Yelled at irresponsible dog walking neighbor. Should I feel bad?

This is one time I’m gonna agree with you, Lisa.

Any responsible owner keeps their pet on leash while around the public. Not one of them can use the excuse that their dog is nice. Maybe toward them, maybe toward everyone but me. I don’t really care, there’s a leash law for a reason.

That said, what does this topic have to do with agingcare? Did that dog threaten your dad?

I totally relate, Lisa. I hate it when dog owners don’t seem to care that their dog has scared you.

That said, if you feel it might make you feel better with this neighbor, you could leave a friendly card or note apologizing for yelling and explaining that you were startled and would greatly appreciate it if they would leash their dog in the neighborhood.

The neighbor may not comply but it couldn’t hurt! 😊

I don't think you should feel bad. I think how you handled this was silly and counterproductive.

#1 Yelling at a dog rarely makes it less aggressive, if it's being aggressive. Evidently this dog wasn't being aggressive, it was being sociable, and as it was a retriever you can be sure that if it had been really coming after you it would have got you. That's its job.

#2 Yelling at people rarely makes them think you were right and they were wrong. Saying "shouldn't your dog be on a leash on the sidewalk?" would have reminded him of any applicable bylaws and allowed you to express appropriate disapproval, but instead you just insulted him. Twice. All he'll take away from that is that you're a rude and unpleasant person who's mean to friendly dogs. He won't have thought "my bad, I should have kept the dog on a leash."

Does this man live very close to your Dad's house? Are you likely to bump into him often?

🙄

I was walking with my 90 year old MIL on a beach which allowed ‘dogs under control’. MIL was just shorter than 5 feet, which was shorter than the dog when it jumped up on her. I held my arms around her and yelled at the two girls walking the dog. Response - ‘He’s only a puppy’..”He’s only trying to be friendly’. MIL and I were really shaken. My work gave me an extensive swear word vocabulary, most of which I used. Grrrrr!

Maybe they were in shock. Years ago my new dog get loose and I was calling him, and running after him completely panicked.
A woman walking across the street started yelling at me about leash laws and get my dog. She could clearly see me running after him and calling him. I was so panicked he would get hit by a car right in front of me, or take off to look for his last owners and be gone for weeks. Or the aspca finding out he got loose and get mad at me or fine me. These thoughts were flashing before my eyes. And then I had this woman wanting to lecture me on leash laws like I let him loose on purpose.
Maybe the dog escaped. Maybe they felt their was no point arguing with someone who was mad. Nor in this climate. You never know.

Maybe they were in shock. Years ago my new dog got loose and I was calling him, and running after him completely panicked. I went to get the mail, and he bolted past my legs. New dogs try to escape. It's not their home yet. It is common.
A woman walking across the street started yelling at me about leash laws and get my dog. She could clearly see me running after him and calling him. I was so panicked he would get hit by a car right in front of me, or take off to look for his last owners and be gone for weeks. Or the aspca finding out he got loose and get mad at me or fine me. These thoughts were flashing before my eyes. And then I had this woman yelling at me about leash laws like I let him loose on purpose. He never went near her.
Maybe the dog escaped. If a dog wants to get past you, they can. The person probably went to the door and had it opened and reached down to leash them not thinking. The dog saw you and bolted to you. They probably did it that way Fifty times before and the dog stood there to be leashed. Now they know the person knows they cant do that any more. Maybe they felt their was no point arguing with someone who was mad. Nor in this climate. You never know.

Many dog owners are irresponsible jerks. This sounds like one.

Speaking from my own experience, this is a case where a neighbor of a parent is being a complete jerk, and you didn't handle it as well as you'd like to have. You didn't say anything about your father's situation, but if you're on this forum you're likely under some amount of stress to begin with. For your father's sake, if you encounter that neighbor again, and they're not being aggressive toward you AND if you feel the need to say anything at all (you might not), you could say something like 'if I had that to do over again, I'd have handled it differently' and then resist explaining further, unless the situation really calls for it. It's not exactly an apology, or an admission that you were wrong, it's just an acknowledgement that you'd like to have handled it differently, which I think you would. So next time dealing with neighbors, for your father's sake, try to be more smooth. But worrying beyond that won't help (I know, easier said, than done). The situation was created in the first place, because the neighbor was being a jerk. I like dogs, but don't have one because I don't want all the responsibility that comes with having one. People who do have one, but don't accept all the responsibility, are jerks. (and that's pretty much true of anything, people who want the rights, but not the responsibility/courtesy owed that comes with anything they own)

I don't think you have to worry about your dad getting knocked over or attacked by a dog since he is unable to walk and cant even open the fridge door.

And maybe the guy with the dog was confused because you told him to lease his dog. And he was like WTF are you talking about?

