Widowed grandparent being sweetheart scammed. Is there anything I can do?

I don't have advice just a story to share. My grandmother died March 1989 at age 68. Within a few months, my grandfather met Diane. He just couldn't be alone. She was my mother's age, "white trash" everyone said, divorced with 5 kids and pets covered in fleas. She moved in with all the kids and fleas. They were married June 1990. He died February 1991. My grandfather's four kids each got $100. His new wife got the rest including the family home that he built with his own hands. This could be your grandfather's future. We couldn't do anything to stop it. We had to let it go.

$10,000 is a lot of money but not so much that it's out of reach of generous people. Start a Kickstarter fund drive. Ask grandpa for the money and tell him it's a matter of life and death! Do you live near a law school? Many law schools have family law or elder law clinics that you can use to get this scammer out of your grandpa's life.

Call the United States Senate Special Committee on Aging. Their website says that "If you or a loved one have been the victim of fraud, please contact us at 1-855-303-9470."

I agree with Ruthie that you should not let the Senior Center off the hook. Bad publicity is every town official's nightmare. If this woman's name doesn't appear on the records then the senior center director is lazy with the paperwork. I would want to know whether the director was hired after a thorough background check. Start asking town officials the hard questions - policy questions. You have the right to know whether the senior center really is a safe place and that everyone who works there checks out. Keep up the tremendous work, Support!!!

Another option...get some family therapy if possible. Anyone can go for almost any reason...the "issue" could be that the family misses the elder since this new person has come along. The therapist can help screen for elder abuse and sometimes having a professional make an APS report adds crediblity to the story. Discuss in the session about all these experiences. And mention your concerns in the initial phone call to the therapist.

Just occurred to me - is anyone in your family old enough to pretend to be in a lonely situation, i.e., to draw the attention of the scout? If so, then you'd be able to get more information on these people and how they operate, but going undercover could be dangerous.

What would be great is if the police set up a sting operation.

Support, seems like the initial contact was the "scout", and the scammer was called in to close the deal. The work in tandem, with the scout identifying the potential mark.

This is just so disgraceful. I'd love to see them caught and exposed.

Use Facebook also. And, did the OP say that the senior center called to say this woman was a scammer? So what if they think the issue is closed. Press charges on THEM for patient neglect. You went back to them for help and they wrote it off...they are not paying attention to your family, or frankly, to the craziness of the woman doing the scamming. Not good. Also, what about changing the locks on the door of the house and installing some kind of home video recorder to catch her in action? You can get his consent for this escpecially since he says everything is ok. And tell her the house is being video monitor. Yes report fraud to section 8, her landlord, medicaid, etc. They will be all over it looking for unreported assets. Hope it resolves soon, and safely!

I also wanted to note that when I spoke with the City Human Resource [those funding the senior center], they have no record of this woman attending. I have a strong suspicion that there is an accomplice. When grandpa first met this scammer, he had first met her friend at the senior center. After some time chatting, the friend said [quote], "You must meet my friend". She then called her and within minutes, she was at the senior center.

Sorry, that should have been "actual" notice.

My point was that the officials have been made aware that this woman is using the Senior Center as hunting grounds, has found at least one victim, but the officials have failed to take action to prevent her activity.

There used to be a level of liability difference between actual and constructive notice, with the former raising the level.

Well, at least issuance of the Bench Warrant and her arrest will be reflected in her criminal record. If you happen to know when your father will be at the Senior Center, and when she'll be there, tip off the police so she can be arrested in front of others.

I wasn't aware a Bench Warrant was issued though for a civil judgment; it's been years since I've had any experience with one, but I thought that civil judgments could be entered with the defendant in absentia, and a true copy just sent to him/her, just as a Default Judgment would be handled.

Bench Warrants to the best of my knowledge are issued for failure to appear in response to a Subpoena or some criminal action.

Another possibility: get a copy of the civil Judgment as well as the pleadings (or have your attorney do it) to see what the civil case was about. You may have to go all the way back to the original Complaint.

