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My 82 year old father is declining quickly. Since my mother passed of Alzheimers 4 years ago he's been down and depressed and failed to take care of himself. He's lost a ton of weight, hardly eats, never leaves the house and sleeps most of the day. He has severe arthritis pain and neuropathy (non diabetic) in his legs and feet, so mobility is a big problem. I've got to do something for him, he's just fading away and gets worse every week.


I'd like to move him in with me, my husband and 3 teen sons. We have a big enough house to do so and the finances to do so. But dad has a small yappy dog and with COVID my husband and I and our boys are all working and doing school at home. We just don't want the dog and all the noise she makes while we're home all day! We don't mind Dad (well mostly don't mind) but the dog is a deal breaker. But it breaks Dad's heart to think of being without his dog. He's adamant about not wanting to be without her and would rather live on his own with the dog than live with us without the dog. He can barely stand up on his own he's gotten so weak. He's about in tears on the floor because of weakness and frailty, but will not budge.


Oh my goodness, what do I do with him? Advice anyone? (btw, I haven't been on this site in years, but when I was caring for my mother with Alzheimers this site was my LIFELINE!. I couldn't have made it through that time without the support from all of you I had during that time).

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Does your Dad have the assets to move into assisted living if he sells his home? His little dog could go with him. You already are not overly thrilled about his moving in; trust me, if that's the start point it will not end well. I am somewhat in Dad's corner and would rather be at risk and alone with my little dog, take my chances, than move in where not wholeheartedly welcomed and having to give up my companion. Just how I feel. My partner is 80 and I 78. All our lives together we have had dogs, volunteered with dogs, trained dogs, fostered dogs, and etc. We have not replaced our last little senior dog; don't want our families to have to deal with but one more thing--what to do with the dog. Happily our new tenant has a sweet little dog who is a constant visitor. I think try to find some other way to keep Dad safe.
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See if you can locate some dog obedience and training classes in the area.    That can usually help a dog acclimate and settle down, although some dogs with histories of abuse won't be likely to change and will continue to be frenetic.
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Dogs are wonderful companions. I had a yippy yappy schnauzer once. She barked at everything!

It is annoying. I did obedience classes when she was a puppy. Didn’t help. I paid a private trainer a fortune. Didn’t help.

My neighbor begged me to let him try. He was great with dogs but I was afraid that she would drive his family nuts! He saw working with her as a challenge. I didn’t let her stay with him for a week like he asked.

I found a collar that sprayed citronella when she barked. That helped. This was years ago. Check and see if they are still available. Google bark collar with citronella scent. The idea is to distract them while barking.

She was an escape artist. She got away. Went exploring. Someone brought her back and her collar was missing. I guess they didn’t know what it was and perhaps thought it was harming her. It wasn’t harmful.

I loved her. She was a gutsy little dog. She was very strong willed but sweet. She loved me. She was not nice to other dogs! Every time I picked her up from being groomed they said that she wanted to be the boss over the other dogs.

Dogs have their own personalities. Best wishes to you.
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Family pets are definitely challenging. I am caring for both my mother and grandmother in my home and now have two small dogs that are glued to my grandmother. They bark, bite and cannot do anything without her. I have had to potty train them and am accused of being mean (because we try and walk them for 10 minutes twice a day to help with the potty training). My grandmother says she would rather live on the street than be without her dogs and I just didn’t have the heart to take them from her when she moved in with us. I have no idea what I will do when she passes - I have no personal attachment to them. I just sucked it up and have been doing my best to train them. When people are older it seems that they get a lot of comfort from their pets.
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Can you put the dog in a cage while you are at work or see if you can give the dog something to keep him calm or wquiet without hurting the pet
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Hate to be a downer but as much as I understand your point of view.... I am with Dad on this one. Particularly as one ages and dear long time friends pass on and families disperse , pets become more than companions-- they become family to the aging person. I couldn't give up my minor and dependent children and that's how I feel about my dog. Yes, the dog is yappy and you have not bonded with him but that's not your Dad's feeling. He will probably go down hill really fast if he is separated from his dog.
You can try searching for a really well recommended dog trainer (remember the best trainer in the world is going to have a difficult task trying to retrain a habit that a dog has had for many years). Perhaps there is a local dog club where Dad and dog could spend a few hours a week (some senior citizen clubs offer these but of course, it could be on hold due to the pandemic). Daycare may work for the dog but it won't help Dad. BTW, crating a yappy dog generally doesn't work-- makes them even more yappy.

