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In hospital right now with heart problems and the director of community is telling me I can’t stay overnight. I need to find where all her unpaid bills are placed and checkbook etc. It’s urgent all her affairs are taken care of and I would probably need a couple days to find everything and get everything taken care of. Plus she is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

Perhaps this should serve as a warning as something to consider if one is contemplating a move into such a community!
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Reply to jacobsonbob
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Sounds like the director is Cynthia from the Progressive commercial. I would push back. Maybe ask if a call from your lawyer would help clear up the matter.
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Reply to careinhome
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Compassionate5 Jul 19, 2020
LOL
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I have a unit in a 55+ community. There are 10,000 residents. Yes, were allowed guests, and if they want in/out of the community they need to register, or they would have to be cleared every time. I noticed there are things that happen above board and below board at this community. With regards to the daughter/POA... just go take care of Mom's business. Unless you are a disruptor, the neighbors will probably be glad someone is taking care of the neighbor, rather than report you as an unauthorized guest, which you are not, you are authorized and taking care of family business.
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Reply to cwinter
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As others said, it all depends on her 'contract' with the 55+ community. Our mother lived in one. I know that she had my brother stay there when he would visit (not local), but she was there. I believe guests were allowed for a specific amount of time, but have no clue what that was. I never stayed in the place. Her next door neighbor's son stayed for some time after she fell and broke her hip and wrist. Later she had aides, but I don't know if they stayed overnight.

When prepping it for sale, a question from the realtor came up. If one person buying it was 55+ but the spouse wasn't, what would the ruling be. I did ask, and they indicated they could be 'grandfathered' in. Not sure what would happen should the 55+ person pass away before the spouse hit 55... But, that would be on the buyers to check out and ensure, IMO.

Why they won't allow you to stay overnight to gather paperwork, documents, watch over the place, etc is baffling. How would that be any different than coming to stay with her for a short visit? Have you asked why? Could they not hear you out and grant you a brief stay, documented with an exit date? I should think if you are allowed to stay it should only take a few days to gather what you need.

Perhaps they think you are just prepping to move in - if they are unreasonable, I would ask for a copy of the signed contract (as POA they should grant this) and if there are questions, have an EC atty review it with you.
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Reply to disgustedtoo
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If you are under the age of 55 there is a very good possibility that the community can prohibit you from staying. (this is to prevent others from saying they are "caring" for a resident)
Look at the community regulations and see what exactly the rules are and if there is any way that you can get approval from the HOA or Board if this is a situation where she needs care. They may allow it on a temporary basis.
But if it is on a temporary basis you need to use the time to figure out a long term plan.
1. Will she stay there with a caregiver that can remain with her?
2. She could move out and into a Memory Care facility. (does she own or rent?)

I would imagine you could stay there while you are searching for documents and "cleaning" out items. But if management comes knocking maybe a tearful explanation might help hold them off a bit.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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jacobsonbob Jul 18, 2020
Perhaps a letter from the hospital or a physician explaining the situation would be of help.
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This is very common with these communities, usually an attempt to keep children or grandchildren from becoming permanent "guests".
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Reply to ZippyZee
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I am sorry, I can see you are having a rough time, but these communities have rules.  Your mother agreed to them.   I assume they will let you in during the day, but you will have to stay somewhere else at night?  

Given the current environment, where it is impossible to evict people, I understand the director being particularly careful.
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Reply to FloridaDD
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Tell the director of the community to "put that in writing". If you haven't already given her community a copy of the POA, do so now. Keep your cool, because you will have a much easier time with the thick-headed director if you remain respectful but firm that your mother is in the hospital and you have legal authority to handle her affairs.
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw
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if they’ve never seen you before they may not trust your motives for being there. People steal and take advantage of their elderly family members ALL. THE . TIME. Make sure you have your POA with you and be as transparent and friendly as possible. If they’ve never seen you visit before they may just be concerned about protecting the resident when a family member they don’t know is wanting to stay there without the resident present. When my dad moved into a 55+ place I went to the front office, introduced myself and made myself known to them. By the time there was a crisis, they knew who I was and gave me some leeway.
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Reply to Babs55
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All I can say is they wouldn't let me, and I was forty-nine at the time. I thought they were being a little bit pedantic but there was no arguing about it.

I'm surprised the community doesn't have "guest suites" for residents' visiting families though - nothing like that available? If not, you'll just have to find the nearest hotel.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Geaton777 Jul 15, 2020
If the management was able to think outside the box even a little, they could charge the emergency visitor a nominal amount per night, less than competing area motels and have them sign a doc agreeing they can't stay past a certain date.
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