There is a client who is in control of her live and change aids because she is very verbally abusive. According to her "She is the one paying and she have that right". She even pays less that minimum wage to her aide.
Sandy, if you are caring for your parent and your parent is abusive, I'd look into every possible Avenue to get parent outside help. First, a geriatric psychiatrist to see if dementia and depression are present. I'd look for adult day care, assisted living, and other outside care. I'd take care of my own mental health issues. I'd also walk out of the room EVERY SINGLE TIME the abuse started. No, dementia patients don't learn from this. But I'm not going to listen to it.
I had a patient like that. So my second week there, I let her have it. I read her the riot act, which she did not expect. Then I called her niece and told her this would be my last day. Within the hour three cars descended on the driveway, all her family, begging me to stay. I said it was up to her, dementia or no dementia. Then we all went inside, I told her she had a choice. Either she starts behaving like a loving human being or I would be gone forever. She liked me from the start and thought I would bow and scrape to her meanness and her demands, but she found out differently. She promised to reform. So I stayed for three years until I had to quit and stay home to care for my own husband who had just been diagnosed with dementia.
I take the same philosophy with him. Dementia or no dementia, they comprehend far more than we give them credit for. They even learn to say "I'm sorry when they offend." All a caregiver has to do is lower the boom. They are not as helpless in the upper story as we have been made to believe.
Agree with Babalou if you can't set boundaries look for a new job. When you interview make sure the expected wage is spelled out and agreed to. To a certain extent she is right you are the caregiver, she pays so has a right to expect things to be done a certain way. however you do not have to take abuse however much someone is paying you. I don't know wher you are situated but there a laws about minimum wage. plus you would count as a household employee and she should be pay things like worman's comp and unemployment insurance. now I realize most privately employed caregivers do work on a cash basis and without legal with holdings but that is something you can hold over her providing of course you yourself report your earnings. It is a jungle out there. Does the lady have some form of dementia or is she just plain mean. Sounds like it is time for you to move on.
Also, I'd comment that if this aide isn't formally certified, to begin working toward that goal now so s/he will have more power in their life to choose the kinds of clients to work with. To echo other comments, tell her she does have the right to make requests and comments, but they all must be phrased professionally, the undesirable language is dishonor for the speaker as well as the target.
If they are verbally abusive, get out. Nobody should be subjected to abuse. You can't rationalize with them, they don't care if they insult, degrade or disrespect you. Run. Find another job, there are plenty old people who need help and a good worker is hard to find.
What if its your own parent and your the only caretaker? Contantly out of moments of anger lashing out how you were a troubled child and now its my turn to put up with them...
Generally, in my experience, when an elderly person is uncomfortable or not feeling well they can say inappropriate things. Abusive or not, I would contact the persons Physician and alert them to this change. Allow the Doctor to run some simple tests like urinalysis and bloodwork, etc. You may find that there is a medical reason why the elderly persons mental status has changed.
Document the abusive experiences. Record them if you can. If there is a law preventing secretive recording to protect yourself, then inform the client what you are doing. I wonder if they are "sugary sweet" to you that day?
At least jot things down. What triggers abusive things, what do they say or do? Are they ranting directly at you or is it something else? Eg: a spouse or relative who passed away? It's not your job to find a psychologist for the client, but your input may prove valuable.
Sure do understand. Mine is a elder parent. It's been years. Only in the past year, maybe two, did I really start standing up for myself. Hang in there and find peace for yourself.
I take the same philosophy with him. Dementia or no dementia, they comprehend far more than we give them credit for. They even learn to say "I'm sorry when they offend." All a caregiver has to do is lower the boom. They are not as helpless in the upper story as we have been made to believe.
To a certain extent she is right you are the caregiver, she pays so has a right to expect things to be done a certain way. however you do not have to take abuse however much someone is paying you. I don't know wher you are situated but there a laws about minimum wage. plus you would count as a household employee and she should be pay things like worman's comp and unemployment insurance. now I realize most privately employed caregivers do work on a cash basis and without legal with holdings but that is something you can hold over her providing of course you yourself report your earnings. It is a jungle out there. Does the lady have some form of dementia or is she just plain mean. Sounds like it is time for you to move on.
At least jot things down. What triggers abusive things, what do they say or do? Are they ranting directly at you or is it something else? Eg: a spouse or relative who passed away? It's not your job to find a psychologist for the client, but your input may prove valuable.
Sure do understand. Mine is a elder parent. It's been years. Only in the past year, maybe two, did I really start standing up for myself. Hang in there and find peace for yourself.
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