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My grandpa, 84 yo, recently lost his wife of 61 years to an aggressive brain tumor in March 2015. We had some time, 3 months, before her passing to help assist grandpa with getting up to speed with household management as grandma handled everything household related.


Within a month after her passing, grandpa met a woman at the senior center and after one visit, she quickly became a regular household visitor. Grandpa would take her to expensive restaurants several times a week which was very uncharacteristic of his financial expenditures. It was within a week of their meeting that he was confronted and warned by someone at the senior center of her money scheming intentions. But grandpa, deathly afraid of being all alone, refused to take heed. Needless to say, the family is not happy at all.


Fast forward 5 months, she is at his residence every day. She has requested he buy her glasses, take her on vacations, buy her a new car, take her gaming (and give her money to gamble because "she is luckier at the casino when she gambles with other's money") and she recently asked him to add her to his checking accounts. We've done a little research on her background and found she has a gambling addiction, previous troubles with unpaid taxes, SEC8 housing, and a bad reputation for being a swindler. She has convinced grandpa that his family is awful and only wants his money. He has met with a lawyer and revoked his children's financial access. From what we can tell, he's out a minimum of $40K in 5 months without any explanation of where the money has gone.


Lawfully, there is nothing the family can do about this as he is willing giving money to her. While we, the extended family, can clearly see her true intentions, Grandpa desperately doesn't want to be alone so gives in to all of her requests. He has stopped taking his medications and refuses to see a doctor. Soon, we imagine, he'll stop taking our phone calls as well as she has convinced him that his family is no good.


While he is quickly loosing his entire life savings, we feel like we are losing the patriarch of our family.


Is there anything we can do?

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What I would do in this particular case is call Dr. Phil right away, who handles these types of matters very successfully with positive results and happy endings. She may not see that money again if it cannot be retrieved, but then again under the right conditions you just never know. Definitely get Dr. Phil involved, I'm very pleased at how he handles these types of matters. What you're describing actually sounds like cat fishing according to his terms but I've followed his shows and specifically this type of matter and was very pleased at how they end when the person being scammed finally sees the real truth and makes a change for the best. These types of scams have been carefully investigated. You would also be surprised that a good many of these scammers are in Nigeria/use bogus addresses that don't exist. This is very similar to what some people do when trying to avoid being found such as what happened in my old childhood neighborhood. Sometimes people who have committed a crime or some other form of wrongdoing will use bogus addresses/fake names to avoid being found and punished, fraudsters are notorious for this
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Oh, Support4gpa, such a sad saga. That woman is the scum of the earth. My heart goes out to you.
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What a terrible situation! Thinking about you and sending hugs.
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One thing for sure will happen=his money will run out! Unless this gold-digging woman hits it big at the casino, of which chances are slim.
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Also, the lawyer said that you can pretty certainly predict that once his case assets are diminished, she will obtain a reverse mortgage to get more cash. Yikes! It only gets worse.
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UPDATE: We met with a lawyer experienced in cases like these. He said it's a tough and expensive battle ahead. It's not uncommon in cases like this where dealing with a scammer/gambler will spend all assets, gambling up to $100K a month. We can legally purse a court mandated medical exam proving dementia at the time of marriage ($10K-15K) then pursue guardianship but this would need to prove her gambling expenditure and ill intentions. It can be done but isn't an easy feat since casinos will not share the information directly. This needs to be pursued through third parties. We'd have to battle for guardianship which she will surely fight, thus, increasing legal costs. Families can spend $60k - 100k in legal fees during this time. The reality is there is no assets remaining on the end to recoup your legal fees so you are out of your own cash assets. He may only have 2 years left of his life. If we pursue it, we would certainly lose 100% contact during the time. And hey, he'll be broke and may not even know who we are at that point. Therefore, we have no choice but to watch as this leech extorts all of his money. It's a really sad outcome.
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OMG that is horrible that they secretly got married!! How sad for you and your family to know what is going on but be helpless to stop it. It sounds like you have tried everything you could think of and reached nothing but dead ends. But if the house is a mess as you said, couldn't you get APS to go in and inspect and maybe find it unsuitable for him to be living in those conditions? I don't know what else to say, other than I feel for you and what you are going through.
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UPDATE: It has been two years and the outcome is no better. Grandpa still has the funds available to give her money to gamble daily. In fact, he recently took $26K on the trip to the casino. He will be turning 87 soon and has obvious signs of dementia. However, he has removed everyone from his health directive and POA so we cannot get an official diagnosis from the doctor. We only have our observations. Also noteworthy, he and his girlfriend held a secret wedding last month. He told me he purchased her a 3 carat $36K diamond ring. And she is very actively changing her name on all of his assets.I predict that as soon as she has finished, she will not longer let him talk to his family. Currently, she lets the family call him (while she is listening on the other line) or coaching him on what to say. But she won't allow any family to come into the house. From what we can see, it's a terrible mess inside. She is not a caretaker. She is a scammer. She is funneling money from his accounts into 3 new accounts she opened with addresses listed at her sister's address. The worst part is we (the family) cannot say anything to him because he is convinced his family is 'out to get his money' as she has instilled into his mind. It's all very sad. We have a consultation with a new lawyer next week. Crazy to think there is very little we can do.
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Support4Gpa, how is your situation progressing? Any new developments? Did you ever contact Medicare and if so did they offer any help? Sad that there is so little help for this very common problem. Seems like you have done everything you could possibly do to stop the financial exploitation of your grandfather. Hope things have improved in your situation since your last post in December.
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2nd Best - THANK YOU for sharing your story. I am truly sorry for all you have gone through with your predator sister. I like your suggestions with contacting Medicare as I had not thought about their position in this. It's definitely worth a try. We were not able to get anywhere with local law enforcement, FBI, State Health Department, the Senior Center, Adult Protective Services nor directly with grandpa. He avoids the doctors. I truly believe he has the onset of dementia but if it becomes a diagnosis, then we can get a POA without a huge battle. I think he knows this.
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Sorry, Support4Gpa...I just noticed in your post that it is your grandfather you are writing about, not your father. Also noticed he is 84. Although I had read yours and all the posts on this thread, those two details I had forgotten, so sorry for the errors in my previous comment, but there is no way for me to edit it.
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How sad for you and your family, Support4Gpa. I can give you a little insight from the predator's side of the fence. My sister, who I have concluded is an undiagnosed sociopath, (lying, conning, manipulating parasite) has preyed upon old men over the past several years. She is about 60 now, and has been latching onto old men since she was about 40. She's very secretive, so I have limited info about what she did and how she did it, but her "relationships" always end with her trying to keep valuables that the men "gave" her. She fights the demands to return the items, but after some time she ends up returning them, and I suspect they have threatened her with lawsuits to get her to comply.

