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My 90 yr old mother has started something new. I ask her if she is hungry and she says I don’t know I don’t think I am hungry. I think to myself is been 6 hours she should be hungry. So I prepare a meal and make her a plate and she eats everything on the plate. She says I guess I was hungry that was very good.


She no longer can remember to take her medication consistently. I set an alarm for medication time she still does not take her meds. I have to remind her or give her medication.


I am thinking this is just the beginning of decline. I can’t help but think she could pass at any time. I find myself standing in her room watching her sleep and asking myself how much time do we have.

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My Dad has had dementia for years - a slow transgression. I have attending seminars through the local dept of aging and did some research on line. What to expect, how to communicate, how not to challenge them. If they say the sky is purple - you say yes it is pretty - not no it's blue. Keeps your frustration down.

It is best to have the understanding and work with the situation and accept it. I learned that notes helped as he can read and understand but if I tell him the football game is on at 1:00 he will not remember. Helpers and I don't ask if he is hungry - just keep him on a schedule. Myself and helper give his meds in morning. He is still living on his own. We leave healthy snacks and gatorade by his TV chair - again he sees them he will eat. I use the zipper plastic bags to open easy for snacks.

None of this is easy. My friends commend me that I searched out the knowledge - a doctor can confirm but you have to navigate on how to handle what is best. Senior Centers may also be a resource as well as talking to a caregiver with a dementia client.

Each dementia case can be different so see what works for her. Best of luck and this forum is awesome for opinions and direction.

Barbara
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It's like reading the questions that went through my mind, but I knew my mother wasn't demented. When she was 80, I became her only child that would not put her into a home, and therefore her sole care giver, she had the foresight to make me promise her that I would stay in the house, and never allow my sisters or brother to put her in a home. She never thought she would become disabled, but her body gave out, and when the body gives and you can't do for yourself anymore, the mind tends to get bored. For 3 years, I did the same thing, wondering how much more time do we have, and hoping it would be longer than I thought. It became a joke between us, I would go out into the apartment mornings to make her breakfast, and I'd say, "Yo Ma, You still alive?" She'd come out of her stupor and say, 'Yeah, Jo, I'm still alive." Then she'd tell me how she would love some Oatmeal, toast, orange juice, coffee and maybe oranges too. Truly, I'd give anything to still be waiting on my mother today. When she would wake up in the morning, she always told me what an adventure she had during the night. One morning she told me how Crocodiles had infested the apartment and she fought them off with her stick. I looked at the channel she had on, it was on Discovery I think and they had a full night of Swamp People on. So, she was dreaming about crocks, because that was her subconscious mind taking in what she was hearing.
When she was fully awake, she realized reality. I always tested her when I thought she may be getting Alzheimers, and she knew all the answers, she never forgot who anyone was. You know when they no longer have their right mind, they will look at you one minute and know who you are, the next they will ask you why you are in their house, and who you are. She used to be a Physical Therapist and knew how to make the body work, so when hers stopped working she would hate that I would have to help her with her intimate tasks. She'd say, "What a revolting development this is!" But she was the same, and younger than your mother, 90 is a long time to live and keep it together. I don't know how long you have left with your mother, but if you can hang in there, don't put her in a home. She deserves to live with people who love her and won't harm her, does she still walk around, mine couldn't, so I found things for her to do, a friend of mine gave me the idea. Coloring became her passion, she used to be an artist, so coloring I thought would be easy for her, but she was working really hard to color those pictures. She wanted to give her coloring's to my siblings and their kids, but no one understood how much time and effort she put into them, and so they left them behind. I would hide them so my mom didn't know. If you can hang in there for her, please do, if your ready to let go then put her in a home. You are still young, I'm 55, and you have a long healthy life ahead of you. I don't know if your all she has, but if you are, then she's all you have as well. You only get one Mom.
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rocketjcat Dec 2019
"What a revolting development this is!"  That’s priceless!
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Start with her family doctor and ask for a physical and mental assessment. She may have age related decline or it could be more.
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She can no longer manage her medications nor her eating.
If she is living with you YOU need to give her the medication when she is supposed to take it. You can not set an alarm for her as she will probably have no recollection what the alarm is for or what to do or take if she does.
You can not ask her if she is hungry. She may not know or recognize what hunger feels like.
Begin fixing her a small breakfast, then a few hours later a snack a few hours after that lunch then in a few hours a snack then dinner later. The snacks can be small a bit of cottage cheese, fruit, yogurt or if she will drink them a product like Ensure or other protein/vitamin beverage.
There will come a time when she will refuse all food and beverage, PLEASE resist the urge to do a feeding tube.
This also might be a good time to consult Hospice she is probably qualified and they will help you through this time. And you will get help and equipment when you need it as well as a lot of support.

As for a doctor that specializes in dementia...there is not much they can do other than tell you she is declining and you already know that. But if you wish to consult one look for a Neurologist and or a Neuropsychologist.
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Hi Hopeful. You answered your own question regarding eating. your mom is beyond the point of making many decisions. You have to make them for her. Bring her meals without asking. The same with meds. You have to administer them to her. As far as a doctor that specializes in geriatric patients, that could help if you can find one. There is no cure for dementia, no magic pill. you can sow it with good nutrition, exercisize and surrounding her with things she enjoys. A therapy pal would also be helpful (dog or kitty). Take things a day at a time and don't stress or feel guilt. You are probably doing a better job than you think. Many of us are in this same boat.
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In my experience it didn't help. We've seen two neurologists and one psychiatrist that specialize in geriatric dementia. I haven't been able to discern any benefit. In fact, the psychiatrist told us there was really no reason to see her since there's nothing that can be done for dementia.
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Anticipate her needs, and just serve her food. Asking questions imo just confuses them, and then they forget the question.
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Instead of worrying about the 'what' or 'whether' in your mother's decline, surely it is advisable to have her condition properly diagnosed so you know exactly what you are dealing with. In Australia a patient is referred by the GP to a geriatrician who does extensive testing. Depending on the score and the quality of responses will determine any decline, and whether it is mild cognitive impairment or has already tipped into dementia. Psycho geriatricians are used when the patient's behaviour appears to become psychotic. Undoubtedly it is a similar process in your country, just the terminology and descriptions might differ slightly.
As far as both MCI and dementia are concerned, there is no cure, nor is there an imminent cure. There are a few drugs that can slow the dementia side if taken at the optimum time once it has tipped out of MCI. But progress will still be relentless, there is no return path. Behaviour modification is a useful tool to manage both MCI and dementia, and to maximise a sufferer's enjoyment and quality of life. A geriatrician helps guide a carer and sufferer through those options.
My mother managed to hide the decline of her MCI, then her dementia, very well. Unwittingly, we aided and abetted her in that quest. Whether she did it on purpose or whether it is just the way it goes, who knows! Your mother's attitude towards food is a perfect example of that ability to hide a problem. Other terms like 'I don't know, you decide for me', 'I cannot find my glasses, could you work out such and such for me', 'why is the alarm ringing' when it is the door bell or telephone ringing etc, with hindsight all pointed to her declining cognisance.
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No sense in asking her questions, her mind is declining. Just feed her and don't try and analyze everything, you will make yourself crazy. There are many changes on the horizon, don't awfulize.
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Definitely sounds like dementia. She will need somebody to give her medications, meals, and remind her to bathe, toilet, dress, go to bed... At least she is pleasant about it - huge blessing.
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