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I'm in a legal mess, and need some advice. I have been my mothers caregiver for the last 10 years, and had POA, and all medical rights over her. My mother has had a history of mini strokes. Over the last several months she was becoming increasingly combative. She was, and I have to be honest, driving me insane, and I wasn't handling it well. She started to refuse her meds, accuse me of stealing her money, run out of the house using the back door and tell neighbors I was tying her up, or I was being mean, and I ended up not being able to even take a shower, worrying if she would fall going out the steep front door, as she started to do recently. Well she had the police called, and I went outside to let them know Mom wasn't well in her mind, and that mattered little, as they were very aggressive, and took me to the ground, and arrested me. Then they questioned Mom, and Mom told unspeakable, and inaccurate statements on my character which most all can be proven. I'm on the deed of the house, along with her, and she's in a nursing home now, but I'm worried this IN LAW who has POA now is trying to ruin me, and has already had me evicted due to a 2 year protective order she had my mother sign against me, with more inaccurate claims. This is totally out of control, and I've been forsaken by everyone, including my lame duck attorney, and I'm trying to find some peace in all this, as I never ever hurt, or even attempted to hurt my mother, I love her with all my heart, and this heart is crushed. I don't have a clue as what to do, and have no money to hire a team of attorney's to end this nightmare :-(

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A restraining order cannot be made legal for a year or more without a court proceeding where a judge rules on the evidence. You should have been notified and had the option to appear and defend yourself. Did this happen?

Outside of dealing with that issue, I'd say make sure you have stability for your own life first on where to live and finances and deal with the situation with your mother later. It sounds like the basics are being taken care of for her so maybe it's okay to sort things out on your end first.
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Good point, Debralee. Also, not in the best possible taste. JayL, of course that doesn't stop you keeping them as part of a record, if you wish.
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Posting your mother in a video on youtube without her consent can be a violation of her privacy. Considering your legal problems, I would remove them. Her POA could sue you on your mother's behalf for invasion of privacy. Considering you are having problems with this POA, why add to your legal problems.
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Mmn. I hadn't watched the YouTube videos until just now.

I don't think they help very much. I don't, either, think they suggest abuse; but they do indicate that you're still trying to deal with your mother as though she was a fully competent adult in a reasonable frame of mind. Since the subject was your allegation that she had said she wanted to kill you - the sort of thing one tends to say in the heat of an angry moment - it isn't surprising that she wasn't keen to discuss it. She apologised to shut you up.

For future reference, if you want to have a meaningful conversation with anybody, but especially an older person, turn off the TV first.
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Mom is in a safe place now.

Your videos do not support your case or perspective they show a caregiver badgering an old lady about admitting a comment (she may or may not have made) from days prior, which she does not even remember. The second video shows the elder not wanting to put her air one, whilst not in distress......big deal on both. Pathetic family dynamics, sad.

You will have a day in court. I hope justice prevails. If you are exonerated, you can request visits through the court if need be if the POA denies you.

I hope you do not regain care of mom, because if she has started escaping she needs more than a single person can provide and she will only worsen. I do hope you get visiting rights because albeit cranky and dysfunctional, it is the relationship you two have created and known all these years and it's absence would be hurtful.

Consider the plead particularly fir resisting arrest. Try to get a second legal opinion if you are not pleaded with your lawyer.
Do not try your case in the court of public opinion
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This thread says the doctor at this facility is incompetent. Your other thread says she's getting excellent care, yet you're thinking about calling APS because she's not being diagnosed for dementia and therefore somehow being medically abused. It sounds like both you and your mom are now each in a better place. Concentrate on cleaning up your legal problem. You still haven't provided any details on who the in law is or how this person is reportedly trying to ruin you.
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You poor sod.

First, re-read PStegman's comment. She's right, and you should be comforted. Just try to keep calm, because while the truth will out it does sometimes take its sweet time about it.

So you're back in your house, good. I don't know what your main source of income is: has it been affected by all this? Do you just need to sit tight and tide yourself over 'til the next instalment, or do you need to take more active steps? What about friends locally, can they lend you a hand?

Even if the current NH is refusing to test for dementia, you have medical records of mini-strokes and presumably your own records of your mother's deterioration. It's almost as though vascular dementia is a given unless someone can prove otherwise, which sort of puts the boot on the other foot, if you see what I mean. So, if someone wants to prove your mother has got capacity, they'll need to run tests - and the truth of it will out that way.

I'm sorry you haven't had luck with your lawyer. There are some idle rat-bags out there, and you can't tell by looking, unfortunately. Have you tried the Alzheimer's Society's website (it's not just for AD, they cover all the other dementias too) for advice on getting legal help?

I'm also sorry that things went so badly with the police when you were arrested. I expect you were pretty agitated, but it's a pity that the officer you encountered didn't take a look at the whole picture. Messy, complicated, and you get the dirty end of the wrong stick that everyone's got hold of. I'm so sorry.

Like everyone else, I'd like to know where this in-law fits into the picture - it could make a big difference.
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Assache, I appreciate your judgement, and I agree that the video is sad, and something I'm not proud of, but thank god I have video of the combativeness, and behavior issues associated with dementia. Her mentioning, I was doing all the TALKING is important, and her obsession of trying to run out the house on her own is important as well. Am I perfect? NO Am I the best caregiver in the world? NO I did my very best, and love my mother with all my heart, and have been by her side 24/7/365 without an ounce of help for 10 years, and gave her a life she otherwise never would of had.
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I'm going to be honest.. I watched your video and it made me sad. You need to learn more about dementia and proper care giving!