I mean, should the dog have been leashed? Absolutely. Was it irresponsible for a number of reasons not to have the dog on a leash- definitely. Anything could happen and there are reasons for leash laws and even where leash laws don't exist it's just a good practice to have a dog on a leash in places where they could encounter unfamiliar people or get away from their owner.

That being said, was the yelling and confrontational nature strictly necessary right away? Probably not. Was there something going on that day that made you react so quickly and strongly? There may have been some reason that the neighbor didn't react as quickly as you were expecting. In hindsight you are probably realizing that it was a stronger reaction than necessary. But give yourself some grace and let it pass.

Here is my concern - and this is important for YOU to remember. You say "No one in their 80's should fall. Ever!"

We all WANT this. This is the hope. This is the plan but this is NOT the reality. You do everything that you can to make this happen. You remove rugs and obstacles, including dogs and cats. You give them the tools they need to move about safely. You make sure they have (and wear) the right footwear. You do all that you can to ensure that they are safe. BUT THEY WILL STILL FALL. And in some cases they will do it A LOT. And in fact often the more you try to prevent it the more it happens. So do everything you can to prevent it and remove obstacles. But remember it is still going to happen so plan for that too.

We have done everything that we can to ensure that FIL's home is as obstacle free as possible but he still has FALLS. There is literally nothing you can do to ensure that it will never happen. So you have to prepare yourself mentally for it. And you have to prepare yourself for what you are going to do physically. I know that sounds strange. But for the vast majority of people in that age group you can't just grab them and pick them up. At least the ones I know. They can't all help in the getting up. So in a lot of cases you have to call an ambulance or for other help and you have to know how to safely get them up if they have physical issues. In our case we have to call different help depending on if he is hurt. If he is, it's two ambulances (due to his weight/size). If he's not hurt it the fire department with a bariatric lift request (two teams).

So, while it is admirable that you want to protect him and I'm in no way making light of that goal, I think it is also prudent that you go to the other extreme and ensure you have a full plan for the falls that are sure to come.

You didn't do anything wrong. Dogs are supposed to be leashed. It doesn't matter is the dog isn't an aggressive breed. Unless a dog is living on a gated-in estate somewhere they have to be leashed.
I'd give animal control a call too. Let the guy get a nice fine then see how fast he buys a leash for his dog.
I had irresponsible dog owner's as neighbors. They had three little dogs and thought it was fine to just let them all over toour place to crap. I didn't have any dogs myself, yet I had a yard full of crap.
We tried talking to them and that accomplished nothing. The dogs were still at our place several times a day. The final straw was I was bringing in groceries and they were nipping at my feet and I fell on the groceries which also got wrecked.
My husband or myself usually cleaned up their dogs' crap daily from our yard. Only I had a broken foot with two pins in it from the fall. So he had to clean up the dog crap alone for a while and he did.
Everyday after work he'd scoop it up into a big old Hefty garbage bag.
When that bag got good and full, he went next door and dumped it in their swimming pool.
Never saw those dogs in our yard again. The following spring my hubs, FIL, and BIL's put up a fence.

I have a friendly small poodle that likes to jump up and say hi. I have realized that this offends, and even frightens, some
people, especially from other cultures. Bad habit, my fault, and will try to retrain her. A lady my husband knew had to to get rid of her lovely large dog because it jumped up on her and she was injured, as she was disabled. I think this owner was in the wrong. Perhaps, a note explaining your concern causing the shocked response might make him be more careful? I must admit I know of dog owners, and people parents, that excuse egregious behavior by those they have, is raised the right word.? I saw a trainer exhibiting a method to retrain. He attached a long lead and let the dog wander until it ignored the lead, and when the dog jumped, he jerked it knocking the dog over. It was harsh, worked instantly. He explained it was the reason after biting that made people give dogs to shelters. A very bad habit.

For Burnt, you could have sued the owners for your fall. No dogs nipping at you, no fall. I would also would have called animal control. If I found out the dog was adopted from a shelter, they would get a call too. My daughter volunteers for a no kill shelter and their adoptions have contracts. If you find for any reason you can't continue to care for the dog, they are to be returned to the shelter. You must show vet records that shots are given and previous dog got regular check ups. The dog cannot be given to another person, must go back to the shelter. Dogs are not allowed to wander and can be taken back by the shelter if found they are.

Lisa, maybe did overreact, but the guy was a jerk. Standing there with a leash in hand but allowing the dog to run free. I am 5 ft tall and I don't care for large breed dogs. I just read where Labs and Retrievers can be aggressive and I would have not appreciated a dog that big coming at me. Dogs by law are to be leashed at all times and contained on your property with no way to escape.