Sounds like moving Dad in with you is going to be fraught with disruptions for everyone involved. Not sure if your Dad qualifies for AL (they only offer limited assistance) or can afford it but a dog friendly senior housing environment might be an option that would be good for everyone involved at this time. Should Dad ever need custodial care which would necessitate a move to a LTC facility if home medical care is not an option, it would be very unusual for the dog to live with him in that environment. Wishing you good luck and success in your efforts. Hugs to you all (even the little yapper)!
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The "mostly don't mind" bit about moving him in is what you should be focusing on instead of the dog issue. If there is even the slightest fraction of a doubt, don't move him in. Who is going to care for him when you all return to work, or when you're working from home. His health issues will get worse, not better. Would likely be better to find an AL that allows dogs than move him in. Two birds with one stone and all.
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Why not look for a really good dog trainer? I have two yappy dogs who do understand the words, “no barking” , but don’t always heed them. It takes consistent trainers and I am sorry to say sometimes I am not. But when I do remind them when they bark and they know I mean it, they do stop. I treat them only when they stop barking and I thank them for being quiet.
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Okay - what about a dog daycare for the hours you are working? Unless the dog is very old and frail. I had a very active dog that needed to run and I would bring him to daycare when I worked. He would come home tired and happy. The daycare had five acres and a pool and other dogs to run around with. The daycare will also give lunch and medications if needed. If the dog doesn’t want to socialize then they would get one on one walks.

My dogs have been my best and most loving and loyal friends at times. So I’m a little biased! Even if your dad stays home or goes into a facility the dog will still need care and attention that he cannot give. Your dad has had a lot of loss, the dog is just one more loss he cannot manage right now.
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I’m 83, still doing relatively well, & have let my family know that the one thing I will NOT do without is my 2 small dogs. They are all I really have;I LIVE with them!
Take them away and just bring me the pill that ends it all. I’m quite serious. I are about them most of all!
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I hate yapping dogs too but at his age, its about the closeness. Sounds like he is closer to that animal than you all so taking that dog away could kill him in his fragile state. If u insist on him staying with u, get the dog a trainer, a sonar collar, or make some way for the dog to move in too. Otherwise, help him get a caregiver to help him in his own home or a NH that will allow him to keep the dog. Good luck.
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That would be so cruel to take his dog away.
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Dad and dog need to stay together. You said he is already depressed, losing his companion will only make that worse. If it won't work at your house, then I agree with finding him a place that will allow little yapper to be with him.

Is it possible this dog only becomes noisy when others are around but is quiet when it is only your dad? If dad can have his own private quarters and the dog won't be seeing anyone else throughout the day, then having dad with you might be doable.

My cousins had chihuahuas. They were the nastiest things when other people were around but quiet and devoted to their family when no one else was there.
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Let him keep his dog.
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To many of us "dog lovers", dogs are like family members. They are always glad to see us when we return home, even it doesn't matter if it's only been 10 minutes or 10 hours. They sense when we are down or just feel bad. Dogs never let us down, yes they can have accidents. They can get on our nerves when they bark but if dad says it's a deal breaker he means it.

I have had a dog or 3 most of the time since I was about 8 years old. My 17 Y/O son who is learning disabled has one of his 2 dogs at his side any time he can. His school (for learning disabled has 2 service dogs and allows kids with service dogs to bring them to school with them. I have told my son that when one of his current dogs passes we will get him a certified service dog.

To many of us dogs are an important part of life. They remind us how we should love and care for each other.
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Move him into independent living or assisted living where he can have a dog. Done and done.
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come on. Suck it up and take the dog. UNLESS--- the dog is totally obnoxious-then I get your point.
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It would be too cruel to take the dog away from him.
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Seriously? Let's dump a dog?

I think he should live on his own, with a dog. No offense, but with this attitude, he's finished in no time.
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Speaking from experience with my two elderly parents, one of which is 93 and still living with us, having a pet (especially their own) does a world of good with regard to maintaining mental health for an aging parent. Surely there is some way of coexisting and making an accommodation for the dog. We have five dogs in addition to my 93-y.o. Mom with dementia. My husband and I both work from home, and we have home health care workers coming in once a day Monday through Friday. I grew up with dogs in our home and was never without one. My Mom interacts with all of our dogs every day, as did my Dad when he was still with us. The nurses and HHC workers all remarked at the positive effects that dogs had on my parents, and they ask for us to not out the dogs away when they come to our house. Not everyone is an animal lover or appreciates or even likes animals, let alone making special accommodations for one. This is more an accommodation for your Dad and for his mental health and well-being. Try to think of it that way, and think of the joy and comfort it will bring him to have his dog with him in his final years. There is always training available if the dog's behaviors could use some refinement in order to have peace in your home. Believe me, it is entirely possible. To separate him from his dog would be a devastating loss for him to handle. Sometimes it is better for us to be selfless enough to make small sacrifices for our parents health and well-being. Where there's a will, there's a way!
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Talk to a veterinarian about medication to help the dog be more calm. It would be a shame to take away the one living thing that is helping your dad cope.
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If at all possible, how close does he live ? If he lives close enough, just go stay with him and realize it's temporary. If he's lost his wife, weight & has the neuropathy in the decline you described, where he is currently is the best place for him. What you described is where my father and Mom's dog was 5 years after Mom's passing. that neuropathy is an indicator of poor circulation, there might be a heart attack or stroke looming and he shouldn't be alone. I was Dad & dog's live-in caregiver, they both declined at the same time on me, they both knew it was time to join Mom. As bad as the last few months was, that time giving him the dignity to pass in his own home is something I was glad I was able to make happen.

The yappy dog may grow on you, there's a bonding process that anyone goes thru. Chloe was Mom's dog, Dad & I took care of her and thru the dog, Mom was still with us. I think the dog also got Dad much further than he would've gotten alone. If your father's house has the space, living there and he'll be thankful that you did that for him.

BTW, the Covid thing is a variable I didn't have, well, at least I think it wasn't a variable. Since they only had a test kit for it this year, my Dad may have gotten it when he went to the ICU ? I mean they didn't know for sure what got him to that stage for an ICU admission. It was bad enough knowing the flu could've given him the Pneumonia. And elderly, that's as lethal as Covid just the same. I think anyone that can live with him as close enough would e reducing a risk exposure to Covid vs an entire family & house that presents several risk exposures.
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Ooften times pets are family. I'm sure your dad cant endure another loss. Let him keep his dog! You'll kill him emotionally if you take his dog away. That would be cruel.
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Stop being selfish! Let him keep his dog. Take the dog and him in your home make it work! That is the only thing that brings him love! Let him live his last year's of life with what he LOVES! What are you teaching your family about love! That you can't endure a small dog and the joy it brings WOW how sad you are to be so selfish!!!! I am a psychologist and it tells me a lot about who you are and the love you lack in your heart! Just think years from now when your father and his little dog are gone you won't even remember what it may have caused you and a 100 years from now no one will even remember this whole incident except the selfishness you couldn't show a human being and an animal. So I guess you will keep perpetuating your selfish unkind unloving attitude to future generations in this world! Great way to teach your children about what really matters in life!
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my2cents Nov 2020
I'm having a very difficult time even wrapping my head around this post. They 'mostly' don't care if he moves in which says very loud and clear he's really not wanted there. And then to even suggest he can't have the dog. I can't help but wonder if the whole story really means: We do not want dad or the dog in our house, but I can't just say that. So I'll put this version of the story out there in the world just to say that I did offer. There were strings attached to the offer, but I offered and dad said no. I'll have no guilty feelings with they find him laying in the floor. -- Surely there is a name, a tag or something that explains this way of thinking. I just can't quit rereading the post to make sure I didn't misunderstand something! I wish I could hug the old man, grab him and the dog, and bring them home with me.
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if you move him in without his dog you will destroy his life. If you move him in with the dog you will destroy your life. So let him live on his own or go somewhere his dog is welcome as well. The dog is the least of the adjustments that will be needed.
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Imagine you had a serious health problem where you really needed to move in with someone. You have a minor child. They said, 'we sort of don't mind if you move in with us, but you can't bring the kid'.

