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In hospital right now with heart problems and the director of community is telling me I can’t stay overnight. I need to find where all her unpaid bills are placed and checkbook etc. It’s urgent all her affairs are taken care of and I would probably need a couple days to find everything and get everything taken care of. Plus she is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

What a ridiculous policy. What will they do if you stay overnight, call the police? Can you request a copy of your mom's lease to see how the rule actually reads? Are you older than 55? ugh so sorry for this extra stress for you!
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worriedinCali Jul 15, 2020
It’s not a ridiculous policy because her mom isn’t there on the property. Those type of communities have rules, you can’t just let someone else stay there especially when you aren’t there. If mom is hospitalized it’s not like the property managers know who has permission to stay there. It would be ridiculous if the OPs mother was there and needed a caregiver but that’s not the situation.
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This could depend on the wording of the contract your Mother signed. It leasing, an owner.. what? Get a copy of the agreement so you can find out your Mom's rights. What do they plan to do if she needs a 24 care for some time after she leaves the hospital?? Throw the caregiver out? Read the contract and if necessary let an attorney review it. If they are just trying to intimidate you a very short letter on an attorney letterhead will convince them of the errors of their ways. In finances are a problem, check in with the local Office on Aging and explain the situation. they may know of attorneys who work with the aged population for min charge. Good Luck and keep us updated!
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Reply to geddyupgo
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If you are under the age of 55 there is a very good possibility that the community can prohibit you from staying. (this is to prevent others from saying they are "caring" for a resident)
Look at the community regulations and see what exactly the rules are and if there is any way that you can get approval from the HOA or Board if this is a situation where she needs care. They may allow it on a temporary basis.
But if it is on a temporary basis you need to use the time to figure out a long term plan.
1. Will she stay there with a caregiver that can remain with her?
2. She could move out and into a Memory Care facility. (does she own or rent?)

I would imagine you could stay there while you are searching for documents and "cleaning" out items. But if management comes knocking maybe a tearful explanation might help hold them off a bit.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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jacobsonbob Jul 18, 2020
Perhaps a letter from the hospital or a physician explaining the situation would be of help.
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This is very common with these communities, usually an attempt to keep children or grandchildren from becoming permanent "guests".
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Reply to ZippyZee
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All I can say is they wouldn't let me, and I was forty-nine at the time. I thought they were being a little bit pedantic but there was no arguing about it.

I'm surprised the community doesn't have "guest suites" for residents' visiting families though - nothing like that available? If not, you'll just have to find the nearest hotel.
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Geaton777 Jul 15, 2020
If the management was able to think outside the box even a little, they could charge the emergency visitor a nominal amount per night, less than competing area motels and have them sign a doc agreeing they can't stay past a certain date.
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Are they asking that Mom give written permission? If so and she can't thats when your POA should kick in. Ask if a note from the doctor saying Mom is not competent to give permission would be enough to at least get you in the house. The director could come with you to insure you only take what is needed. Don't they have you down as an emergency contact?

I guess u realize that Mom may not be able to return home? I would think there is something in the Communities contract that allows a caregiver to live in the house.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I am sorry, I can see you are having a rough time, but these communities have rules.  Your mother agreed to them.   I assume they will let you in during the day, but you will have to stay somewhere else at night?  

Given the current environment, where it is impossible to evict people, I understand the director being particularly careful.
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Reply to FloridaDD
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First things first - is the community gated? Do you have a gate pass? Can you get one? Obviously, entering the community at all is the first hurdle, if it's gated. Has your mother arranged entry privileges for you, or are you starting from scratch?

Once you're in, it will be harder for them to get you out. Provided you have your mother's keys, of course. They can tell you no (if you ask) and they can leave a warning note on your car if you overstay your welcome (and they actually check) but they're unlikely to go to the trouble of bringing in the authorities to get you out.

