If I can't show my Dad that this is his home, I take him for a drive. When we pull in the driveway he knows he is home. If I can't go for a drive right away I set chores that need to be done, so we can leave, bath, shave, eat breakfast, etc. . Somehow having one of my siblings tell him he is home helps too. When he is bat shit crazy, I get two of them to come help me. Thankfully it was a medication problem, and that craziness hasn't returned..
I acknowledge her need to go 'home'.... but will tell her it is too late to leave now, or anything else that works.... I always reassure her we have permission to stay in this house.... that the people that owned it knew she was tired and needed a good nights sleep..... I show her her bed, her nightgown, and then we are settled for a little while.... it is very common for those with Alz/dementia to want to go home...... it could mean anything.... she will even say that this house looks just like hers.... I hate this disease with a passion....
Part of the problem for caregivers around the nation is that there is not a REALISTIC portrayal of what Alzheimer's Disease is like in most of the print media, television media, or Internet. It is usually sugar-coated mild details about losing some of your memory about recognizing people, and rarely do the more difficult aspects of this disease ever get discussed. That is where this forum provides an invaluable service.
This is very common and same thing happened to my mother with Alzheimer's Disease. She lived at her house, but she wanted to go home. Nothing really changed that. Then her AD got worse and worse and after a while, I had to move her to my home. After a while, she repeated the behavior, she still wanted to go home. Like others, I realized that she meant her childhood home. She would think her mother and her other family (long since dead) were waiting for her. I would like to tell you there is something you can do. Not really. I have convinced her she lives here, but she forgets. I remind of things that mean something to her - like her pink bear on her bed. It helps a very little bit. Best thing to do is give her something to do to reduce her anxiety. I found taking her for a drive helps.
Perhaps you know this, but when my friend's mother was like that - she got out the door and bolted for the highway. They finally got her stopped, but she really got a head start on them.
What is really bad, is when you go ahead and move someone home and they still keep asking.
Well, don't do what I did when my husband kept asking to go home. I tried to convince him that he was home. I pointed to various objects and reminded him when we acquired them. I showed him that our pictures were in the scrapbooks. I got quite creative but none of it helped a bit. That was early in the dementia and I hadn't learned yet how pointless it is to reason with somebody who is losing the ability to reason.
Some theorists think the person is longing for an earlier home, perhaps from childhood. Others believe it is not a physical place at all, but they are wishing to be the way things were before the dementia -- they want to feel safe and normal and for things to make sense. They want to go "home."
If you can figure out what your wife is wishing for at any given "go home" request, that may give you clues about how to calm her. When the underlying need is as vague as "feel normal" that it a tall order! Perhaps you could respond with something like, "We can't leave just now -- there are clothes in the drier (or a roast in the oven or whatever) but let's sit down and have a nice cup of tea (or cookie or ice cream etc) and talk. Ask her what she likes best about "home." Agree with her. "Oh, yes, I like a cozy fireplace, too!" In other words, as the others have said, distract her. But kind of stay on topic, too, to show you respect her request.
Much later in his disease my husband came walking through the kitchen heading for the garage door with a little paper bag. I asked where he was going so late at night. He pointed to the door and said, "To catch a bus." I did not point out that our garage was not a bus terminal. I looked at the clock and shook my head sadly. "I'm afraid there are no more buses today. It will have to wait until tomorrow." "Oh dear!" he was distressed. "I'm so tired I just wanted to go home and go to bed." "Oh," I said sympathetically, "I am so sorry there isn't another bus. But I can take you to a nice place you can sleep tonight, and we work on getting you home tomorrow. You look very tired so sit here while I get your wheelchair." When I wheeled him into the bedroom he was delighted. "This looks just like my room!" I agreed and told him I thought he would like it. I helped him into bed. Of course the next day he didn't remember anything at all about needing a bus.
In this particular case "I want to go home." (I want to catch a bus to go home) meant I want to go to bed. If I'd argued that he was already home I never would have gotten to the solution.