If it's for scamming (i.e. a suit by another victim), you've hit paydirt. Copy the complaint, judgment and send it to the Senior Center and anyone in charge at the city/county level.

You might try pulling a legal maneuver on them, after discussing first with your attorney, and advise them (assuming that the suit is for some financial victimization) that they have "constructive and active notice" that this woman who's scammed before is being allowed in the Senior Center, using their premises to identify at least one victim, and that their failure to prevent her access could affect their liability if they're providing and allowing her to use the Center as a place to identify victims.

It might be a stretch, so check with your attorney first. But municipal officials can tend to be more concerned if their actions or inactions are on the line.

Maybe it's also time to anonymously send a copy of the pleadings you obtain (as well as a copy of the Bench Warrant if it's filed before she's located and commandeered) to the local news stations, with information on having contacted various governmental entities that haven't done anything.

I would, however, not contact the swindler's family yourself. You don't know whether or not these people are violent.

Much as I detest Facebook, this is one case in which it's been helpful. It's also hard to imagine anyone who's a scammer being so stupid as to post information about her activities online in a social media site, but then, thank God for stupid people.

The more and more I read about this topic, the more I understand how FREQUENT this is. A previous comment mentioned the psychology behind why men struggle. When this fraudulent women came into his life less than 2 months after grandma's passing, the family was puzzled! We were [and still are] mourning grandma. We didn't understand how he could move on! And so fast! So I called up a psychiatrist friend so said this isn't uncommon and the quicker it happened, the more they [widower] is hurting. My grandpa has always been so dependent on grandma to do everything! So when swindler walked into the situation and took over, he just let her. It was a diversion from his pain and a relief from all of these new responsibilities that in 84 years that he never had to do.

UPDATE ON OUR DIY INVESTIGATION -
Oh Facebook. I am thankful for people with public profiles. We have located the swindlers entire family!! All of her children and grandchildren. We even have an address! But no current phone numbers. Our next plan is to contact them.

We met with a lawyer who estimates this process of obtaining guardianship at a minimum of $10K. DANG. That's out of reach. However, he ran a quick report on this woman and she has an open and active court civil judgement for $3100. She never showed up to court for it and now has a warrant!! We are calling the police today. Now, I realize that when she gets picked up, Grandpa will bail her out. And probably pay her fine. So we are strategically planning a way on how to handle this that will get him back on "team family" and not "team scammer".

Also, we spoke with the senior center, police [prior to knowing about the warrant], the department of human services and APS. No one will do a darn thing about this. This is beyond frustrating. I wrote to the DOJ and FBI last week too but of course have heard nothing.

The police involved was difficult until our lawyer called and talked to the chief, reminding them that this is like a lost child case. She had stage 3 ALZ diagnosis, was under guardianship, and incapable legally or otherwise , to make any significant personal, medical, or financial decisions. This guy had to return my MIL or was looking at kidnapping or exploitation of an elderly person charges. We took the opportunity to issue the criminal trespass order, too, when he returned to the property. This enabled us to have him arrested if he was ever to return again. It was a long road to helping her, but if the other 4 siblings hadn't unified with us to help her, it easily could have gone very badly.

We dealt with a scammer like this. An elderly man who was taking financial advantage of my MIL. It took my husband and I moving in with her and kicking him out and changing locks to get him out of the house to start. My husband got POA and guardianship without too much drama. She wanted her oldest son to help her anyway. The guy had already tapped out her savings. His goal was really the house. His idea was to get married to her and secure his right to the community property, then sell the house and liquidate the asset (then probably leave) . He tipped his hand when he came to visit and she left her house voluntarily with him. What he didn't know is that she had no legal capacity to marry. And finally the local police were able to find her and help her be returned home. Getting the

contact the Dr Phil show. He loves to blow up scams like this, especially against the elderly.

