I have been taking Mom to get her hair done every Friday as that is what she is used to. It is really ridiculous because all they do is wash it and blow dry it and charge 45 bucks. I decided to save money I would try to wash her hair. She literally screamed at the top of her lungs and said I was trying to drown her, etc. The only person she will allow to wash her hair is the beauty parlor lady. I have tried numerous methods of washing it slowly in the sink or shower but she reacts the same. I asked her why she is doing this and she said she is afraid of not being able to breathe. I just wonder if something happened as a child to her. Her mother was an alcoholic and very abusive. Maybe she is going back to something that happened when she was younger? Any help is appreciated. Thanks.
I ordered, from Amazon, a little pitcher with a soft lip on it. It is made to wash children's hair. The soft lip goes along the forehead, making a seal so water doesn't get in the eyes. (Or shampoo). They do make them for grown-ups too, although they are a bit higher in price because they call them medical aids. Check them out, you can try them when she's in the tub...she might be easier to handle and it might stop her from feeling as if she might drown or can't breathe. Good luck and please try to let us know what works for you.
comes to mind is regular baths in a shallow pool or at the beach sitting in calm shallow water and very gradually advancing to waist height . Maybe even with a floating device (noodle or ring) . Much patience and slow pace is required . Simple tasks like pouring water from a bucket onto a plant or patio etc - non threatening water experiences - with no pushing or intense expectations of “successful outcomes”. Aiming calmly for “comfort with water”.
A couple suggestions: you could buy a cape that is like the ones at the hair salon that velcros around her neck and extends to the sink so any water you use for rinsing will travel into the sink instead of hitting the floor. Recline her back as far as she is comfortable and safe and wash her hair that way while talking or playing music to distract her. Have her hold a washcloth over her own face to keep the water off. Be very careful not to let the water run down her face. It’s a very real fear for her!
Another option would be to use dry shampoo sometimes which is something that wouldn’t require water to clean her hair. You can’t always do that, though. I imagine sometimes you’ll need an actual scrub with water. Best of luck! I know how hard that is!
Anyway, my point with all this is, after one saintly angel of an OT cut out her mat, she retrained her to do everything in the shower with assistance. She had a shower chair too. When she got to the memory care facility, she did fine with showers and followed directions. They have never said that she was refusing showers or was difficult to assist. Her dementia has passed all that over, and now this is her normal. So it is possible! Also, she would not allow it with me, but would with the therapists. With them it was fine. Maybe your mom needs a home health aide to just do the bathing once a week. It is a completely exasperating situation, but as the dementia progresses, what was once the horrible issue gets left in the dust for something else down the line.
You didn't mention whether she has dementia. Maybe there is a way to cut the cost and combine her trip to the salon with something else, like a mani/pedi or a nice lunch, so it could be her "day of beauty" or "mother/daughter day" celebration!
It is NOT a mother/daughter day weekly celebration. It is a weekly ordeal for the OP and an expense the mother cannot really afford and neither can the OP.
https://myscrubzz.com/products/shower-caps
Maybe try something like this product in-between salon visits to stretch your budget and she may decide she prefers it.
MedVance No Rinse Shampoo Cap | Rinse Free Shower Cap that Shampoos & Conditions | PH Balanced & Hypoallergenic Waterless Hair Wash | 3 Pack
If she likes going to the beauty parlor, then $45 is a small tradeoff to avoid the anxiety and fear.
You could ask the "Beauty Parlor Lady" if she would come to your home and do it for less. Tell her it is more difficult getting mom out.
But she may not be able to do this if it will cause a problem with the owner of the salon.
Or you can make your life easier and just continue to take mom to her beauty salon.
I thought you were in the process of getting your mother placed in a memory care. What's going on that it's been delayed?
In the salon, do they wash it in one of those sinks where she kind of lays back? Because that's how we as nurses used to wash hair. We used a bedpan (plastic ones CHEAP on Amazon), had the patient lay back with neck over front of pan where it indents, which was padded with wash clothe, used minimal suds and a water pitcher to rinse. So their faces were never near water. Other than that I would look on youtube "washing bedridden person's hair". Might be something, and would look on amazon for any great products they may have to help.
I hope that the leg condition/swelling was seen by a doctor. You were headed to one, then canceled? She should be seen for that.
Adding edit to say amazon does INDEED have nifty hair washing stuff out there. Look in their search for "hairwashing for bedridden. Lot's of good stuff and you can keep it under 30.00.