Any thoughts on why so many of our parents have the 'sense of entitlement' when it comes to us doing the caregiving?

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Any thoughts on why so many of our parents have the 'sense of entitlement' when it comes to us doing the caregiving?

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My mom has always been a miser. Her excuse when it came to spending money was everything that belonged to her and dad was to be saved for their "nursing home". So don't ever assume any of their money was meant for their two kids. My parents contributed zero to my education, wedding or anything in my life, ever. It was saved for the nursing home.

Now at 84 she is still living in her home, sitting on her pile of money, and feeling entitled to everything for free. Complaining about every penny she has to spend. But her money is for her nursing home.

So that is what she gets. She is entitled to it. ;)

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Jessie, I also think back to what my parents were doing when they were my age, and it makes me want to spit nails. They also were traveling, yada, yada, yada, and never needed to care for their parents.

And in my family I am the only related Caregiver because I am an only child who never had any children.... [sigh]. In fact, most of my friends growing up were only children who got married and also never had children.

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My mother certainly is not a viper, whatever that is. She is a wonderful person. She is a nice lady and a good mother who just happened to have a stroke that caused dementia. But a bad person, no way.

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Having loving and considerate parents is a blessing for sure. Unfortunately not all of us are that blessed. My mother has lived her life in self pity and my older sister became HER mother. Mom never learned how. Dad was a womanizer and had no thought about the children he was leaving at home with a stepmother who had no problem spewing her hate for us. The positive in this is it made me realize early on to cherish my children. Not to belittle them and respect each of their personalities. Both of my parents are in nursing homes and still display the same old behaviour and attitude.

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From the time my mother died (I was age 11) I was raised by my great grandmother, she had to be 80 years then. She had already had 1 stroke and would have two more before she passed. We did not always see eye-to-eye on everything but there was never any doubt she loved me. I considered it a privalage to care for her. They feel entitled because they've earned that right. You grew up with security provided by them all they want is a little reciprocity.

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greatqson, I'm glad you were able to care for your great grandmother whom you loved. But please keep in mind that some people think they are entitled, when they DID NOT earn that right. When they neglected, when they abused...What security are you talking about here? After all, you could argue that someone sentenced to prison has "security", but why would they feel grateful?

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I wrestle with this particular question daily, now that my 79 year old mother can barely get out of bed due to a severe stroke and is wielding an onslaught of entitlement over me and my niece (who take on the majority of her care). I know in the case of my mother, we are dealing with some vascular dementia issues as well...but the narcissism is completely swirling out of control and takes us all on a very unpleasant journey. I limit the time my kids spend with her now, as before my father passed and before her stroke she was an amazing influence and grandmother...and now she can be be downright mean to them if the conversation isn't focused on HER. The minute my mother sees me, its a barrage of negativity...as she seems to place the reason she can't move the left side of her body on ME. I'm POA, and its another full time job...on top of the one I already have, and my kids, husband, life,etc. All she wanted was to "come home" to her house, which I have made happen...and all she is, all day every day, is miserable. Its thrown my into therapy, and thrown my life into disarray.

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Then you still need to be her caregiver, but you can put her into a nice home. If she doesn't have any money you can apply for Medicaid. I had to do that. It was difficult to do but I finally got approved for it. She feels entitled because she raised you. Yes. you do owe it to her to see that she is cared for, but you don't have to ruin your own life to do it. You can take steps to put her in a home. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because I loved my husband and still do.

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Any thoughts on why so many of our parents have the 'sense of entitlement' when it comes to us doing the caregiving?

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