Good question, NYDaughterinLaw,
What I have observed, fortunately most of them burn themselves out after a few months or years of agony for the family. But some result in disastrous late in life marriages These scammers aren't only at senior centers. They attend funerals of people they barely know, work as receptionists at investment businesses, and troll bereavement groups.

Has anyone been successful at stopping a sweetheart scam? If yes, please let us know the steps you took.

Magdalena, I was thinking that not publishing an obituary wouldn't alert potential criminals or scammers, but the fact that word does get out by people who do know is an important point to consider. That's a good consideration to remember, especially in my case as there are some who would otherwise be aware of the situation who have big mouths.

There is no surviving spouse in this case.

JoAnn, I think you're right; I do think men are more vulnerable when their wives dies first - wives really can hold a family together and provide support which men may not realize until they're gone. That's not a criticism, just perhaps the way things are.

I agree. If the seniors know this than the Administrator shouldbe informed and her banned. My GFs father fell for a lady at Church after his wife died. He was ready to get married TG she wasn't. Men don't do well after wives die.

I'm not sure about FBI or any fraud agencies. It happened in 1997. One could hope they tripped up and got caught if they lured another victim. It was determined they may have been lurking around my husband's other aunt and learned about the uncle through her. Both the aunt and the uncle had no children of their own and were very resistant to advice and help from the nephews. Despite their limitations, they were considered legally competent so there was little we or their attorneys could do but warn them.

I'm not sure withholding funeral obituaries would help in the long run. Word gets out. Surviving spouses meet new people. The only real legal protection that I know of is an irrevocable trust. However that is an understandably difficult decision for many elders to make.

What great conversation, thank you. My dad met a female after my mum died through a dating agency, she's only a few years younger than him, he's 90. He has been unwell for several years. This female refuses to do any personal care, shopping or anything useful as far as I can see but spends his money like water! An apartment, a car, setting her nephew up in business! When he was diagnosed with bowel and liver cancer, she suggested a nursing home (all heart). I got him home and moved in with him, he still gives her money, lots! It does cause problems as he doesn't pay me. I have informed GP's, Macmillan etc but there doesn't appear to be anything I can do. Shortly I will have to go back to work and I'm very fearful of what will continue to happen.

Magdalena, that must have been so frustrating and devastating for your family. These people clearly were accomplished crooks; it sounds as if they have a method and scenario worked out from significant practice.

Without prying or making you feel uncomfortable, I'm wondering if the FBI was informed, or any national task force on fraud? I suspect these people may move from town to town or even state to state, and unless there's a pattern detected by multiple law enforcement departments or at state and national level, they could get away with their activities for some time. I'm guessing they change their names as often as they change their locations.

Frustrated and your posts have been very sad and unsettling, but also insightful and helpful, and have helped me make a decision that I've been considering, which is not to print obituaries in newspapers or online, and specifically make it a part of any funeral contract I sign that there will be no public notification. I might even require that posting of the funeral in the funeral's website be withheld.

The people who need to know are ones I'll be contacting anyway, there can be a memorial sheet of relevant facts for attendees, and no one who isn't contacted need be aware of empty houses of relatives on the funeral day, empty house of the deceased, or who any of the relatives are.

Yes the police were notified as well as Adult Protective Services. The series of events happened so quickly and were quite a bit more detailed than what I wrote. These parasites are everywhere and lay in wait for every opportunity. I would imagine someplace like a senior center is as good a place as any to hunt their prey.
We (the victim's two nephews and families) tried to intervene as best we could from out of state. Both my husband and his cousin made multiple trips to try to help. But legal efforts came too late. The vermin disappeared and were never caught. They left him almost destitute and he died soon after. The uncle's estate was worth about $300K.

Magdalena, thanks for sharing this horrifying story. This is really frightening.

I'm wondering now if Support's GF is in contact with only one of a group of scammers. Raises a lot of new questions.

But I am sorry to learn that your family was victimized by scammers. That must have been so frustrating. Did the police ever get involved and were any of these people ever caught?

I've just been reminded of some families who do this, moving around to keep out of law enforcement's radar.

