Why is the nursing home making me feel like I’m doing something wrong by wanting to be significant other's representative payee?

It doesn’t sound good. If it is going to court, I’d suggest that you get a lawyer to represent you. They will have one, for sure, and you may get railroaded because you don’t know exactly how to handle it.

They want to ensure they will get paid. Simple as that. In their view, you are not married or a blood relative which makes it even more risky you would decide one day not to pay his monthly fee. I'm not saying you would ever think of doing that, its just that others in your situation might.

The only time a NH petitions for guardianship is when there is no one who will take on the residents care. Why does the NH feel you cannot be the responsible party? Really, they rather not be guardians. I Am assuming you are not his POA. So what are you payee of? How is his care being paid for? Have you filed for Medicaid or you can't because you don't have his POA? This maybe why the NH needs guardianship, so they can apply for Medicaid. If ur SO is not competent to assign u POA then you will need guardianship which is very expensive.

Because you r not a spouse, don't think you can claim "Community Spouse" with Medicaid. Is your money combined, if so may be a problem. I think it would be wise to consult a lawyer who is well versed in Medicaid. You need to protect your money and the future of ur son.

Basically if he's on Medicaid, the bulk of his SSDI will need to go the NH every month. So if you are the payee of that income, you will have to write out a check every month to the facility for most of that amount. It actually would be easier for you if you didn't have to do that, and that would happen if the NH was the rep payee. You wouldn't have to worry about mailing checks to them every month. Wouldn't that be better?

The same thing happened to me with my father even though I had his POA and health decision documentation done with a lawyer long before. There is no part of the nursing home "policy" that says they have to be the payee and have direct access to a patient's money. The reason why they always want to be able to withdraw from a bank account is because there are times when insurance is paying, but the greedy bloodsuckers that they are want more. Like with my father. He was old and on Medicare. He was also in and out of the hospital when he was in the nursing home. In such case if the patient is in the hospital 3 days or more and they have Medicare days left for the year, then Medicare pays for them in the nursing home on those days. The nursing home was trying to charge full price for the times he was in the hospital. No way. I insisted on being sent a written bill from them every month. You should too. Only pay what they are owed in writing. They will likely try to get conservatorship over your partner too. Do not allow that. Insist on a written bill every month, only pay what's owed for that month, and do not allow them to try and get conservatorship. You would do well to petition the probate court in your state now to become his appointed conservator. A conservator is different than just a POA. It's higher and cannot be questioned.

Do not give up being payee, they will have total control of the funds. Be careful!! Consult an elder attorney.

Of more concern to me even than the representative payee, which they could be doing so as to get what Social Security they can, and other funds paid directly to them (which is hard to undo if you change facility) is that they want legal guardianship? THAT is truly a concern, and if that is the case you need to see a Lawyer now, imho. YOU need to be appointed as his legal guardian and conservator if you are able and if you had a stable long standing relationship with comingled assets. What sort of "significant other" are you. You are not married, but are you legal domestic partners? That gives you some powers in a state you don't have with federal. Who placed you significant other in care? Was that you? Another family member? Will the other family member attempt to get guardianship? Will members of his family request the state to be his guardian? Is your child your partner's child, and is that on the birth certificate? There are lots of questions here need answering in this dire situation, and quite honestly I think a lawyer in your state is the only one to answer it.

OK, after reading the other responses, I see I may be wrong given there is a child involved. The only thing though, if he is on Medicaid, the NH is going to demand a portion of the SSDI check every month. Usually it is all of it save a small personal needs allowance. I do not know how the child or child support affects that. OP should hire a lawyer as I don't think the NH will stand for not getting paid what they are due out of the disability check every month.

It's presumably because they would rather be certain that his bills will be paid, if that's what you mean. I expect most nursing home managers would be able to tell you of residents' families suddenly deciding there are more pressing things to do with their loved ones' money than pay their care fees, and then the nursing home is right up a gum tree. So, I expect it's not so much that they're for profit, as that they're downright anti when it comes to risking loss.

I’m my LO’s representative payee, but our situation was totally uncomplicated- the check is all deposited into Lo’s care account, all bills are paid from it.

In your situation I would find the best disability lawyer you could find and have that person take your case on.

I don’t necessarily go right to “greedy care center” but it does seem as though they’re comfortable going after any loophole to get at funds that might legally be distributed to others involved.

Good luck. Be “water on stone” for yourself and your child.

Dear "sbDreaming,"

Something sounds "fishy" to me and I wouldn't "do" or "sign" anything over to this nursing home until you get your questions answered preferably by an Elder Law Attorney.

I am my mom's P.O.A. for everything as well as a Representative Payee on a separate Social Security Checking Account which I was told to set up by the S.S. Office in order to pay all my mom's rent payments from. She has lived in two different facilities and I won't even allow them to have any checking account information for them to do an automatic withdrawal/deposit into their account for monthly rent payments. No way - they will just have to accept the "personal checks" I write each month. I've never had a problem anyway but see, what would happen if some staff employee were to either accidentally or intentionally get access to my mom's banking information? Her account could be wiped out in an instant and then I'd have a big mess on my hands trying to get it resolved.

With this NH/rehab center, I would have lost my trust in them and wonder if anything else they are doing/not doing is up to snuff.

Can you present the NH with proof that you are POA financially? You have petitioned for and obtained guardianship? Or did I misinterpret what you said? I would think if not, you will have to petition for guardianship for your SO.

I’m thinking since you aren’t married the facility is concerned about non payment.
That is a reasonable concern for the NH.

I would see an attorney as you don’t want to jeopardize your child’s benefits in any way. The NH has a right to expect payment from your SO from his work history and anticipated monthly SS/SSDI.

I’m sure you did not expect your SO to have a major stroke so young and having to deal with any of this. But if I had a child I would pay the money for an attorney consult specializing in disability and SS/SSDI to get it right the first time.

What is SO’s prognosis? Is he expected to improve or will LTC be his home going forward?

Sorry you are dealing with this at a young age. You need an attorney to help protect your child and pay the NH at the same time. The NH isn’t going to just assume you will and is protecting itself.

Best to find out what you and your child are entitled to before you make any long term decisions, imo. An attorney will help guide you. What will happen if SO passes away? Does he have a will, etc? Because not being married can ultimately affect you as well. You can avoid a lot of stress if you have a plan for you/child’s future. An attorney can help.

The key words in your question are 'They are a for profit facility.' I don't know where you live and how the laws work there but I would go to court to be appointed conservator.

I handed over payee to Moms NH. Once that was done, they received the money directly from Social Security. There was no electronic withdrawl from Moms bank account. And as Worried replied to another post, the child's SS check is separate from the fathers.

What this all comes down to is OP has no say in SOs care unless she holds POA. Without that, she can sign nothing or file for anything. If his illness is recent, probably has not even considered disability. That is probably why NH is filing for guardianship. No one to handle things fot this man.

OP needs a lawyer for no other reason than to protect her assets and her son. Because if NH gets guardianship OP will lose control. The State will be in charge of SOs care.