Just put sister-in-law on Hospice in my home. Worried about how it will affect our family. Any advice?

How very sad. And how very wonderful what you are doing is!

I think you have enough on your mind just taking care of SIL. Your adult children, your husband, and your mother will have to be responsible for their own reactions.

Hospice can help you and your family as well as your SIL, if you want them to. The social worker and/or the chaplain could meet with all of you as a family and discuss their concerns and explain what to expect.

Hansolos, you are right about the ER visits doing more harm than good at this point. Even long before he went on hospice my husband's kind geriatrician tried to avoid having him come into the clinic more than absolutely necessary.

This transition from actively trying to "fix" everything that goes wrong with SIL and now switching to trying to maximize her comfort is appropriate as she nears death. You are doing the right things for her. It is an adjustment in how you look at things, but I suspect your entire family can make this adjustment. Hang in there!

It's getting harder, and switching from all night ER visits to hospice is unnerving, yet I know she can't be cured, and everything at the hospital does more harm than good at this point. My mom helps with her too, so I can get sleep and take a breather...my moms in great health but I worry about the affects on her.

For me, it's the running every time my mother calls that disrupts the rest of my family life. Then my granddaughter's time with me is continually interrupted by her great-grandmother's needs. One thing is to play within sight of my mother, so she knows what we are doing and where we are. Another thing I did is to put a flag inside her bedroom door. When the flag says "OFF DUTY" that means she is only to call me in an emergency. I also installed an intercom so I can answer non-urgent needs, and let her know when I can get there.

Hansolos, this hugely disruptive time for your family is coming to an end. SIL is dying. You feel you need to provide her care. As long as that is your decision, get through this as well as you can, leaning on the hospice staff for emotional support. I am sorry that SIL got dropped on you. Perhaps it would have been better back then to place her in a care center. But you can't turn the clock back three years. You made the best decision you could at the time. Now it will soon be over.

Hang in there!

Hansolos, it sounds like you are doing a wonderful thing for your SIL. Such kindness is rare. I know it will make such a huge difference in your SIL's last days and mean so much to your husband.

I'm not familiar with your type of situation, but, due to your concerns, I was wondering if you had looked into a Hospice Center. I have been seeing where they have locations where those with terminal illnesses can stay. They allow family input and interaction to any degree the family wishes. Some of them are called Life Centers.

I would hesitate to call it over dependence, but I know what you mean. SIL is terrified to be alone and needs you there every minute for reassurance. Impending death is a traumatic thing, and death in the home is not the norm here in North America any more. It sounds to me that everyone at your home is mature enough to make this journey but of course it will affect each of you. Does hospice provide someone to counsel you if you need it? When my brother was dying he chose to go to a hospice facility to spare his wife and young kids, that you can do this in your home is a wonderful thing. Do not hesitate to ask for more help if you need it. And remember this is about the quality of the time she has left, don't be too reluctant to help her with needed pain meds.

Hospice is very helpful. Even they are surprised at the rate of her changes, she's comatose then highly active. Literally, they say they recognize the house and us, but not her! Until the las 8 mo. It has been realitivly easy to help, I mean it was a lot of ER visits and dr appt and keeping up on things with dr and specialists and handling all medications....actually hospice has eased all that. Now it's her trying to do things that can hurt her and being up all night and sometimes cussing at me and the psycosis. When I say over dependence, I mean she wants ME to get her soda or do little things when my mom or daughters are there, she wants ME to do all.

You are a gem.

This situation certainly would be very stressful on you and your family. It sounds like your SIL may not understand what's going on or how to control her behavior. I'm not sure what the answer is. You say Hospice workers say they've never seen anything like it before. I'm not sure I could handle that on a long term basis.