These scammers are despicable. This happened with an uncle in my husband's family as well. In the end they took everything. Many excellent suggestions in previous posts. Glad you and the family are trying every angle of attack.

One thing I did not see mentioned. These scammers often work in groups. There is often an enticing person who endears him or her self to the victim. They may work in cahoots with some one who knows how to quickly manipulate financial and legal information stolen from the victims. They are pros. In the case in our family they were on the scene mere days after the uncle was widowed. We were immediately suspicious and even contacted an attorney, but the uncle and his late wife's sister trusted this group who called themselves a church. This group quickly arranged for a housekeeper/caregiver who the uncle fell for within weeks. Long story short, the uncle was wiped out within a few months and died not long after. The scammers had already disappeared.

Trust no one involved with that woman. Track down and investigate her family and even her friends at the senior center. Good luck!

NYDIL, good suggestions, especially the idea of a party for Grandma.

Just one comment on precautions if Support puts up flyers: don't include anything disparaging as given this woman's aggressiveness, she might turn around and take actions against the family on the basis of libel and/or character defamation. She seems aggressive enough to turn something around against someone and profit from it.

Support, I don't to heighten your anxiety level, but I have a concern about GF's changing of the locks. If he doesn't have a lock box, and anything happens to him that requires emergency treatment, none of the family or even emergency responders would be able to get access without breaking in.

Or perhaps that's part of the Black Widow's plan. I'm not intending to be maudlin or add additional levels of anxiety, but, honestly, every time I think about this post it really bothers me that someone can go after someone and block out family contact so completely. This woman is some kind of determined criminal.

I keep thinking of the movie of the same name; in that case the BW changed her hair color, name, and created fictitious backgrounds every time she found a new mark.

I'm wondering if the Senior Center Black Widiw has a criminal history in other states.

You are doing a mitzveh, a good deed. And the old saying goes no good deed goes unpunished.

Did your grandpa properly revoke the POA? Did he do it in writing, have it signed by you in front of a notary public, and have it delivered to the attorney and third parties? I'm not an attorney but I know it's not as easy as just tearing up the paper.

I can't believe that HE changed the locks. Maybe he PAID for it but I cannot imagine that it was your grandpa's idea. Regardless - what's done is done. Now we have to figure out ways to help you get inside his house again or to get him out of the house long enough to talk some sense into him.

A few ideas. Throw a party in memory of grandma. Maybe that will snap him out of it and bring him back to his senses. Surely he wouldn't bring her to it and if he did it's the perfect time to have a family intervention.

The town owns the senior center? Write a Letter to the Editor of your local newspapers and tell them your story and how unhelpful officials have been at helping you protect grandpa.

Make flyers and post them all over town - at the grocery store, dry cleaners, hardware store, library, liquor store - with HER face on it asking if anyone knows this woman to call you. Send the flyer to senior centers in neighboring townships because she probably travels within a certain radius to find her victims. While you're at it, send the flyer with a letter to John Walsh, the host of America's Most Wanted.

Is there anyone at the police station you can talk to even if it's just to get a referral to a private investigator?

Is grandpa religious? Was grandma religious??? If so, ask them to help you reach out to grandpa.

You can do all these things while starting the process of going to the courts to get custody. Even if you lose it will eat up a lot of time and bring a lot of unwanted scrutiny to them both and maybe she'll move on.

You're doing the right thing. Don't give up - even if grandpa gives up on you. Keep up the great work!!!!

Thank you! I haven't thought about going through the political route. However, I did contact the DOJ with my frustration and lack of support on this. No response from DOJ as of yet. Case and Point - I heard back from the director of Human Services for the city that manages the senior center and they will be sure the account is "noted of the incident." They said they have no record of her ever attending the Senior Center, which is a red flag to me, and recommended I call the police. Again, the route has already been exhausted. I contacted the FBI today.

Meanwhile at Grandpa's, he has changed all the locks on his house. I believe 'she' either convinced him and/or his paranoia/delusions are increasing. He really needs to see a doctor.