Our neighbor adopted a dog that looks like an over grown beagle. He is about the size of a Lab. He was sniffing around my house and I wanted to leave. I hollered to the owner to please come get ur dog and he said "he is just wandering around". Dogs lovers don't seem to understand that everyone does not love their dog. That there are people who are afraid of them. If you have this problem again, turn your back to the dog. Show no aggression. I don't see where you need to apologize. The person was a jerk. He should have called his dog back. If the dog is not trained to take commands, it should be leashed at all times. But then a trained dog would not have come at you and a responsible owner would leash their dog,

As my daughter said when I said I was afraid Mom would fall and break something..."they will fall". She literally turned her back on a resident in a wheel chair for a second and in that second the resident was able to stand up and then fell.

In reading Moxie's reply it made me think. My daughter dated a disabled man with a Service Dog. A trained service dog. It cost thousands to train this dog. I was never afraid of him because he was so well behaved.

Not saying thousands of dollars need to be spent but if you have a dog, then train them or have them trained. Do not think its cute that your dog smells someone (I hate this), jumps up on them or licks their face. I HATE it and will not return to ur home unless the dog becomes better behaved.

Many years ago, I was walking MIL's dog - on a leash. At the end of her street, a dog was running loose and belonged to the family who lived on the corner. If recollection serves me correctly, the owners were already aware the dog was loose. The dog charged my MIL's dog and wanted to fight. I didn't know what to do. I clung to the leash and yelled anything and everything I could at these people to have them remove their dog from the situation before MIL's dog got killed (not to mention my own safety). In that moment, it was life or death. I didn't care what I said or who heard me. I went home and said to MIL "Let me know if your neighbors call the cops on me." Not long after that incident, the family put their house up for sale and left. Don't worry about it. You were justified. My hands are shaking just typing this.

I can understand how you might have felt and also understand your actions. I can relate your story to 2 similar stories of my own. One when I was in the situation of your neighbour , i.e. behaving irresponsibly and got shouted at by another person and the other was when I was doing the shouting at the irresponsible person. I will use the example of pointing out the error of my irresponsible neighbour. It wasn't received well. I reflected and apologised some hours later which was received very well and the problem I was concerned about has not repeated since. I dont know your neighbour or your situation like you do but I am quite happy to be the first to apologise in situations....for what I am sorry for ...not for what the other might/is responsible for. Hope helpful.

I am a big time animal lover. Had a dog for most of my kid/teen years. Lived in apartments after I left home, and have had cats ever since. Love dogs and live in a house with a yard now. But we have no fence and aren’t home during the day to let one out for potty breaks. Wouldn’t be fair to the dog.

Barring a prior traumatic incident, I cannot understand anyone not loving animals. Or people thinking they’re dirty and don’t belong inside.

Anyhoo. I do agree they should have kept their dog on a leash. A retriever would probably just lick you to death. The horror! But as an old bumper sticker said, Leashed = Loved.

I’ve had leashed and unleashed dogs come up to me. The owners usually apologize and pull the dog back. Even though I’m one of those people who talks to dogs like they’re toddlers and don’t mind the visit at all!

But unless it’s obvious that a dog is running up to chew your face off, yelling at the owner just makes you look crazy. Or they see you as someone who just hates all animals and doesn’t want any animal in their periphery, thus they don’t give a rat’s butt about your rant.

Of course you should yell.
Don‘t feel bad.

Obviously the dog didn't get near you or you would not have made a left turn to extricate yourself. You acted aggressive because you were scared, stop blaming everything else for you.

You should bother to read your state laws, a leash isn't required if the dog is under voice control in many states. Maybe your dads is one.

You just made yourself look like what you are, so stop being surprised because you are treated like you ask to be.

As much as I like dogs I do think they should be leashed. I once saw an elderly neighbor get knocked over when an overly friendly dog jumped on him which resulted in a broken rib. No bad dogs just irresponsible owners.

What do I think? That you're back again with more histrionics and trying to stir up drama. What does this post have to do with caregiving?

Is the dog okay?

Golden Retrievers are often friendly to a fault, and this lovable trait makes them fantastic companion dogs but works against them when they're trying to learn to protect someone or something from intruders. They're naturally protective dogs, but they're protective of everyone.

We have two female Cattle Dogs. There is no way that we have them off a leash when walking them around our neighbourhood. Our Red Cattle girl is very wary of strangers while our Blue Cattle girl is super friendly and gets very excited when people are around, so she needs an extra firm hand. We would rather take them to the off leash dog park in our area. It’s huge and they can run to their heart’s content.

Lisa, do not physically interact with dogs if you can possibly avoid it. all that will do is pit you at more physical and legal risk.

Fences, even low ones, make excellent barriers for dogs. An alternative is natural vegetation. A house near my parents has exotic cacti with five inch thorns as their fence.

People violating leash laws can be videoed just like anyone else in public. Take that evidence to your local animal control, which will have law enforcement powers to correct the situation without even naming you. Please leave this to the professionals.

