregiver path.
Sharing what works, helps others.
Meanwhile, keep it in your heart, that you have achieved much, and have much yet to achieve. Hold onto your dreams, and take some small steps to achieve those. You are on a great path. Learning to be proactive in your life helps you, and helps others. Keep up the good work!
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Yes they've been waited on hand and foot by my mom and they won't help I e asked, I actually pay 200 note in rent then my brother who is 23 ah I mean its nice to be able to spend all this time with my mom but I have no life, I'm tied to this house. I have no one to talk to about anything and its just been such a strain on me thanks yall
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More not note lol
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brianna24...i reread your post and you've been clean 2 yrs! that's really great, and i would suggest you go to meetings and share about what is going on in your life.. it feels like you're cleansing your soul when you do this....and stop being so strong! ask what you want from your family and CRY!!! i was sober and clean for 18 yrs...and i wouldn't have been able to stay sober and strong without those meetings!! there you will meet others like you and you will be able to have friends that understand....and hopefully learn how they got thru similar problems!! just airing your woes is SUCH A RELIEF...just like posting on this board but even better because it's shared with others!! It's a great start for you!
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Make a calendar-type list with chores assigned, post it on the fridge. Stop doing anything that the boys can do, such as laundry, dishes, trash and re-cycling out, vacuming, window washing, car wash, lawn mowing, watering outside, mop the floors-the list is endless.
If the assigned chores are undone, stop cooking for them. Just cook for Mom, then you and the kids,(only your kids) go out for McD's on the night that everything ends up undone and something is gonna happen. Maybe they will take Dad out for dinner? Uh oh, did you forget to write down two days a week when it is: "You're on your own night."????

There are so many in your household, it just happens that way when there is no leader. Hire a housekeeper also, everyone pays. You don't have to do it all yourself, but someone has to organize everyone else. Then rotate chores. Is there a technical person who can draw up a flow-chart? Everyone does make their own bed, right? Otherwise, kick them to the curb.
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You are way too young to be saddled with this responsibility. There are many of us who get no help from anyone else to care for someone else. We are the only ones who can change the situation. We need to do what is best for us. Take care of yourself. Move out as soon as possible. This will give you some room to breathe. Without you in the house see what happens. You can still help but not to the point of ruining your life. Enjoy your youth as it is precious. Hang in there. You are not alone.
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Brianna , I don't know you but I am so very proud of you. A wonderful daughter, sister...mom of two.. With a bright future ahead. Talk to the local agency on aging first... They can start you in the right direction and talk to the others with love on how you can pull together as a team. Get into a prayer group for support and the meetings are a great idea if you have child care . Maybe you can get a grant to do hairstyling and that is a career that you can do at home while your kids are growing. Nails, makeup, hair can be a woman owned business. There are grants for that . The aging agency or Dept of agency will help you get help at home . Show love to those involved. Arguments will not get results. I know.. Because I live it, myself but I'm much older carding for my parents that live with me . You are a diamond with a beautiful heart, Brianna... Step into God's grace and He will send help!!! Take a deep breath, get some exercise... Even if you do a class on TV or YouTube. Maybe your kids would like to join in if they're old enough. What the devil means for harm, our Lord will turn it to good. Attacks will come.. Arguments.. Stress, financial problems.. Depression, anxiety... Sickness but God says... Fear not!!!!
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I make the beds and all but I've said something and argued before because I'm so overwhelmed and my dad always says ,"somebody wants to be back on the streets", (I was homeless for 3 years before I moved in ) so I just keep doing it all, can't get a job right now because I've been out of work so long now, but I do pray a lot for strength and it gives me peace at times but sometimes I feel like it's too much, I can't do meetings because my dad gets mad when I leave. 😕
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Hope your dad learns to be supportive rather than critical of you. Keep up your help, and say a prayer or more to your Heavenly Father who loves you unconditionally. Life is difficult sometimes!
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brianna, the more you wrote, the more I understood. I have a feeling that the home environment is a toxic one for you. You may need to be there right now, but when someone says something aimed at your character, know that it is them and not you. That anger is not good for you, so just know that it is not you. It does sound to me that it would be good for you to get away from it as soon as you can. There are people there that can cover the things that need to be done and you can help find resources for your parents. Maybe a good place to start would be to call in a social worker to find out what resources are available.

And when your father says something like you're going back to the street, just answer him that no, you're going to start a good life for yourself, but you'll still be there to check in on them. My greatest worry for you is the loss of esteem and the anger that goes with living in a toxic environment will pull you back down to where you were. Don't let that happen. (It can happen. I used to smoke, but quit. Sometimes I get so angry that it makes me want to go buy cigarettes. I have to tell myself no, that I'm not going to let this hurt me like that. There are better ways to deal with the anger and hurt of a toxic environment. Hurting myself more seems not a good idea.)
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Brianna,

Explain to your dad how important the meetings are and get a sponsor. Call your sponsor every day. That will be a big help. And read the literature. Do you have a Big Book?

Remember to focus on gratitude!!!! Gratitude can really save the day.

Big hug!
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Brianna, your a good girl and I am proud of you. Try to think that when your father says anything negative to you its because he is sick and really is in a mental stage that doesn't even realize that he is hurting you. My mother is the same way with me and it breaks my heart. But I am older now and just know that my mother didn't have a good up bringing. Which is why your dad lashes out at you. He knows no better but what he has been raised with. I pray all goes well for you Brianna. I bet your a pretty young good looking women and in the future I hope you find your perfect prince to treat you right. Good Luck and God Bless
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Actually it's my mom who's sick, my dad's fine 😕
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you should tell your dad that you NEED to go to those special meetings, otherwise you might be back out on the street. I don't know where you live but maybe there is a homeless shelter that you could stay at for awhile until you get a job. sometimes they even help you get jobs so you can get stabilized. I wish you luck, and like someone else said, it sounds like a toxic environment which isn't good for anyone.
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I agree, you must take care of YOU first.
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dam...ex addict living in streets for 3 years...2 children! now...living at home with extremely abusive living conditions!!! wow...i'm at a loss for words!!! i hope you find your way out of the hell hole you're in...but it seems to me...that if you don't go to meetings...get out for that hour no matter what...or you just might lose your mind!! ugh keep us posted!!
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Sometimes i feel like im losing it, but i just cant bring myself to leave my mom, i would feel awful if something happened when i wasnt there ya know? Honestly just being able to talk to others like now is a weight sort of lifted from my shoulders. So thank you all for the advise and letting me vent to yall, ive got no life so almost no social interactions ☺
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We all have to uphold each other😊
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Actually, they should be giving you some slack on the rent because of your caregiving, and they are almost certainly underpaying/overcharging if you compared what you are doing to a paid caregiver. Maybe they are still punishing you for your addiction, and/or taking advantage of your lesser current prospect for employment, which is as wrong as it could be. No one should be 24 x 7 x 365 as a caregiver, paid or not. They need to build in some respite as well as allowing for your meetings that you need; they may treat you either like family or like hired help, but not like an infinitely abusable indentured servant or slave as they seem to be doing.
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I have compared my life to me being a slave and I pay them lol its very sad so laughing keeps me from crying
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