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If she is cognitive, suggest a pad. Or blacknpants.
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You will gets lots of good advice here. It is sad when one starts to become incontinent. It has happened recently with my mother. She will only wear briefs for such now which is fine with me. It sounds that your wife is behaving somewhat petulantly regarding this. I truly do understand how difficult it is. Sadly it is a reality. I have had my mother seen and tested by a urologist. I would tell your wife that if she continues to refuse the Depends you cannot go to public places with her and that she will be embarrassing herself not to mention the hardship she may be putting on public places she is in when this occurs. Perhaps a cure can be found if she is tested but in the meanwhile she needs to wear the briefs that are for this problem. My 69 year old husband recently accepted that he had to wear them after a bladder biopsy. It certainly is not what he envisioned for himself at this stage of his life but he accepted the reality.
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I agree. I'd try to figure out what the cause is and have it treated, such as if it's a UTI, she may need antibiotics. OR, she may be having incontinence. Does she have dementia? If so, you'll just have to calmly ensure that she wears Depends and that they are changed regularly. You might tell her that the doctor says it's a good idea to ward off infections.

If she were thinking clearly, she would do better. So, if she's not, it's up to the caretaker to make sure it happens. At some point, the person with the cognitive decline can't make decisions like that, because, it's not in her best interest.
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Not sure what medical condition your wife has, or if she is able to drive and be independent, so my answer is if she’s not.
remove all her panties and replace them with depends so it’s her only choice to wear them. Once she’s use to them she will be ok. If she has dementia tell her it was her idea so she doesn’t get embarrassed in public when she has an accident. If that doesn’t work I would tell her you aren’t going out anymore until she wears protection from accidents. Prayer for you and God’s blessings as a caregiver.
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