Many posters have found offers of help annoying when nothing happens. Perhaps part of the problem is that the carer isn’t asking immediately in a way that works.
It may be hard to think of something on the spot, but how about ‘Could you phone me this evening for us to talk about something you might be able to do?’ If they don’t phone, your worst thoughts are justified, but if they do phone, WHAT CAN YOU ASK FOR? What is reasonable, in view of their own lives? What is best ‘bang for buck’ for you?
Sharing some good ideas about this might help a lot of us.
I used to give the person some cash and ask her when she's at the store to go ahead and pick up some items - or drop off something to my spouse at the snf. I felt this was a bit on the sneaky side, but it's a way of getting someone else to visit briefly when I was not there. I gave this job to a couple of his men friends too. Otherwise people are really afraid to visit these facilities.
PS wow, Alva posted while I was swallowing my coffee!
I really applaud your ability to give so much of yourself for your entire life.