I live in one of those communities. People skirt the rules all the time, especially for caregiving purposes, house-sitting or pet-sitting situations. As long as there's no trouble, nobody gets worked up about it.
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FloridaDD Jul 15, 2020
The situation has already been brought to the management's attention.   Maybe in your community they skirt the rules, in others they do not.   I doubt they will call the sheriff, but I expect that they can and will start issuing fines against the mother
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Tell the director of the community to "put that in writing". If you haven't already given her community a copy of the POA, do so now. Keep your cool, because you will have a much easier time with the thick-headed director if you remain respectful but firm that your mother is in the hospital and you have legal authority to handle her affairs.
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw
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As others said, it all depends on her 'contract' with the 55+ community. Our mother lived in one. I know that she had my brother stay there when he would visit (not local), but she was there. I believe guests were allowed for a specific amount of time, but have no clue what that was. I never stayed in the place. Her next door neighbor's son stayed for some time after she fell and broke her hip and wrist. Later she had aides, but I don't know if they stayed overnight.

When prepping it for sale, a question from the realtor came up. If one person buying it was 55+ but the spouse wasn't, what would the ruling be. I did ask, and they indicated they could be 'grandfathered' in. Not sure what would happen should the 55+ person pass away before the spouse hit 55... But, that would be on the buyers to check out and ensure, IMO.

Why they won't allow you to stay overnight to gather paperwork, documents, watch over the place, etc is baffling. How would that be any different than coming to stay with her for a short visit? Have you asked why? Could they not hear you out and grant you a brief stay, documented with an exit date? I should think if you are allowed to stay it should only take a few days to gather what you need.

Perhaps they think you are just prepping to move in - if they are unreasonable, I would ask for a copy of the signed contract (as POA they should grant this) and if there are questions, have an EC atty review it with you.
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Reply to disgustedtoo
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Perhaps this should serve as a warning as something to consider if one is contemplating a move into such a community!
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Reply to jacobsonbob
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I do not believe that this is correct. Ask for the rules to be pointed out to you. You are there I assume as a visitor while Mom is hospitalized. You are her POA. Have you made this clear. IF Mom is diagnosed with Alzheimers, how is it that she is living alone? Or is she? Do you actually already live there? Is she returning home to live alone with this diagnosis? I don't think I would leave. Clearly you have the keys and are attending to her business for her. You may need to consult a lawyer in the area. I doubt they can forceably remove you from here.
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Shane1124 Jul 20, 2020
Good question Alva. With Alzheimer’s I too was wondering how mom is able to live alone.
OP, speak with the manager again and have your mother’s admission ppwk with you to share with her. I think the community not allowing you to stay overnight under these circumstances is unreasonable. I understand those communities have rules but that one prohibiting you her daughter from staying there temporarily is ridiculous.
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My mom lives in a senior mobile home park. I had to register as a guest to stay at her home when she was hospitalized. It’s usually a 14 day stay here in California. Best thing to do is follow the rules of her lease.
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Reply to Terrisue
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Sounds like the director is Cynthia from the Progressive commercial. I would push back. Maybe ask if a call from your lawyer would help clear up the matter.
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Compassionate5 Jul 19, 2020
LOL
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yes you can stay not only over night but longer.

People living in over 50 communities are allowed to have overnight guests and visitors like any normal person even a week or two during the year.

Especially so in emergency situations.