That dog is his minor child and his immediate family in his current situation. If he already has depression issues over the loss of his wife, I cannot even begin to imagine what separation of the dog would do. Even the tone of your post is, well, odd to me.

I've reread this several times because I just can't believe it. My advice is NOT to move him in with you because this would be complete heart break for him and probably a quick decline to the grave. I cannot even begin to imagine how sad his life would be to live without his beloved pet in a house that 'mostly' doesn't mind he is there.

Get him help at his own home or find him an elderly facility type place that allows pets. Don't put him through another great loss.
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I should have thought that having three teenage boys in the house would be this dog's idea of heaven - to the extent that she might calm down, especially if they're prepared to do some fun training sessions with her. Are they not animal-oriented at all? How do they feel about the dog?
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He’s lost his wife, he’s already depressed, his health is declining, he has to leave his home. You’re right—it would definitely break his heart to have to give up his dog too. Our pets are our family and provide emotional support and companionship. I think he’s likely to decline even more and faster if you take her away from him.
It sounds like your problem with the dog is that she barks a lot. Maybe once she’s in your home with more people and activity, who can walk her and play with her, she will have more things to focus her energy on and have less reason to bark. At least she’ll be more tired, and that will keep her quieter too!
Maybe it’s because I am an animal lover—with a dog I would refuse to give up—but my mind just cannot accept that you hate animals so much that you’d abandon this one and make your father miserable just to not have her around.
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Mcooney1937 Nov 2020
Try BARKER BREAKER at most pet stores, also Amazon. Works for my dogs—they react as soon as I pick it up. They hate the noise. About $39. Good luck!
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Move your dad in n bring the dog with him. If you don’t bring the dog with it will kill him. That’s the only thing in life he has left.
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Sarah3 Nov 2020
I guess I wasn’t the only one who was saddened to read it was even a thought to begin with
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Dont move your Dad in with you, if he can't have his beloved furry companion!

It might make you feel better to have your Dad in your home do you can keep an eye on him but you would not be doing him any favors!

That furry friend of your Dad's, is probably the only thing giving him the Will to Live.

Put yourself in his shoes and think about what you're asking of him, to move out of his home and leave his loved one behind...unthinkable and just wrong.

If you won't take the dog along, don't take your Dad.

I know you already know this deep inside and pray you do the right thing.

You can always have a Caregiver drop by a couple hrs a day.

Also, stock his refrigerator and pantry with EASY stuff to eat.

Frozen things that you only have to heat in the microwave like Breakfast Biscuits with cheese, egg and meat. Waffles, Individual Instant Oatmeal packets, individual Yogurts, individual Applesauce.

Buy frozen meals to heat in microwave so he doesn't have to cook on stoves.

Soups, Chili, ect

Buy plenty of Soft Breakfast Bars and Little Debbie Snacks like Mini Brownies ect check for the ones with the most protein..
Cheese Crackers, Peanut Butter Crackers.

Keep plenty of Milk to drink and only buy the half gal if milk so it isn't so heavy.

Plenty of juice to drink individual or Quart size to make it easier to handle.

Just Think Easy as if it is a child fixing his food.

If it's not easy to fix, he won't eat.

Again....Please Don't separate your Dad from his friend and companion. You would be signing his death warrant and you would never forgive yourself.

Your Dad has already made known to you his wishes.

Let him live the rest of his life in peace, his peace not yours.
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