I have an elderly uncle living me, I work and care for him but also have a home health care aid who cares for him about 70% of the time. He has become very close to her which I am fine with and glad that he has her as a companion.The problem is she has been with us so long, that she sometimes acts as thought this is her home and seems to resent the fact that I am her employer. Recently I caught her deliberately attempting to do something against specific instructions I gave her.
I didn't directly confront her about it. Instead I just left her note telling her I was disappointed that it happened and indicated that if I asked her do something she was uncomfortable with to let me know so I could address the situation myself. (I guess I thought this was how to let her know I was upset with what happened and did not want it to happen again without telling her I know she deliberately went against my directives as her employer.)
To make a long story short, she became irate and accused me of “thinking she was beneath me and that she is stupid” (her words). I think she did this to distract me from reprimanding her and make me feel as though I did something wrong by giving her orders/instructions for caring for my uncle over the years. (Because if you knew me you would know I could never feel that way about anyone, it is just not my nature. Also if I did think she was “stupid” she would not be working for us.)
This happened a couple of months ago and has created great tension at home. I myself constantly thinking about the things she said and have lost a certain amount of trust in her. Mostly because I feel she went against my instructions and then lied and maliciously tried to cover up what she did. The problem is my uncle really likes her otherwise I would have fired her on the spot.
My work will also cause me to travel so I had hired an agency to provide another aid to cover my shifts with my uncle. After I did this my uncle was a little confused and asked me if I was getting rid of her. I told that was not my intention but I am not happy with her (we did not have time talk more at that time). I plan to let him know that I would have fired her before but did not because of him. But that she needs to watch her attitude because if I ever feel she is not carrying out or bypassing my instructions and/or if she ever speaks to me that way again. I will fire her.
Now I find myself resenting her presence. I can barely speak with her without becoming angry. Tension is very high in the house now. So how do you handle working with an aid that you no longer have respect for and now dislike, but know that if you fired her it would break your uncles heart?
I fear that there will be no fixing this rift between you and the aide but it is your uncle's home, you are family, and you have to feel comfortable with whoever is in the home. You have to. No bones about that.
If she is still doing her job well try to let it go for now....see what happens. But she is not the boss---you are, and your uncle is. If she is defiant and does not follow your direction you'll have to fire her. She is an employee. She's not there to tickle your uncle's fancy, this is her job. If she won't perform the functions of the job she'll have to go.
That should leave the ball in her court. Don't argue with her. This conversation needs to be done in a civil tone. You can do this.
I will also try not to let myself get angry when I have to interact with her. Thanks again for your help.