One of the men had "given" her all of his mother's valuable jewelry which my sister proudly wore during the "relationship". After the breakup she refused to give him the jewelry back, but in the end she did - I think she was forced to, threatened with legal action. Then her next conquest was widower that owned an apartment complex, so she moved in with him and took advantage of the free room and board. After a couple years under his roof she secretly became involved with a doctor on the side that was in the early stages of Alzheimer's. She eventually dumped the apartment owner and went full-time with the doctor. He looked like a better prospect apparently - they ate in only the fanciest of restaurants and she traveled all over the world accompanying him on his "conferences". He collected valuable art, and "gave" her a few paintings that she hung in her apartment. This apartment she kept was to appease my parents, as she really lived with the doctor but rented an apartment so as not to look like the skank that she truly is. You see, that was important to her because her next victims were to be her own parents, who she talked into appointing her executor and trustee of their estate. It's such a long story and I'm trying to be brief here, but back to the new boyfriend - after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's she continued to be his signif other. My mother used to tell me my sister was well-provided for in an "agreement" she had with the old man. I think she told my parents that to make them believe my sister was not after their money, which was approx $1Million, since she was supposedly set to inherit all this money from the doc. The Doctor had two daughters in their late 30's, one that he had given POA to several years prior, and they thwarted my sister's master plan by secretly swooping in one day - out of the blue while she was at work - and told their father they were taking him to a doctor's appointment, but they instead took him to an Alzheimer's care facility and checked him in. My sister had no idea they were going to do this, and although she was very much against it there was not a thing she could do about it. He died a year or two later in the facility, and his daughters got everything. I believe they did this to pull their dad's estate out from under my sister's control and influence and lock her out of his assets. I believe she was spending on his credit cards for quite some time - I witnessed her shopping using his cards many times. After his death they demanded his paintings back and she of course resisted, but in the end she gave them back. Nothing like a little legal pressure to get her to do the right thing.

