Follow
Share

I am the caregiver to my 87 year old spouse who has dementia, OCD, is Narcissistic and angry. He is in debt with the IRS, garnishment/levy and a large amount of outstanding credit card debt. Nothing but hell living here. Stress off the chain. I am dealing with a life threatening illness and some days I just cry all day. I had left him back in 2017, out of pity I came back to help because his 8 children don’t even call. I don’t know what to do anymore. Just walking out seems to be my only option. Due to Covid 19 I cannot get any help for him or me. Does anyone have any suggestions or could recommend me to a support group that meets during this time?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
You need to consult your local Aging and Disabilities Resource Center. A phone call can get you started finding not only him but you some help. Many programs are income dependent. You said you left him. Did you divorce? Finances can be tricky to sort out to qualify for help if you are still sharing your banking. Your illness may also qualify for you for help.

Last but not least you should call a domestic violence hotline. I can only imagine the emotional abuse you are experiencing.

You are right, you should leave especially for your own health. You need to take care of you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You can only do so much -- but you are not stuck in this situation. If you are still married or share accounts I'd consult with an elder law/estate planning attorney just to help you sort through the entanglement (if there is any). It will be worth the cost. At the same time you can contact social services for your county to get him on their radar and discuss your situation, see what they offer up. If you aren't married and you live in his house...that's your legal residence but once he's out, not sure what your state mandates about that (he'll surely be a Medicaid recipient with the county as his legal guardian, so they'll have control all over his medical and financial assets and management). Also contact your local area's Agency on Aging to see what resources they may know of. I wish you better health and peace in your heart!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

As you are navigating these turnbulent waters--I might suggest that you pack a large suitcase with as much stuff as you can--and move into a long term hotel situation. And only tell people you absolutely trust where you are.

Get some legal help to disentangle your finances with those of your husband's. You don't want to go down with that ship!

Even a small low income apartment would be preferable to living with such stress. I find I can be happy in a tiny apartment or a large house as long as my personal relationships are in good shape.

Do call a domestic hotline. They may have many ideas about how to care for yourself.

COVID is an annoyance, abssolutely, but it has not shut down the entire country. You can get help. Please take care of you!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

And I bet you did not divorce him. Hopefully all his debts are in his name. I guess when u say "his children" they r not yours.

Do you have anyone you can stay with temporarily? You were doing it on your own before him, you can do it again. Leave, then call APS and tell them there is a vulnerable adult that needs immediate attn. Tell them you can no longer live with him because you personally need care. You have not been able to get him or you any help.

I would bet once you get away from this stress your health will improve. A hotel room better than living with him. Get that divorce if you haven't.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter