Yelling grandfather. Any advice?

Your father is an adult. He needs to be responsible for arranging and paying for his care. If you wish to assist him in arranging for his care, that's a lovingvthing to do. You are under no obligation to uproot yourself to do hands on caregiving. He's not your child.

Sounds like assisted living time. I wouldn't try to move him somewhere that he is there by himself. Also try to get him screened for dementia.

Find him a place of his own. Move him in. I wouldn't, in the interim, move him to your house because it'll just mean double trouble - you're all of you going to have a hard enough time without going through the whole hideous exercise twice. Apart from his attitude, are there other difficulties with finding him somewhere better to live?

A private room at Assisted Living will be a lot more peaceful than a house full of noisy kids. Take him for a tour and the free lunch. Tell him it's not for now, but in the future when he feels it is time. He might even like it. He might even be willing to try it for a month.

Someone in your family needs to speak to him about the way he talks to the children. Just because he lives in the house with them, it doesn't mean he can verbally abuse them. It is where they live, too. Be brave, and pull him up on his behaviour. He might start realising he needs to behave himself. Assisted living in not the answer if he won't go, but correcting his behaviour is.

I can tell you first hand, your sister is probably going nuts. I live next door to mother in law that has vascular dementia late stages. I do not live with her but I do everything. Cook clean change her if she uses the bathroom on herself and my kids (8,5,1) are around the in laws a lot. My FIL does not have the patience to deal with her and she yells and lashes out aate for taking her to the bathroom in her own home. She fusses when we feed her if we talk to her if we don't talk to her (we don't know what she says 90% of the time). Its very stressful to me that my kids have to see this. FIL does not want her in a home or any one coming into his. If her anger keeps up I'm not sure what I will do. I don't want my kids around it because one day she will lash out at them. She does not know names and will ask for family members that have passed. My MIL is 65 and just walks around. I feel for your sister with the kids because its an added pressure on top of your dad. Hugs for you all!

Freqflyer, you are right. I drove from the coast to Portland to Mount Hood yesterday to take him to a higher altitude to see how he did so he can go home to his house in Arizona and he did okay, didn't use oxygen so that's the new plan. I had to tell him I already have plans for the holidays because I assumed he was staying here with my sister in Oregon but now he's changing all my plans and I told him it's going to stay the same I already made plans and he just doesn't hear me. My sister and I agreed we're just going to let him go live on his own until something happens where it forces his hand and he realizes that someone has to help him or he needs to be in assisted living. Thanks so much for listening and advising

terrygma, see if your Dad would be agreeable with independent living apartment, where he can be his own boss.... but he might want you and/or your sister to come over to do his laundry, do his cleaning, do his cooking like you did when he lived with you and with your sister. So he will have a learning curve to being a bachelor :)

thank you everyone for listening and support. Now it turns out that dad wants to try moving back to his house in Arizona and guess who gets to go with him? Yep me because he can't really live on his own no matter what he thinks and I'm single and my kids are grown so I'm in it but I can't stand the thought of just sending him there alone and letting him fall and lay there for days and no one finding him or him not feeding himself properly or taking his medications. I know that would be the easy way out but my heart's not in that

terrygma, I can't remember if you had said in other postings in the middle of the year if you are employed.... if you are, whatever you do DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB.... otherwise you could become the full-time 24 hours a day, 7 days a week caregiver for how many years your Dad will live [he could live another 10 years], and with you having no vacation time and no sick days for yourself. You will get burnt out in no time. And your Dad could out live you if you become exhausted and sick.

If your Dad wants to go back to Arizona and live on his own then he has to take full responsibility for his choice. If you feel he will be falling, going hungry, and not taking his meds, right there is enough reason to have him go into assistant living, or go into independent living and hiring someone to overlook his care couple hours a day.