Just ignore the person and do what is needed to be done.
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Reply to bevthegreat
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I have a unit in a 55+ community. There are 10,000 residents. Yes, were allowed guests, and if they want in/out of the community they need to register, or they would have to be cleared every time. I noticed there are things that happen above board and below board at this community. With regards to the daughter/POA... just go take care of Mom's business. Unless you are a disruptor, the neighbors will probably be glad someone is taking care of the neighbor, rather than report you as an unauthorized guest, which you are not, you are authorized and taking care of family business.
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Reply to cwinter
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Ask for a copy of the community's rules. You should be allowed to "visit" for a couple of days to take care of business. Please keep your visit within the community's guidelines.
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if they’ve never seen you before they may not trust your motives for being there. People steal and take advantage of their elderly family members ALL. THE . TIME. Make sure you have your POA with you and be as transparent and friendly as possible. If they’ve never seen you visit before they may just be concerned about protecting the resident when a family member they don’t know is wanting to stay there without the resident present. When my dad moved into a 55+ place I went to the front office, introduced myself and made myself known to them. By the time there was a crisis, they knew who I was and gave me some leeway.
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Reply to Babs55
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If over 55 I'd have to think you have to follow protocol to live there as the POA, follow their rules which may require listing you as a resident. I do not believe the HOA can prevent you from living there if you are legally entitled to do so, over 55 and follow their rules as your mother has.
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Reply to Gnarley
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Ask for a copy of the lease/contract and see what it says about visitors. If she can never have overnight guests, for any reason, then you may have to go in the day time to search for what you need and spend the night somewhere else. It will all be addressed in the contract. I would think overnight visits with limitations of how many nights would probably be allowed, but who really knows and we can't speculate
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FloridaDD Jul 19, 2020
Places may allow overnight guests only when the host is there.  Big difference when host not there.  These over 55 places likely do not want young adults throwing parties, etc., and may be afraid of making exceptions.
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I agree look at the bylaws. You can't "live " there but you should be a guest at your mother's request. Staying for a few days is not living there.
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Reply to bestafk
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I live in a senior complex where I can't have anyone stay in my apartment overnight unless I'm here. In fact, they can't even be in the building unless I'm here. So I ran into a huge problem when I needed a cat sitter for three weeks. My friend wasn't even suppose to be in the building let alone spending the night. I had the friend come anyway just to feed her and check on her. It worked out as the Manager didn't catch on that she was coming in without me being in the apartment. But I was taking a chance of being kicked out for breaking my lease.
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Reply to whaleyf
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I live in an over 55 community. All differ in regulations. When signing contract, I asked about having a caregiver under 55 living with you. That was fine with my community manager. Younger caregiver does not have to be a relative where I live. Also we have visitors under 55 stay for short time, but can be over a month! Check with her community manager and read contract she signed.
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worriedinCali Jul 19, 2020
The OP isn’t trying to move in as a caregiver though.
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Given that the woman is very ill and needs care, I don't see how they can tell you that you cannot stay for. few days to handle the affairs. If you are kept out, are THEY GOING TO DO EVERYTHING THAT IS NEEDED? I doubt it. Have a medical statement from her doctor that you need .....days to care for her in her home before she is moved to a facility, etc. And don't broadcast it to the complex - just do what you need to do. Also check with an eldercare attorney so you are covered if the community gives you problems.
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worriedinCali Jul 19, 2020
I think you may have misunderstood the situation. This isn’t a case of the OP coming in to be a caregiver. Her mother is in the hospital. OP wants to stay overnight at her mother’s residence while her mother is in the hospital.
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My mother lived in an IL group with rules. The IL was half a mile from the on-road track when the Formula 1 car race was in Adelaide years ago (before Melbourne stole it), and it was really noisy. Many of the IL residents moved out for the duration. My mother did, and let my BIL, nephews and mates stay in the unit – wall-to-wall sleeping bags. Others did much the same. The residents and management all talked about it in advance. It was against the rules, but they all decided to let it go as long as everyone was well behaved. The visitors were gone all day, all partying was on the track, and they crept in and out of the flat. I think the guaranteed short duration was key, together with no history of things going wrong, plus resident agreement.
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MargaretMcKen Jul 19, 2020
Probably also it was a fairly small IL group. With 10,000 units, I can see why they might stick to the rules.
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jldennis: Imho, why don't you dismiss the thought of staying overnight in the "55 and older community" if it continues to be a perplexing problem and stay the night in a reasonable hotel in Largo, FL, e.g. Holiday Inn? I mean, if all else fails with staying at the facility, you could get the tasks taken care of during the day (assuming that the director lets you enter) at the facility and then go back to the hotel at night? Just a thought ...
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Just luv Cynthia. Former H O A President.😜
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Reply to EngineerTom
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Doesn’t her lease have a guests clause? My parents lived in a 55+ community in Florida and their lease allowed guests to stay up to 2 weeks. Often family comes from out of town and it isn’t like you are moving in to live there permanently. Ask to see where it says no guests may stay in the rules.
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cherokeegrrl54 Jul 25, 2020
my mom and i live n 55+ apt complex and it is n our lease that a guest can stay 14 days....wishing you good luck in finding all the things you need to help your mom...
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I am guessing that you are still working and would only be able to go to her place after work.  IF that is the case, ask the director if you can go to your mothers place after work but would be not staying overnight.  Try to get as much done as possible in the time you have before leaving.  And find out what time you would need to leave, would it be 11 pm?  Start in one room at a time and search, if nothing move on.  I wish you good luck.  I remember my brother and I having to search all over the house for paperwork that my dad had placed all around.  Neither of us stayed the night, but luckily it only took a couple days to find all that we needed.  My mom didn't know where half the stuff was cause dad took care of everything.  Good luck
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