How close a neighbor is this dog owner? Is it possible that he/she knows about your mother's condition and that you care for her? It's possible that this dog owner is kicking himself in the butt right now knowing that they added to your stress.

I'm lunk-headed enough that unless it's foaming at the mouth I welcome dogs charging at me as comic relief and innocent joy, BUT I very much understand being aggressively rushed at as though being attacked, and to have this happen while walking in deep thought makes this surprise an unfortunate combination. Your reaction is totally understandable.

If you're concerned that your reaction was a bit overkill, yes it would have been under better circumstances, which would've been you without troubles, and if the dog owner were more responsible and would've restrained the dog upon the first yank on the leash. This whole event would have been totally avoided. But you were caught off guard and the other party didn't do the right thing.

Sometimes when things go sh*t badly, or viciously startling, I wonder if I may have just been given a smack on the back of my head by fate to sharpen me up as a warning to avert something worse that may be in store for me.
Sometimes I think, after my heart stops thumping and I calm down - Okay, okay, Jeez Louise, what was the lesson? Maybe you're supposed to talk to this person eventually. Maybe you were the best tool to remind this person to do the right thing which actually helps a elderly senior on a stroll the next day.
Yes, I am a little whacky. At any rate, thinking like that softens the lingering discomfort of the episode.

As part of your community of caregivers I totally understand your part. A barking dog can be a fearful dog and/or an aggressive dog. Dog bites are not funny. You may have saved the dog's life by waking up the owner.

Because you question your reaction you definitely sound like a good person.

After a while you will pass that person again. Give a little wave and a nod if you can and build on it. Your dad may need him one day. He may need you.

You're back here trolling lisatrevor? It's been a while. Honestly, you and Isthisrealyreal should live together because you're both out of your cotton-pickin' minds.
PeggySue is spot on about service dogs. My niece's husband trains service dogs. It is a serious training pretty much from the moment that pup is born it starts.
Real service like this who are a blind person's eyes or deaf person's ears or who will be in law enforcement, do not just run over to a stranger to say 'hi'. They are so disciplined that never happens.
Maybe the "service" dogs for people who have emotional problems or anxiety disorders get different training. They are not seeing, hearing, or detecting explosives. Their job is a little easier. Their job can be managed with a little Ativan.

Hi GardenArtist, I’ll answer your question out of sequence as the nests are getting snarled.

What I did was quote our county’s law, which is based on California law.

The law here is that if ones cat, rabbit, chicken or other animal is on the owners property and a dog harms or kills it, they can file a report requesting an animal control investigation. The dog will be picked up and involuntarily housed at hundreds of dollars per day to the owner for perhaps months while animal control prepares the case for a judge. Even if they are paying, there are no visitation privileges. If they won’t pay then custody reverts to the shelter, usually ending with a euthanasia.

If, and usually only if, the dog owner retains a lawyer in addition to paying, they may get the reward of being county required to put up 8 foot fences around their property with county issued dangerous dog signs all over it. They are required to inform their homeowners insurance. They are then only allowed to walk said dog with a muzzle for the dogs entire life. Animal control will be by for unscheduled drive bys for the dogs entire life.

20k in 2022 actually is a lowball estimate.

that’s not me talking about opinions. It’s how it actually works.

The startle that we feel when a dog starts charging at us is strong and reflexive. You can't help the physical shaking and anger at the perceived threat.
Having the leash in your hand and seeing the dog but not calling it to come as soon as you appeared in the dog's line of sight was the owner's error. Next was the owner's apparent lack of urgency to get that dog onto the leash. Or the dog does not have a very well conditioned response to the command to come - or sit and stay or whatever.
My dog loved to run on the beach. As a puppy she did it with a 2 ft long cotton lead to give me a chance to grab her while she was learning. She. never did master the behavior (due to lack of skill on. my part) so her beach trips were early in the AM, and I kept my eyes on her and scanned all the dogs around us every couple of minutes...so I could get the leash on her if any dog was approaching.
For her safety and the other dog.
Had a couple of owners who were furious that I would not 'let' my dog play with their dog. Blind in one eye, my dog got freaked out if 2 strange dogs came up at the same time....
Try to chalk it up to stupid humans, and let it go. You sure can't control what others do, or their pets.

Hey Isthisrealyreal,

Not that you're owed an explanation, but I have 25 years of service in caregiving without so much as a Post-it note in my work file. Do you? I have never been fired from a position, and my many references are so sterling that The Queen of England would brew her tea on them.
In the mail today was my second approval letter from my state for a homecare agency license in my name.
In my state if you want this kind of license a person can't have anything questionable. Not in one's work or tax history. Not bad credit, and not even an unpaid parking ticket to get this kind of licensing. So if the state who has held me serious scrutiny and pretty much talked to every family and agency I ever worked for in 25 years approves me, then I would hardly be criticized and humbled by the likes of you.
If only there was a finger emoji...