Way to go! Good for you. Going up the chain of command apparently is necessary, especially since this woman appears to be a serial scammer.

I'm wondering if there are any elections in the city this year. Elder fraud might be an interesting topic to address in someone's platform.

I don't know what fraud charges might be different given that she's an individual serial predator, but just to throw out a suggestion... the RICO Act (Racketeer Influenced Corrupt Practices Act) has been used by the Feds to go after serial criminals (read mobsters) and has, I understand, also been expanded to similar crimes. It's my understanding that some individual criminal acts became difficult to prove, but RICO addresses serial crimes, committed as part of a "pattern of crimes." Seems to fit this woman.

And congratulations for pursuing this issue; I think it can be frustrating to be met with such intransigence by people who should be concerned.

The Senior Center is owned by the city. I have contacted the director of Human Resources regarding this situation and the probability of other victims at the center as well. We suspect at least two others were scammed.

Well, so much for APS, yet if it were her family who were doing this, they'd probably be all over you with harassment and menacing charges.

I think there's a fine line between being snowed by a scammer and not being able to determine that a scam is taking place. Maybe it is time for guardianship.

One other thing you might try is to have GP ask her how she plans to take care of him if/when he becomes unable to walk, is incontinent, and needs 24/7 care.

Maybe you can even leverage that concept - create a document for her to sign to agree to provide care for him and ask him to have her sign it. Maybe if you explain that you and the family won't be able to do this if his funds are given away, so he'll have to rely on her.

I honestly wouldn't believe anything this woman says, including that she's allegedly resolved her tax earnings. As a good, honest citizen, I think there's still an obligation to report what you may believe is fraud against the government - that's a realistic way of viewing the situation.

I'd be pretty ticked off at the senior center management. Passivity if not blind eye are the terms I would use.

You know, there will come a time when he needs physical assistance, and I'm guessing she isn't even going to be there to take him to a doctor or ER. But he needs to see this for himself. Sometimes that painful moment is the wake-up moment.

Thanks for the update, and please keep us posted. And yes, go for the PI. Maybe one of the local police officers can recommend one.

This whole thing makes me just sick. We contacted APS yesterday. They were very quick to call Grandpa and ask him various physical competency questions such; can you walk? Can you cook? Can you drive? ect. They quickly determined he is capable of caring for himself and that's pretty much where it ends. the social worker at APS said that we NEED to find a way of obtaining guardianship. Grandpa won't go to any more drs appointments as he believes we are all out to get him (I partially blame her brainwashing and also suspect the onset of dementia as well). He and grandma were always very well prepared and had put in place POA on all their assets years ago. But about a month ago, he revoked it all.
About her finances, she brings in $1600 a month (pension?) and after bills, she has $600 remaining which she uses for gambling as she has told grandpa. From what we understand, coming from her, is that she has resolved all tax issues. I did find a form online with the IRS to report tax fraud (IE - unreported gambling wins). Grandpa feels threatened by his family's intervention. I am feel it just pushes him more closer to her. We've threatened her but she won't budge. She has a firm mental grip on him. We make attempts to help him but it always escalated and in the end, she wins. She revealed her cards. She has convinced him that his family is no good for him. we spoke with the director of the senior center in full detail yesterday. They are very passive and say they will 'keep a lookout for her'. I like the suggestion of reaching out to the financial contributors. This is an issue and other seniors there are aware of it. On two accounts, she has been described as a money chaser/scammer/gold digger by attendees at the center.
We told grandpa that if he just stopped giving her money, she'll go away eventually. But, he won't. I told the family that maybe they need to have a whole family intervention with him: Choose Your family or her. But I know, it's going to be hard for them (his children particularly) to 'lose' another parent. They really are still grieving hard for her loss. It was exactly a year ago yesterday that we found out about her brain tumor:-(
I pulled up court records on her yesterday. Only speeding tickets found under one name. I'll really like to find her children! Reason 100 for a PI. On to find the senior center financial contributors...........