Widowed Mom keeps picture displays from Dad's funeral up all over the house. Any advice?

One by one I would replace the pictures with happier ones. You have to move slow on this, but you can do it. One picture each day.

When my husband of 41 years died 11 years ago, my son and DIL made poster boards of pictures of his dad's life. I think that may be what this poster was talking about. I still have them intact, but we stashed them where they could easily be brought out if anyone wanted to see them (some of his family have appreciated them) but were not in anyone's face all the time. You might suggest that she do this--set some of them like file folders next to a piece of furniture, and leave the rest out and rotate them. The long-term goal is to have just one or two of them out at a time. Lots of people use a hallway as a photo gallery; if she's got an appropriate place, work with her to pick some for this. Maybe add some other family pictures as well--grandparents, kids, etc.

When I sold the house last year, my son took all the pictures and computer stuff home with him. He's an artist, and his wife is a photographer, and they're very computer savvy. The daughter I now live with found a nice slide projector at a yard sale recently, , and asked her brother to bring a box of our old slides when he came for Thanksgiving. It was fun looking at them, even if they had gotten out of order--and I enjoyed sorting and organizing them again. I'll have him bring another box when he comes for Christmas.
It's not easy to suddenly be alone--my issue at first was the quiet. I had the TV on most of the time just for noise in the house. Then when I had a friend live with me, and the TV quit, I didn't need it any more.

Wornoutdaughter, Time has passed and this will be the first holiday your Mom and you will have suffered the loss of your loved one.
I would like to recommend posting about your father on the thread:
"Love notes from caregivers who have lost someone", tell your story, how you are doing now-don't feel obligated at all. Hoping this helps anyone with their grief, and that soon any tears from their loss can eventually turn into tears of joy that one was able to know that person and survive the caregiving, as well as the loss of their family member. And, this is also for those with challenges with their person, whether they were loved or not.
My heart goes out to all of you caregivers this holiday season.
Love, from Send.

Maggie, I totally understand. It took me nearly 8 years to put my photos away. I had a fire and everything had to go to storage or the photos might still be up. I made copies of the photos and set up albums for each of the children of all of the Happy Photos. Now my sweet partner that came into my life after my husband died, is dying and my process is starting all over again. There will NEVER be another man in my life EVER. I cannot do this again. Give the mother a break

I wore my wedding rings for four years...then had a jeweler make a sparkly ring from the stoned and wear it all the time. It took me over a year to gather his clothes and donate them to charity. Cried my eyes out even then.

Losing a spouse, mine of 26 years, is world shattering. To bring closure yo my boo-hoo post right here, I'll also add that six years later, I found a wonderful man. We are very happy together.

For each, as others have said, there is a mourning process. No one should judge what we do. Most ESPECIALLY just four months into the loss of a spouse.

To those who understood where I came from with my earlier post, thank you very much.

she needs them right now. she won't always. if you give her frequent visits ane hugs, you will help her transition to nòt needing photos

Four months is nothing. One of the Hospice workers who is helping me with my Love, lost her husband 4 years ago and still wears her rings and has no plans to change the way she lives. She loved him very much. Maybe funeral pictures are a bit too much, but let her do her thing. I think someone here said that replacing these with living photos would be good, but that is HER decision,

This is your mom's way of remembering the Love of her life. Leave her alone with her thoughts and how she plays them out. It is her house, and you need to get over it. Sorry, but when my sweetheart leaves which will be any day now, his pictures will be everywhere. It will be part of my healing. If it takes 20 years so be it. You should be happy that your mother loved so much her man.

My Mom was the opposite. My Dad died when I was four. My Mom slowly got rid of any evidence of him. I guess it was too upsetting for her. I used to wonder why she never talked about him or had no pictures of him around but as I got older I understood a little better.

I agree with those on here who have said its your Mom's business how she wants to grieve. If it upsets you, you could voice that to her but not in a accusatory,critical way. Maybe just say "Hey Mom how come you still have Dad's pictures up" Her answer might surprise you.

Sendme2help, I could be wrong, but I think the pictures here are not OF the funeral, they are the pictures that were gathered of Dad to display AT the funeral. They are ordinary pictures, simply assembled to share moments of Dad's life with people who attend the funeral.

I agree with Vikki - her home and her grief. We all grieve differently. What comforts one disturbs another. I don't think we have any right to judge and interfere with any one else's grief process. I am speaking from experience here

worn out - my condolences on your loss. I know you are still hurting ((((((hugs))))

Wornout, Maggie did not mean get over the loss of your father - she meant get over your mom having pictures up. They probably comfort her; even though you wish they were not there, I think you probably should not try to take that away from her.

Sendhelp, That is a great idea! So sorry for your loss!

You say your Mom has Alzheimers. Invite some ladies over to help frame the photos, have a luncheon. Buy a beautiful box to place the funeral photos in. Be sure to frame some photos of you, Mom, and other family, placing them out so she can remember. Certain rituals or planned events can help all of us in the grieving process and create new memories. Take new pictures at the new gathering. You can do this, after getting some rest.

So sorry for your loss, WornOutDaughter.
Here is another perspective with regards to the funeral photos: There is a difference between pictures of Dad vs. pictures of the funeral. INMOP.
You can help Mom out by having a few good pictures of Dad placed in frames, telling Mom, we won't forget him. Put away the funeral pictures, a sad event to be sure. It is normal to grieve one's own way, but I've seen some unhealthy focus on death of a loved one, pictures of the deceased shared with everyone, for a very long time. Share pictures of when he was alive. I understand.
If we here in this community did not have MaggieMarshall posting, we would have no one posting the truth to shock us back to reality. Take what you want, and leave the rest. I am positive she did not mean just get over your Dad's death.

WornOut, do you know the reason behind wearing black arm bands and other outward symbols of mourning? It was really a warning to others -- "I've recently had a major loss in my life, and my emotions may not be stable." Been there, felt that!

You say that your mother is overly sensitive, and it appears you may be, too. That is OK -- give yourselves time and things will gradually arrive at a new normal. This is a tough period for you both.

Thank you, babalou and Garden Artist. Having lost my husband and finally lived through my life being torn apart...having lost a dad I dearly loved...and just recently a mom I loved to bits and pieces, I wouldn't change a word of my opinion.

I would offer an opinion about the poster's reaction, but I think she explained her perspective quite well.

Thank you both again.

I support Maggie and Babalou; they both make good observations and suggestions.

Wornout, you came here for opinions on how to handle this delicate situation. Maggie's advice seems no harsher than many others, including my own. You say that your mother is overly sensitive? Perhaps you should give some thought to your own tendencies.

"Leave her alone and get over it?" Thanks for your compassionate, heartfelt advice, MaggieMarshall. I hope you recognize sarcasm when you read it. You don't know me or my family. To the rest of you, thank you for your advice. And this is me, signing off. I come to this site for help, not criticism, rudeness, and indifference, but I won't any more. I've seen it happen to other posters but I don't need it.

It's mom's house. Leave her alone and get over it. If they're still up in a year, help her lovingly pack them away.

The loss of a spouse is devastating. Unless you've walked that path, you can't begin to understand the sense of loss one feels. You have lost a father. SHE has lost her whole life.

I've heard it said that the greatest gift parents can give their children is to love each other all of their lives. Sounds like you've been given that gift. Now give mom a precious gift back -- don't put your feelings over hers for the few hours you spend with her in her home. Let her grieve in her own way.

I wonder if she isn't happy, the way things are? It is her home. Maybe you need to take her out to the beautician and change up your routine, a little. Does she need you every day?

Give your mother the space she needs to grieve, in her own way. The photos are apparently bothering you, not her, and it is her house. Remember, she knew and lived with him longer than you and it will take her awhile to grieve in the manner she chooses. Just don't look at the photos.

I think the photos are upsetting you more than the fact that your mother has them on display. Perhaps you should also allow yourself more grieving time, in your own way. Give both of you space for this mourning process.

Perhaps buys her one of those digital picture frames might be helpful. What pictures I didn't have on my computer i took a picture of the favorite pictures then put them all in the digital picture frame. Really wasn't hard, you can edit once in your phone or computer then mom can see all the pictures everyday in one spot. I must be more like your mom because I didn't take them apart until about 3 months later but wasn't torturing myself by putting them back in the albums. Threw them all in a zip lock!

I wondering if you can say, perhaps over the phone, in a neutral tone, "mom, you let me know when you want some help getting those pictures of dad back into the albums" and leave it at that.

Thank you. She is so sensitive and will take what I say as a criticism so I have to be so careful. I just keep hoping she will say hey, can you help me get these photos back in the albums? It breaks my heart to see all those pictures every day. The pain is still too fresh for me.

If it bothers you, I think you could invite her to visit you at your house, or take her out for coffee.

I'm sorry that her method of mourning is not compatible with hers, and you are entitled to honor your own feelings about this. But please don't tell Mom how she should handle her feelings. Try to find a way to be together than suits you both.

At some point, not sty. Darn auto correct.