She helps one day a week only. Lies about having a job to get out of caregiving. She won't tell me straight up she isn't up to the job (I asked her). Help!!

What difference does it make *why* she won't help, we can all speculate until the cows come home and it won't change a thing. Bottom line is she can't/won't help more than one day a week (and there are plenty here who would envy you that much assistance), just accept it and look for other solutions.
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Reply to cwillie

As freqflyer & cwillie stated, some people are just are NOT ABLE to take care of sick people. So don't spend your time and energy trying to get your sister to take care of your Mom any more that what she is already doing.

Have you asked your Mom's doctor about hospice? Since your Mom is dying, then she and you need hospice to help you get through the final months of your Mom's life. God Bless.
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Reply to DeeAnna

I'm in the same boat here..My Mom moved in with me 6 mo. ago and we thought she was dying. Put her on Hospice and she has since been taken off since I took such good care of her...LOL but she can't go back to her home due to memory issues. I desperately need a break. I have a vacation scheduled at the end of the month and really don't want to put my Mom in a Respite Care Facility but when I told my sister that only lives a block away that the only way my Husband and I can go is if she stays here with mom she said its not going to happen. I guess its for the best since she has no patience with our Mom but for goodness sake I have to deal with this 24/7. I feel for you as well.
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Reply to Molly1743

Glow, please note that not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver even if they aren't employed.

I was one of those people, couldn't be hands-on, but I was good with logistical stuff. Since I was dual Power of Attorney, I was able to take over my Dad's finances, thus write checks for his bills, and watch over his accounts. I also could take Dad to his doctor appointments, haircuts, get him groceries, etc. Maybe your sister could help with those things. Something to think about.
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Reply to freqflyer

Glow- I understand your frustration. i have 4 siblings living that have not so much as even spoken to any of us in almost four years. Except one who calls when I prompt him to.
Some people are not willing, nor do they have it in them to care. I would be ex static if one of them would visit my Mom once a week, Oh what joy.
I have forgiven them that they have been the way they have. Because it was eating at me for a long time that they are out living and enjoying a non caregiving life.
But, you know what, they are missing out. They missed out on the time with my Dad, and now they are missing out on the time with my Mom.
Even though often times it does not feel so good, we are blessed to have this opportunity. This is a true labor of love. I will be praying for you. Don't put your focus on your sister, it will do you no good.
God knows all, and he will hold each of us accountable for our lives, and they will have to answer for their actions.
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Reply to smeshque

I can sympathize with your anger Glow. I resented my family members too when my Mom was alive. Unless you are sick yourself or are the C E O of a major corporation no excuse for not helping with a dying parent is good enough and even then a little effort goes a long way. I think it does make a difference why, simply because it's your parent and they sacrificed for you. They missed sleep and put their lives on hold while they were bringing you up so your sister should step up to the plate.

You never mentioned what kind of Mom your Mom was and your sister's relationship with her. Was it good? Cause if it was, then yeah, I feel your pain. I know what it's like. My only advice to you would be don't let your resentment ruin you, cause my Mom has been gone for three years now and I still get worked up when I think of my sibling's lack of help during those last few years. It's over now and I'm trying to mend my broken heart still. That's hard to do when you can't let go of things.
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Reply to Gershun

My sister was not pitching in like I thought she should. Months later she told me she about several of her serious health issues and that she just cannot do it. She is doing all she can and at much sacrifice. Sometimes we just do not know the whole story.
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Reply to marymerry

Ask her to help with other stuff, as freqflyer suggests, maybe she can help with
logistical stuff, which can be a real asset. (I've spent countless hours doing research
for a variety of medical devices, procedures, etc) . Or help you with taking up the slack at home like with the groceries, cleaning etc.

If she wont/cant do that, then frankly she's just being selfish. And sticking you with all
the work. I've seen and heard about this type of thing happening a lot. It's hard
facing up to this side in some people. It really sucks when it's your family. I know
for myself, when watching my cousins selfishness regarding their mom's care, I couldnt
let it go. I ended up severing the relationship (not that it was much to begin with)
But knowing that their behavior hastened her death, and furthermore, made her
dying days filled with grief because of their total lack of care, was not something I could forget. I don't want people like that in my life. Maybe that's too harsh. I don't know.
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Reply to bettina

Forgive. Every person has a gift and instinct. You can't force someone to know how to help, or to overcome a fear or aversion to facing a parent's mortality. I one of five. My sister and I are natural caregivers. She cared for our dad when he died of cancer. I'm caring for our mother who is about to turn 90. Our brothers once made a comment about my direct style of communicating. Working in this industry and seeing this ALL THE TIME, I told them I will always do my best for Mom and they can tell me if they want updates or not. Two of the three brothers get dizzy visiting hospitals, the other is single and has very little experience carrying for someone other than his dog. I told them I forgave them for their reaction and we each do what we do best. For instance, little brother invites Mom to share every holiday with his family. Big brother visits Mom every few months. Middle brother calls monthly. Big sister plays an online word game with her every weeknight. And I, little sister, take her to doctors, make sure she can use her cell phone, and fix her computer when she responds to spam. So, I say, forgive and keep moving.
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Reply to Consulting

bettina, I don't think what you said is harsh at all. My opinion of my siblings has probably changed forever. But in some ways, it's a good thing. I always felt that most of them lorded it over me all my life cause I didn't pursue a "career". I always worked but I've never been a corporate climber. My one sister even had the nerve to say to me when my Mom was dying, "maybe, it's a good thing you never did anything with your life, cause you had time to be with Mom" Ah, a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one. But, I'll take it. I'm happy I could be there for my Mom and I feel that if I was one to believe in leaving a legacy, then that could be mine.

I don't think God would greet anyone at the Pearly gates with a well done, you missed your Mom's funeral, but at least you put in some overtime at work.
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Reply to Gershun

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