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She has no memory except immediate, recent activity and family. When she does something strange and I ask about it, she has no idea what I'm talking about! I think she wants/expects me to do things that will entertain or occupy her, but we go for a ride and 15 minutes later she wants to come home. We visit in-laws next door and in 10 minutes she is ready to go home. If someone comes to visit, she is nervous and anxious while they are here. She is up on her rollator constantly back and forth through the house. She goes through cabinets, moves things around, loses things and always her answer is that she didn't do it or she doesn't know what I'm talking about! I have fidget tools and she ignores them. Anyone else been able to resolve this tendency or do anything to occupy someone who doesn't recognize they have the problem and doesn't want help?

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This is very common behavior in dementia. It is basically shadowing you and being bored and needy all the time. There is really no way to change it and no way to "deal with it" because you are not dealing with a rational mind that can be dealt with any more. There is only one certain way out of it and that is placement for the person so that the spouse who still is able to function and have a real life has some time to do so. There can then be supportive visits, loving and caring and taking your loved one on outings. This won't change, and it is quite likely to become worse and worse. There is often an inability to even sleep or to sleep enough hours or the proper hours in the day for sleep.
Discuss things with the doctor, and make the decisions you must for your own life. It is very sad, but we lose those we love in this manner; they are no longer able to have the life they had nor to regain who they were. They do have a life, but it is not bearing any resemblance to who they were.
I am really sorry. You are not alone.
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OldArkie, it's not that your wife doesn't want help, it's that her brain is broken and she doesn't know what she's doing or not doing.
She will NEVER recognize that she has a problem because she can't. Her brain is beyond repair. It sounds like you still may be in a bit of denial when it comes to your wife, as you seem to be expecting more from her than she can give.
It's heartbreaking, I know. But this is now your reality, and your wife will never be able to be in your world any more. Instead you must meet her where she's at in hers.
Your wife may benefit from going to an adult daycare center as they do a wonderful job with folks with dementia. You can take her 1-5 days a week and for up to 8 hours, which can include breakfast, lunch and a snack. Where I live I believe the cost is about $60/day, and they also have special accommodations for those who can't afford it.
And keep in mind that it may just get to be too much for you to keep her home with you as much as you'd like to be able to.
It will come to the point where you will have to not only do what is best for your wife and her safety, but also what is best for you.
Best wishes.
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Funky Grandma and AlvaDeer... Thanks so much to you both. I know you are both correct and I know from other's experience what is inevitable. It is just so hard... to admit it! We still have daily activities, we get up in the morning and we have coffee and breakfast and then we stumble through the day, sometimes going to town to pick up groceries or chicken feed or other incidentals. I can leave her alone for an hour or so pretty safely, up to now, but I fear we are nearing the turning point. Her comprehension is nearly gone; her memory is fading fast, and I know the time is drawing nigh! But, even considering all you both have said and all that I know, I feel I must wait till I decide the time has come. I think I will know. I live in a fairly small town, 13,000, and we have some caregiving agencies but few, and no daycare or very little adult support. Area Agency on Aging say they are unable to employ enough workers to handle the demand and we are 70 miles from a bigger city, so my options are limited. If both our physical health stays well, we will get along for as long as we need.
Thanks again to you both!
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Funky Grandma and Alva Deer... Thanks so much to you both. I know you are both correct and I know from other's experience what is inevitable. It is just so hard... to admit it! We still have daily activities, we get up in the morning and we have coffee and breakfast and then we stumble through the day, sometimes going to town to pick up groceries or chicken feed or other incidentals. I can leave her alone for an hour or so pretty safely, up to now, but I fear we are nearing the turning point. Her comprehension is nearly gone; her memory is fading fast, and I know the time is drawing nigh! But, even considering all you both have said and all that I know, I feel I must wait till I decide the time has come. I think I will know. I live in a fairly small town, 13,000, and we have some caregiving agencies but few, and no daycare or very little adult support. Area Agency on Aging say they are unable to employ enough workers to handle the demand and we are 70 miles from a bigger city, so my options are limited. If both our physical health stays well, we will get along for as long as we need.
Thanks again to you both!
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