If it is any comfort, the wanting to go home is VERY common in dementia. In our case it lasted a couple of months, and then came up again from time to time when he was overtired or overstimulated.
Good luck. And let us know how this goes for you. We learn from each other.
I get the same thing from my mom sometimes 20 times in 15 minutes. It is frustrating especially since she has been living in this house for more than 50 years. I do tell her many times that it is too far to go today, we will leave tomorrow. Naturally, she never remembers that though. IIfshe is tired I tell her get a good night sleep, and we are all too tired to go tonight.
I see from your profile that your wife asks to go home about 50x daily, and that she has dementia. Is she showing other signs of confusion about her location?
Sometimes you can actually pretend to go home by taking her to the car, driving around a little bit, then returning home. By then she may have refocused on other isues and not realize she's in the same place.
But 50x a day is a lot. Maybe you can tell her you're visiting that place and will be returning home later, then eventually do the short drive and return. It's possible though that she'll recognize the surroundings and realize she's in the same place.
Other things you can try to do is redirect her attention to something relaxing and which she enjoys. Perhaps put some music on, watch a light hearted tv program, go for a walk if she's able...just refocus on something else that will take her mind off going home.
You call the MD and make an appointment to find out if she has had a stroke or head injury that would cause this. You talk to the MD about medications and other options available, like visiting nurses.
What is really bad, is when you go ahead and move someone home and they still keep asking.
Some theorists think the person is longing for an earlier home, perhaps from childhood. Others believe it is not a physical place at all, but they are wishing to be the way things were before the dementia -- they want to feel safe and normal and for things to make sense. They want to go "home."
If you can figure out what your wife is wishing for at any given "go home" request, that may give you clues about how to calm her. When the underlying need is as vague as "feel normal" that it a tall order! Perhaps you could respond with something like, "We can't leave just now -- there are clothes in the drier (or a roast in the oven or whatever) but let's sit down and have a nice cup of tea (or cookie or ice cream etc) and talk. Ask her what she likes best about "home." Agree with her. "Oh, yes, I like a cozy fireplace, too!" In other words, as the others have said, distract her. But kind of stay on topic, too, to show you respect her request.
Much later in his disease my husband came walking through the kitchen heading for the garage door with a little paper bag. I asked where he was going so late at night. He pointed to the door and said, "To catch a bus." I did not point out that our garage was not a bus terminal. I looked at the clock and shook my head sadly. "I'm afraid there are no more buses today. It will have to wait until tomorrow." "Oh dear!" he was distressed. "I'm so tired I just wanted to go home and go to bed." "Oh," I said sympathetically, "I am so sorry there isn't another bus. But I can take you to a nice place you can sleep tonight, and we work on getting you home tomorrow. You look very tired so sit here while I get your wheelchair." When I wheeled him into the bedroom he was delighted. "This looks just like my room!" I agreed and told him I thought he would like it. I helped him into bed. Of course the next day he didn't remember anything at all about needing a bus.
In this particular case "I want to go home." (I want to catch a bus to go home) meant I want to go to bed. If I'd argued that he was already home I never would have gotten to the solution.
If it is any comfort, the wanting to go home is VERY common in dementia. In our case it lasted a couple of months, and then came up again from time to time when he was overtired or overstimulated.
Good luck. And let us know how this goes for you. We learn from each other.
Sometimes you can actually pretend to go home by taking her to the car, driving around a little bit, then returning home. By then she may have refocused on other isues and not realize she's in the same place.
But 50x a day is a lot. Maybe you can tell her you're visiting that place and will be returning home later, then eventually do the short drive and return. It's possible though that she'll recognize the surroundings and realize she's in the same place.
Other things you can try to do is redirect her attention to something relaxing and which she enjoys. Perhaps put some music on, watch a light hearted tv program, go for a walk if she's able...just refocus on something else that will take her mind off going home.
Is she on any meds for dementia?