When you repeatedly asked Mom about her comment about killing you should have ignored the comment and changed the subject.. The only thing you did was continue asking what she said so you could prove some self satisfying point! She is not acting this way on purpose! If this is how you handle her outbursts then she is much better in a NH..
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So Jay, do you have some income or source of funds so you can eat and pay bills? You might want to focus on something productive, like a job. If you are on the title of the house it's not going to be sold without you getting your share. Who is the person the "in-law" is related to? Can that person help smooth things over? If you get a trial date set be prepared with whatever you think your attorney can use on your behalf. Try a little less self-pity too.
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After being ejected from our home, it took most of my cash, and I now am worried about eating, let alone paying the bills now that I'm back home. I'm screwed bigtime. If I were able to get a new attorney, it probably would be the same thing...do as little as possible, make a deal with the prosecter, and get paid. I've made it clear that I'll never plea out of something I'm not guilty of.
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yes she's been through stroke's and has cognitive testing, and many people can attest to her state of mind, and history, even the nh she is in. Here is a video I took a few days before mom had me arrested

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OP8VHn_jK4I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE2cTlXsAvI
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There is one doctor at that nursing facility, and she's not competent in my opinion, or lacks in time with residents. The very nursing home she is in know me very well, as mom went in there for rehab after falling last year, and breaking her leg. I was there everyday in her recovery, so they all know me there, but it's this IN LAw who is micro managing this whole thing, and coercing my mother, in my opinion, or dictating on how she should handle this, I don't think my mother wanted to continue this charade. It's so complicated, and really nobody cares. I'm the monster apparently, and that's the way they want to leave it. I don't think I ever felt this violated in my whole life. i'm guilty before proven not guilty, and I know I'll never have my day in court, as there will be no trial, as there is absolutely no evidence, as there was nothing violent that went on here, just issues with her behavior, and hurting herself. I guess they think that an 85 year old can't be lying....they all are burying their head in the sand, and my in law knows my Mother isn't of sound mind. She even signed the forms in which she knew the statements made by mother werent true.
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Prior to NH is there any medical history or diagnosis that supports dementia?
Even anecdotal evidendence from neighbors that support your character or her condition? Can you get and different lawyer?
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You need supporting witnesses who will testify to your good character. The postponements are in your favor, because there is time for others to observe your mother's dementia, including the MD's at the nursing home. It will become very clear that she is confused. The truth always emerges in the end.
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When she filed the protective order, she had put her, or our address on the form, and not the nursing home, and it was ordered that I vacate the residence. When I got out of jail, I came home, as I was never served the protective order, and had no knowledge I couldn't be there. My attorney advised me to call the police, and report all the stolen personal / business inventory of mine, and valuables of my Mothers that weren't with her at the nursing home, as she's in a assisted living portion. There was also three attempts on my credit debit card to steal money from my account while in jail. Well I called police, and they said no to both things, but called my name in, and poof the order said I couldn't be in residence, and they the me out with just the shirt on my back., We had the order modified yesterday, and I'm back in my home, but fear my IN LAW is trying to somehow get me off the deed, or the house sold eventually. The house has no mortgage. it's been paid for. I'm fighting a criminal case of simple battery, and resisting arrest, and they seem to want to keep advancing it forward for some reason. buying time. They refuse to have my mother tested for dementia, ect..ect... My lawyer is doing absolutely nothing, and it's obvious with all the false statements. and reports, Mom is confused, and maybe even being coerced. My mother is all I have, and I won't stop fighting for our right to be a family. I can't. I know I can't handle her in her state of mind, but I'd surely want to be able to spend her last days with her, and that is very much up in the air.
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and she never talked down to me again, the end..
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I am not sure how your in-Law is trying to ruin you.
Mom is in a safe environment, the prior arrangement was no longer working for either of you. So the road here was unpleasant, but you and she are in a better position. She is safe in an environment meets her needs and you are not trying to single handedly do what requires a team. Do not try to bring her home.

If there is a protective order I assume you cannot visit, is this what is causing you concern? Let it be, get counseling to deal with the grief, as you we be grieving your mother one way or the other......she has changed and the person you knew is gone.

Go on with your life.

I suspect you are worried about something else, like the house, or how your in law is ruining you. Or is the State pressing charges, as it sounds like you were actually arrested. If so you absolutely need a lawyer.

It is hard to imagine, if you are on the title of the house, and mom is not in the house, how you are evicted. Something does not make sense. Is the house owned outright? Does it have a mortgage? If if in foreclosure? Were you evicted in order to rent or sell it and use the income to support mom?
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sigh, the more the public becomes educated about dementia the better things will become. hospice for instance is already trained to spot the inconsistancies in an elders wild allegations. as difficult as it is with the paranoia and all , the more self confident you can be, the better. ya haveta stand up to people. one hospice nurse was forever implying that i was a parasite, being a wild looking male caregiver. i finally whipped out my pic book and showed the lady my own home which made hers look like a dump and i can say that without ever seeing hers. people are inherantly stupid, you haveta educate them.
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