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Hi all, I'm in sort of an unique situation - I'm 27 years old and have two older siblings (35 & 34). Our mother died 5 years ago from cancer, and we have been caring for our 80 year old father since then. He has Parkinson's and is not a social guy, so all interactions is really up to us. Being 27, I'm trying to live a "normal life" -- aka going out with my boyfriend and friends on the weekend. My sister moved home about 2 years ago to help my dad. I have to be honest that I am so incredibly exhausted. Mostly from planning my life around who will be home, what time is dad's medicine, etc. I am very in favor of looking at assisted care facilities, but both my siblings are all for keeping the status quo and keeping our dad in the house. Also, it's not like we all get along! We're constantly fighting and bickering. I am so incredibly lost and feel like a terrible daughter/sister. My father is a wonderful man - very much an engineer without the greatest social skills. He doesn't provide very much emotional support, but I know he loves and cares for us so much. Anyone out there who did turn to an assisted living facility -- how did you start the process and how did you deal with the finances? Thank you.

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Your feelings of wanting a your own life is normal. Your 27, he's 80, he had his youth and you have already cared for him 5 years. It will only get worse. Tell your siblings you are not going to care for him, find your own place to live and let them place him or they can care for him. In my opinion, once an individual cannot care for themselves, they need to go to a facility and their wish to age in place is out the window once it is forced or against the wishes of the caretaker.
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I don't know where you live but I would call the Department for Aging to see what your options are. You need to know what your legal rights are as well. Who has POA? Does anyone have it?
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You know when u start a process of finding a facility be very careful u want the best of care for ur dad so search when u find one call the market director ask her do they have a daycare program a daycare program gets them prepared, i work in one ask fhe prices of daycare and long term ,you need to come together on this ,,
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Well, I am 65 and I'm in favor of him staying home as long as possible. For my MIL, we set up a weekly schedule, 3 of us had two days each, one had 1 day a week. Same days every week, so we could plan our lives accordingly. If you cannot get there on your day, you at least call him for pill reminders.
Siblings should call each other weekly to share their observations. Siblings should start touring AL's, not for immediate placement, but for when the time comes. Because it will be here before you know it.
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