Anyway, never to be alone, she had a new "love" already lined up before the doctor was checked into the home. He looks like she found him under a bridge, but he has "...a very wealthy aunt in NY" I am told (by my mother). I forgot to mention that I haven't spoken to my sister since my father died 8 years ago - another long story. So now she concentrates on my parents' estate and since his death she has total control of our mother. The first thing she did was got her name added to our mom's bank accounts. Next she got our mom to gift her $30k for a downpayment on a house - poor thing had never owned a house before. Then the house needed a new kitchen remodel, so she got that paid for as well. Together she and our mom dissolved the Trust that our dad had set up and accompanied her to the lawyer to redraft her will. None of the rest of us have any access to any documents, so she is the only one of four sibs that knows the terms of the will. Together, she and our mom liquidated the mutual funds our dad had in a brokerage account and got our mom to buy two annuities in her early 80's from the "nice" financial advisor at her bank, locking up about $500k. One is a 7 yr maturity, the other is 10 yr. Nobody except my sister knows who is listed on the beneficiary page of those documents, including our mom. She, as one could expect an 80 yr old to do, signed them without reading them, and until she asked me to read them several months later, she had no idea she had bought TWO annuities! So I read them over but never did see a beneficiary page, so not sure if my sister removed that before I was shown the documents.

Anyway, I could spend days laying out the whole saga, but you get the idea. It gets boring after a while. Maybe one thing you can try is to get POA and then you will be able to call the shots for your father. I forgot how old you said he is, but if it's not too late that may be something you could try to pursue. I thought my sister's old man's daughters were pretty slick in the way they swooped him out from under her without even his hired nurses knowing what was going down, and were able to keep her from hijacking their family estate. I totally empathize with the pain you have been going through, Support4Gpa but these kinds of predators are good at what they do. Your dad is definitely a victim of elder financial exploitation and you know who just might be interested? The medicare and medicaid people because this woman is essentially "spending down" his assets and he will eventually end up dependent on their services for his care as a result. So they might just do something about it, or be able to advise you and offer some ideas and resources you haven't already tried. Hugs and best of luck to you and your family. I know very well the hurt you feel .
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We did a lot of Facebook research. I wasn't able to find her but I found her entire family all the way down to grandchildren. I spoke with grandpa yesterday. He is going to now sell his properties and he and this woman are moving across the country to, of all places, a gambling city. He's convinced his family is no good. Coincidentally, a friend of my mother's spotted this woman at the casino yesterday. She was playing 3 slots at once and playing $10 pulls. WOW. She spends well over 40 hours a week at the casino now. We suspect Grandpa has lost TONS of money but he's not communicating with the family so we can't really tell. I am pretty sure this is the end of this relationship:-(
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I would hire the investigator, or get as much info as I could from public records. Arrest records, marriages, divorce, etc. Lots of stuff on facebook too. I found out that a renter of my dad's (an apt. on dad's property) was putting pictures of dad and him on facebook with the caption "Our ranch, Smith Ranch" and "yeah, we're the bosses" and then had conversations with his friends about how much stuff my dad had and how it was all "under the radar". Don't know what that meant but we evicted him asap, showed him the pages I printed off facebook and they left. Show all this "evidence to grandpa" and try to convince him she is a user. But, I agree that you need to replace this woman with someone else trust worthy. If his family lives far away it is tough.
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Thanks again for your advice. I talked with the family about the upcoming upcoming holiday. While everyone is so full of emotions, I said it would be best to make grandpa feel as welcomed as we can at Thanksgiving. He needs to see his family is here and have a taste of what good times we've had together. He declined the offer and is spending Thanksgiving with his new 'girlfriend'. My mother and her siblings feel really rejected by his actions. It's hard. But, as a previous poster mentioned, at least he's happy. But is he?
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You've got to start someone, Bethany.
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Sometimes it's not that simple as employing a legal person? My 90 yr old end of life dad and his 84 yr old non live in girlfriend have now finally asked me to leave them. I had temporarily moved in to care for my dad, he made a marvellous recovery but the bowel and liver cancer has Metatastised in his lymphatic system. I have never met such a determined and jealous woman, he doesn't need the stress and I have to respect his wishes. His GP, Macmillan and Solicitor are completely aware if what's going on, he has no official diagnoses of dementia. However over the months, after being with him 24/7 I definitely feel there are anger and memory issues.
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Hire an attorney so that this "gold digger" woman can be taken to court.
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It IS sad, but you can take some consolation in the fact he has a companion and seems to be enjoying his new life. When his health declines I'm sure she will be out of there like a shot and family will be left to pick up the pieces. The inheritance will be gone, but if he ever needs a nursing home it would have been gone anyway. Try not to be too bitter when that time comes, after all these scammers know all the buttons to push to worm their way into someones affections and isolate them from family.
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Grandpa is one step away from losing his family. You can't call him without her picking up a receiver and listening in. We can't get time with him without her involvement. As mentioned before, she forwards his phone number to her cell phone. It's bad. And really disappointing. And sad.
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Hi! We don't have much of an update. Grandpa has been telling an awful lot of lies lately to keep every appeased. But, it just makes it more discouraging for us to help him. Before Grandma died, she expressed her concerns about not having anyone to 'take care of Grandpa' and we told her we would. Lately, it feels like we have to try really hard to keep that promise.
We spoke with the courthouse and they said the previous civil warrant is no longer active. We opened an investigation with the local police department. We even opened a personal ad for Grandpa to help him 'move on' from this woman. He's not interested. Quite frankly, we feel defeated. He now takes this woman to the casino about 5 days a week!! We were going to contact her children about her 'gambling habit' which we knew would bother her that we knew of her children but that hasn't worked out well. We can't find any working phone numbers. I've focused my energy on building a community garden in grandma's name.
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I am wondering what is up! Hope things are better!
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Seek an attorney.
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and I know too much Garden!! My mom and dad went to Atlantic City every month,, and they were "compt" all the time... knew everyone there! But they played slots mainly. They always got free rooms and food. Now that Mom lives with me, it;s local only! And I was never a casino person. But you live and learn. Now Hubs and I have to take mom and aunt every 6 weeks or so. We go along and spend a few bucks.. but Mom and Aunt still drop some cash! And we have never been able to play on credit.. or Mom and Aunt. (and they could afford to...LOL )
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Pam, thanks for the explanation. I had visions of sitting at the tables with piles and piles of chips and the stakes rising higher and higher. Guess you can tell I don't go to casinos!
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As to the casino issue.. at thier age they are probably playing the slots.. not high end table games. And none of the casinos we take mom and aunt to take "credit" inless you are a really high roller. Even at the table games. Its cash on the machine or table. So they really don;t have to worry about them oweing the casino money.. it;s Gpas bank account that will take the hit.
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I don't know that a casino would willingly turn away business, but you could try contacting them, briefly explaining the situation without revealing enough that they perceive you're interfering, and ask them if they can ban her from entry.

