Follow
Share

Elderly widowed mother is 78 and I believe she has tunnel vision when she drives... she goes straight to where she needs to go to get groceries and prescriptions at the local Walmart but won’t drive around in another part of the same small town to seek out a hair salon because the salon in Walmart closed up... my sister text me if I could continue to trim moms hair until sister goes to moms town to find her a hair salon! I said there is a salon on the same side of the highway as Walmart is located on.. there are twelve salons in her small town.. the fact that mom won’t take the initiative to drive around or look in the phone book to find one is unreal! It’s like she give up when she found out the one im Walmart is closed down and expects us to find her one ! My sister and I work full time and live 30 miles one way from mom...my sister has off every Friday I work five days a week .. I don’t want to continue to enable mom into never having to think for herself.. my sister just thinks she needs to go out there to drive mom around to show her where the salon is... I don’t understand why mom won’t do this on her own and I need to understand why ?! Her answer is always “I don’t know” when she is questioned about something when u try to get to the truth about what is going on with her .. is she scared ? Of what?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
She may be depressed, or be in the beginning stage of dementia, some who are lose their momentum. Some other just are afraid to drive and explore on their own. It is an so very common where I live, seems when a woman hits 70 she becomes afraid to drive on the interstate or go 2 miles from their home base. I don't get it, but that is what it is.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Maybe Mom is having memory problems. She realizes it but is afraid to admit it. Maybe it is her sight. At 78 she should have a checkup every year. Maybe she has cataracts. Did Dad do alot of the driving? Maybe she doesn't like to drive?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I can't answer the reason why because I don't know your mom. What I can do is give you a little advice based on my own life experiences.
My mom lost her ability to drive at 76 due to macular degeneration, but she adamantly insisted that she wanted to remain in her familiar home. It was what she wanted and it was definitely easier on all of us to put off making any major life changes but in hindsight it was a mistake - as her world shrank she became isolated and her ability to adapt to new situations more difficult, and in the end all those major life changes still had to be dealt with. Maybe it's time for your mother to look at the long view and consider moving to a more supportive environment where services are more easily obtained.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

It might help to try and put yourself in her place. Yes it is extreme to not continue with her hair but that is not a big request or need to ask of you.

I am about to turn 63. I often don't want to venture out of my comfort zone. I feel it is a natural effect of aging regarding energy level. I wasn't this way in my youth. If there was a new area offering shopping I wanted to explore it. Now if I see one I feel as though I should still do that but don't feel I have the energy. I also don't have the need. I shouldn't acquire more.

Your mother may feel overwhelmed with making this decision as well as physically undertaking driving herself there.

Hopefully you can all solve this issue. If she is comfortable staying in a certain area for her other needs I think you should be content with that. As the elderly age most aspects of their day to day life diminish slowly. My advice to you now is to consider this. You could put this situation as the baseline. I am not trying to be negative but realistic.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Driving gets to be very scary for some of us as we age. I'm 71 and I get anxious about driving in the city unless my destination is on a route I often take. She might have a poor sense of direction. I now stay completely off the interstate because of the speed and changing lanes. I'm wondering why she has to drive around to find a place. Google hair salons for one close to her. There might even be someone who will go to her house, or since you live at a distance from her, see if there is a volunteer agency or elder buss that will give her a ride. The other issue is being a widow. So much changes when half of the partnership is gone. My mom had never written a check, mowed the grass, put gas in the car, or fixed anything when my dad died. I had to try to take my dad's place. Yes, it is good to keep her independent if she is capable
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ha, I've had driving anxiety for years, it started with a real panic attack when I was wedged between concrete barriers and semi trucks while driving on the freeway.
As I get older it has only gotten worse as I've had to accept the limitations of looking through multi-focus glasses and the frightening realization that I sometimes misjudge speed and distances. IMO it's better that a driver admits to their decreasing capabilities than drive on oblivious to them.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Riverdale Jul 2019
Agree completely.
(0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter