Actually, she's not my mom, I work for her. Just the mention of a shower, she gets terrified. We know one of the reasons is she is afraid of falling, but we think its deeper then that. Can someone help?
When I first started caring for my Mumm, 3 years ago, I was mortified that she didn't want to be clean. I would beg and plead and say things like "why don't you want to be clean?" Now I have learned what to say to a myriad of things she doesn't want to do, like bathing, exercising, going out, etc. (She will tell you she CAN"T) I just say I know you don't want to, but you never want to, so let's just do it and get it over with. For some reason, it works! Good Luck!!
My mother, who has early stage Dementia, and she creates a myriad of excuses to not bathe; not when my husband is home, nor when it is too hot or cold outside, when its a federal holiday, when "Lizard Lick Towing" is on television for examples. She sees bathing as something to control rather than as a means of cleaning her body. For months we fought on the subject, and now I just provide her with wipes in her bathroom and dry shampoo, as well as changing her towel, linens, and laying out clean clothes for her daily. She will now shower every two days or so, and for me, that's okay.
My mom wouldn't shower for me. I hired a nurses aid that comes 3 times a week. She is very upbeat and chatty and treats my mom like she's going to the spa. some times it just takes the right person. Clearly it was not me!
I can tell you first hand what the problem is with bath resistance. I have this problem personally. I dont have dementia but my husband does and I had to fight him to take a shower. As time went on I became severely depressed and I started resisting taking a shower. Its been 13 years and im still resisting.i take sponge baths. Even thinking about taking a shower or bath upsets me terribly. My perception of it is damaged. I perceive it as cold, exausting, will take a very long time, ill be trapped, I will be needed, and I dont want to take my clothes off, again because I will be defenseless and cold. This is caused by depression! Must be the same area of the brain.
My MIL told me that she was afraid of the water falling on her so we switched to baths. She is not excited about those either but we try to say something like "the kids are taking a shower tonight, when would you like to take yours?" My wife helps her with her hair. People with dementia sometimes do not know that they did not take a shower/bath. Their brains know they did it everyday for years so they "must" have done it yesterday/today as well. Some are not refusing to bathe, they simply think they have already done so.
This IS a common issue with dementia. Many things are perceived in different ways than what is normal. It is important to protect privacy and be matter of fact about the chore needing to be done. If they are afraid of the water falling o them, the attachment that allows for self control of spraying water will help. If they prefer baths, just be sure there are safety bars and non slip bottom in tub. Many times it's a fear of falling. My Dad's facility uses shower with hand held nozzle and a shower chair. That way, the person can be covered with a towel over private areas, even if the towel is getting wet, and they don't have to fear either falling or the water hitting them all over. They also deal with him directly.....if there is refusal, they will back off for 10-15 minutes and then come back again. But they just say.....It's time and this is what we're doing now.... Hope this helps.
My mom refused to bathe as well for months. I could get her to wipe off sometimes and change her pajamas. I finally had someone come in and give her a bath by sitting in a bath chair.(that helped some). Now, I don't fight the issue and I run warm water in the bathroom sink and let her wash herself off and she doesn't fight me at all over that. I just encourage her to wash the "creases" and she feels better and I do too.
To pointedly answer your question not wanting to bathe is an extremely common symptom of dementia. You don't mention that about this woman. Has she been evaluated by a doctor for dementia?
Sometimes I have a problem with my MIL at bath time. She will say "I've already had a bath this morning". Or "don't wash my hair, I washed it last night." I think that even with her dementia, she rebels against losing control of her life. And she resents the fact that she does need help. Only one time did we have a real problem. And that was when she had a bowel movement and made a mess of herself. I believe she was just embarrassed about the situation. I told her that accidents happen but she needed to have a bath to be more comfortable. She still resisted, but we got through it. Taking care of someone with dementia is a whole lot like taking care of a child. They don't always want to do what needs to be done, so you, as the adult in the situation, have to take control.
Bath day usually isn't happy for my mom either. She has an Alzheimer clock. I started to have her look at the clock and ask her if she knew what day it was. She would look at it and tell me the day. And then I would say "Remember , today is bath day." She would look a little defeated, but then go with me to the shower without much fuss. I let her wash herself, but I do help with washing her hair . I have all her clothes ready for her when she gets out. She drys, dresses, then I set her hair in another room. I will say our shower has a built in bench, she never want to sit down on it, but at 94, she always relents and sits down. I then hand her the hand shower and the regular shower is on her too, so she isn't in there a long time.
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