You might also explain that she's using your GF's money and he's almost broke (whether he is or not) and that as a family you would intervene to ensure that he's not held responsible for this woman's debts, and her gambling debts (if any) would likely remain unpaid.

Maybe if the casino managers think she's going to run up debts that won't be paid, they'll think twice.

Since he doesn't want to "sit home and stare at the walls", can you create a program whereby members of your family take him someplace different on a regular basis, even if it's just out to lunch? It might help break the hold this woman has on him.

And even though I think this is underhanded, it might be worth it: when someone has him out for awhile, get security cameras, voice activated if that's possible, to monitor her when she comes to his house. You may get evidence of her asking him for money.

Honestly, I'm not sure it's legal, but it might be used to "convince" her to leave him alone as well as to let her know you mean business. This woman seems to be very, very determined.
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Zombie - thank you for sharing your story. This is exactly my fear and what fuels the whole family to continue the fight. I really love one of the recent suggestions regarding counseling for Grandpa and the added benefit of knowing they are a mandatory reporter as well. We've talked with him so many times about seeing a counselor but he's always refused. He agreed to a community grieving group which shows videos and has group discussion but he really needs to talk with someone one-on-one about his depression and grieving and what he's been doing to cope. He's never been one to talk about his feelings.
We set grandpa up with an online senior dating profile. I don't know that it was the best move but our intent was to show him that the grass is greener. He refuses to let go of 'scammer' because he doesn't want to [in his words], "Sit home and stare at the walls". He seems pretty excited about it but he too busy shuttling 'scammer' to the casino to really delve into it. This is all so exhausting. We are interviewing potential private investigators this week. And fueling up our energy to battle the Senior Center.
Thanks again for ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT, EVERYONE! So appreciated!
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sorry to heard about the awful situation... I would said that your granddad obviously was missing companion ship and feeling the absent of social/ human contact, and most probably individual attention/care/ love, which is what the facility supposed to provide to residents, maybe a bit too late but you can always try.... get a volunteer from communities ( male/female) to spent time with your granddad.. this may get Him interest in meeting new people.Good Luck and God guide you, many Blessings .
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