My mom's health has declined tremendously since the beginning of the year. We finally got to the doctor, she did have a mild stroke. She does have a pulmonary aretery issueand enlarged heart. She has to have an EEG, cognitive test, and MRI.
They are testing her for MS and GOD knows what else. I suspect she has some form of dementia, or parkinsons.
I am a single parent of 2 boys, we live with my parents. I am worried about both of my parents. My mom I know is going to pass sometime in the near future, whether that be today, 2 months or a year from now.
My dads health is generally good, but just this past week he has started to have mini break downs. Over little things, I know he is stressed, he talks to me about how difficult it will be to afford a nursing home if mom ends up there. Or how hard it will be to afford a home health nurse.
How do I deal with worrying about both parents at the same time? I tell my dad he cant stress, but how can he not, I am not financially responsible for my mom and I am stressed, scared, worried.
Her "sundowning" has taken a toll on all of us. She gets incredibly mean and says mean and hurtful things. My kids hate the way she talks to me.
I guess I am just venting but thanks for taking the time to read/listen to my worries.
I do not know how old you are, but you may have a lot of growing up to do in a very short period of time by having to help your father make some tough decisions. If your parents attend church, ask your pastor/priest if they can stop by to visit and give some words of encouragement to your Dad and you. What I have found that works for me is that I sought a therapist that I can go and speak to each week, it puts everything into perspective and seems to lighten the load. Your father may benefit from this as well. There are support groups to that you each need to attend to build friendships and to know you are not alone in all of this.
My heart goes out to all of you in this time of need....God Bless you All!!!
"worry" but not like I used to. I attended local caregiver support group and know that it will not help. It truly is one moment at a time. If you focus on all that needs to be done you will miss the experience of being with your parents. Not all of it is awful, not all smiles. What helped me tremendously was knowing, really knowing that I cannot control her or all the outcomes, each of us has a life path so to speak.
Use a notebook to keep track of appts. things that happen such as change in meds etc. it is confusing to try and recall chronologically events. Go back and write down some of the info people have given you here it is all so helpful. also keep all phone nos. medications in notebook, insurance info too so it is all in one place. Taking care of you and kids is important. YOU set the tempo and the mood.
Believe me I am no saint and get frustrated and scared but I know that I can only control my responses. this is a great site and this was your step in seeking support. we are all here for one another. I wish you peace and love.
He has a wonderful heart for our saviour!
Amyrup, Many have given similar advise in this post, but a ton of your personal stress will be relieved when you accomplish the practical aspects of arranging for future care. I would look into everything Prsimon said. I think it is fabulous that you can still have intelligent conversations with your Dad. His concerns are also valid and he will feel empowered by your teaming with him to accomplish the goals stated by Prsimon. Please keep us posted with your progress!
homeownership and social securty, medicare and "spending down" to medicaid.
It may help you get rid of alot of stress just knowing what to do.
They have been a real help for myself and my mother and father.
Good luck to you. Both my MIL and mother are in AL/nursing homes.
NOW: for the practical part. I think you need a full game plan here including full knowledge of all finances, assets and medical plans for both your parents. Only with this knowledge can you try to map out a path going forward. See what you can or cant truly afford. Talk to their accountant or attorney if they have oneto discuss their situation. If no LTC insurance then start checking local colleges, especially ones with nursing programs. Students will come and sit, assist or whatever for much more manageable rates than agency people. Call local churches. They often have volunteers to help seniors. And please, do not say you dont need help yet - you do! That help can truly be two hours to go to a movie with your kids, or lunch with a girlfriend, or just go and sit and get a manicure in peace!
I dont know if your ex is a good guy or the ex from hell, but if there is any possibility of his helping with your kids, now is the time to ask him. Take them to an extra dinner or movie during the week or weekend. it will make you also feel less guilty about them watching the show at home.
a lot of stress in worsened by the fear of the unknown. Dad is scared about financial security, about losing his partner and being alone, about living alone once she is gone, about how horrible it will be to wait while she dies and a host of other things. mostly this all then falls under the male "I have to DO something" or I am not being a man. If he is clear enough, have him help you work out a financial concept. Dont judge what you DONT have, just figure out what there IS available to you guys and how to make it work to best serve your needs.
BTW if Dad is a veteran there is Veterans Aid and Assistance for him and his spouse, but be prepared to go through beauracratic hell to document and apply and then wait for months to get an answer.
When it comes down to it; try to get all the help you can. Ask DSS for help. See if someone can be paid by the state to watch one of your parents.
Take time for yourself. If you become sick; who will your parents have? See all of the resources available to you.
Tell your Dad that him stressing himself out over your Mom; would make your mom worry.
Write in a journal and put down your feelings. There are support groups too. You are not alone.
I actually have enjoyed my time with my parents. I got to hear some awesome stories, and I got to see how incredible my parents were. They are my heroes for going through all of their sicknesses and still laughing.
Tell you children about your mother's health issues. Let them know she doesn't mean it. Sundowners isn't her fault.
Just post on here if you need to talk. I am available and have had the same problem; only I have no kids.
You are amazing for doing this!!! No matter what happens; know you had the strength and courage to tackle a big project, like this, head on. Your parents are proud of you; even if your mom can't say it.
God Bless you and good luck!!!