Although 100, my husband seems to be without dementia. But his sensory and mobility problems really interfere with his doing the things he used to like --reading, watching TV, socializing, creating mosaic paintings. Mainly he sleeps a lot of the day. I've talked to him about a senior day care program. He's not very interested, but has said he will give it a try after the holidays. He has never been a card player, can no longer play Scrabble. I dont think his eyesight would allow him to do jigsaw puzzles. Any suggestions would be appreciated. It is sad to see a very intelligent and well-educated man just sleep and vegetate all day.
My spirits have been lifted by so many ideas and possibilities.
Happy holiday and the best for the New Year to all of you and your families, and especially to the ones who drive us crazy ......
I would recommend:
* Ear phones with 'books on tape.' and/or news if he is interested in current events or Wildlife documentaries or the History channel.
Focus on other senses:
Tactile________________ Touch
* Massage:
- You could do gently and/or hire a certified massage therapist (as I am) to show you how to do that will be relaxing to him.
- You could try a mechanical massager that he can use himself or you could.
* Try play dough or something like that - he can make shapes or actual figures.
Smell - See if there is anything he can do using scent sense.
* Perhaps jars of spices for him to guess what they are.
- Then if he can ear w earphones, offer some history or origins of spices (cinnamin is very interesting).
Let me know what you decide to do / what work(ed)(s).
Gena / Touch Matters
You can also tap into his other senses, like smell and touch. You can play a game where you put fragrant things in paper bags and ask him to smell it and identify what it might be (spices, foods, pine, soap, grass, etc), or put things in bags and ask him to reach in and feel it to see if he can figure out what it is through touch.
I grew up with 2 Aunties, one who lived to almost 101 and the other is still with us at 104 (and no real dementia, either). God bless you for going the distance with your LO!
They liked a gap after each one to think, and perhaps a little discussion about it, or a few comments from me. I read the whole of the Sermon on the Mount and what we thought about it now. I brought up the comments on divorce, with which I disagreed, but said that in those days for people who weren’t wealthy, divorcing a woman usually condemned her to destitution or prostitution. I remember well a couple of the group reacting that it was really good to be treated for once as experienced adults! However including bits of old children's books as part of the mix, is NOT treating them as children!
Perhaps it would work if you (or someone else) could read a little, then leave a gap to let DH think and reminisce, then let him drop off to sleep for a while. If he has a good idea about the story and the words (especially with poetry), he could fill in the blanks if his hearing skips a bit. It could keep the past fresh for him, and keep his mind working at a pace he would enjoy. Worth a try?
Lots of love, Margaret
My mother lived to be 95. She slept about 20 hours daily the last 6 months of her life.
Also, audiobooks.
Also, talk. About his old memories, any big life moments, etc.
Looking at old photos is usually good, and if there are sight issues, try a big lighted magnifier. Those are useful for many things.
Can you borrow a pet once a week?
She has been here a few months and I noticed she sleeps a lot some days, but other days she is fine. Her eyesight is getting worse., her hearing is terrible (TV too loud), and she can’t stand very well and can’t be far from a bathroom.
She started crying the other day. She told me she felt left out. My husband and I have conversations while in the same room with her, but she can’t hear what we are saying, she can’t hear the TV all that well and closed caption isn’t all that easy to read. She does read books still, so she at least has that. We gave her complete control of the TV (we don’t watch it much anyway). She was depressed and telling us she didn’t care to do a lot of the things she used to, when she really did care, just doesn’t want to be a burden. You have to see through that.
I have an appointment for her to get retested and get new hearing aids, she loves to enter sweepstakes, so I set up a desk with all her sweepstakes stuff on it (she just got notification that she one $1000), she was an artist and oils were her medium. I am trying to get her interested in that, but we have an eye appointment set for her to get better/stronger glasses (her eye doctor said no change, but the TV is blurry and it’s harder to read. She needs a little more magnification).
My point here is you have to help them find themselves again. They tend to just give up . She is happier for these things.
I commend you for trying to find things for him to do. I hope you can get him interested in doing something again.
My first thought is books on tape or a kindle that has a voice feature. Maybe podcasts on an iPhone? If you can help with the technology, I think this might help. My dad is blind and I asked the nursing home he is in to provide one and he seems to really enjoy it.
I wish you the very best. It is hard to watch someone who is still able to engage, struggle. Just because your eyesight is failing does not mean that the idea of books should end.
2.He might like to go out on a wheel chair walk.
3.Do you have visiting therapy dogs?
4. Practice with a rythmn band.
5. String beads for the Christmas tree
6 Sharpen pencils
7. Snap beans for dinner
8. Husk corn for dinner
9 polish the silver ware
10. Outline his memoire book
11. Arrange flowers in a vase
12. Organize things in a drawer
Even if she told me a memory 100 times she likes to tell 101 times. I record some of these and post on FB. A lot of my mother's disengagement is tiredness --but also hard to engage in conversation when you cannot hear. But when asked to look at her old photos (which I compiled into a memory book so easier to se and access) and asked her to describe them --eg what was it like going to college during the war? Who made these Halloween costumes? --it makes her animated and gives her sense of value and contribution.
At that age just engaging in random social activities...I think feels rather pointless and tiring to many. Busy work is fine when you are younger but when very old I think the still on-the-ball ones know they are dying soon and wonder why they should want to play cards, Bingo etc.
But leaving a legacy of some kind is not pointless. Talking about the past can be fulfilling. Maybe ask a question, record it on your phone and post on Facebook for family and show him responses. (My mother cannot even do FB now so I do have to do it for her).
Your mom sounds like my 100 year old cousin. She talks about what she’s doing next year! LOL 😆 Plus, she still drives. She gets speeding tickets. Her kids have begged her to stop driving.
She cooks and cleans and helps the ‘old’ people in her senior apartment complex. Oh, she even wears heels and still dresses up with hair done and makeup on!
We call her the energizer bunny!
She too, slept all day, and I always suspected much of the reason was boredom. Sure enough, when she went to memory care, she stayed awake most of the day, because she was AROUND activities and other people even when she couldn't fully participate. She'd have rather stuck needles in her eyes than play bingo, but she did seem to enjoy being aroud others who were playing it.
For her, music therapy was where she really brightened up. They had endless sing-along sessions at her place, and she loved them. They cranked up the volume, and she could hear that well enough.
It's tough to find enough that's stimulating for a person who's home and not around others, but you might try playing music, books on tape with headphones, and just plain conversation.
The key is to mix things up each day, because I think a lot of what gets older people hung up is the incessant routine of their days.
Write his name on each of them if he’s in a nursing home. I have three different sets of EarPods that I keep charged and rotate easily. I keep them in a little mesh type zipper bag where everything stays together. The charge lasts about four hours, or so, but having more than one set will be very convenient.
I agree with you that your husband is far too intelligent to be left to sleep all day. Are there any senior activities available to him? It sounds like he may live at home, but how about doing some physical therapy with him while sitting in a chair? Chair yoga, perhaps? Something that you can easily do together, to bond, but that is very gentle on his body and yours too.
Bless you for taking such care for his mind. He needs mental stimulation which is so very helpful for an intelligent man. I would suggest gardening but I’m not sure that would be attainable. Can you move him outdoors to enjoy the breeze, or the cooler weather? Depending on your geographic location, of course.
I suggest chair yoga one last time. You can find videos on YouTube or buy a couple of dvds to have on hand, switching them out every now and again.
Good luck to you! Please let us know how your proposed activities work for both of you. 😉
Nix to outdoor things, as we live in the northeast, and he is ALWAYS cold. We keep the thermostat at 75 in both the summer and winter. We do have a patio and he does sit out there sometimes in the summer. But except for going to doctor appointments and for the occasional lunch at the diner, he is not interested in being outdoors.
Thanks again for your input...
I like the idea of the Audible books, but only if he can manage his technology himself. My dad cannot do that anymore.
My deceased mother was in her lockdown memory care. I brought her an old CD/radio player, and put a relaxing CD on repeat mode. She could no longer operate the buttons. Perhaps you can ask the NH staff to switch the CD out in his room once or twice, a day.
Will the NH allow a small sign on the door, perhaps, to remind them?
Or perhaps there are short story books on CD, as I know Audible may be too confusing to operate for him.
AZ Desertgirl
I will definitely follow up with the headphones and audio books after the holidays.
He's lived his life the way he wanted I'm sure, so let him now leave this life for the next in whatever way he sees fit. And if that's sleeping the better part of the day, so be it. You can turn on his favorite music(up loud if necessary)for him to listen to while he sleeps if you feel you must do something.
But please don't put your unrealistic expectations on him. Just let him be.
They also read articles from medical journals, magazines and newspapers.
Every once in awhile the author of the book will read it.
You could also do a search online for podcasts on topics that he is interested in.
Music is also wonderful entertainment and therapeutic as well. Some of our local musicians here in New Orleans visit hospitals and hospice facilities and play music.
Many people report that their pain and anxiety/depression eases when they listen to music.
Best wishes to you and your husband.
Sleeping a lot is the norm, and something my dad did in his 90s, and said he just longed to be allowed to sleep into the "long long nap". He was so ready to go and really needed very little in terms of entertainment or "doing". He liked to talk about his feelings, no depression, just longed to sleep a lot. Ate very little. Had had a good life and was "ready". Seemed boring to ME that high point of his day was Larry Kind Live, but HE was contented.
He is likely to need to sleep a lot at his age .